Building Personality

How to Believe In Yourself - A Four-Step Plan

2009-08-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

Written by Noah St. John

Believe in yourself. You've heard that the secret to success is to "believe in yourself." But have you ever noticed that no one ever tells you HOW to believe in yourself?

Today, more and more people believe in themselves less and less. That's because we've lost so much (money, wealth, prestige) in recent years. Loss leads to lack of self-belief, which leads to more loss, which leads to even lower self-belief.

The four main reasons people don't believe in themselves are:

1. Lack of accurate mirroring
2. Lack of positive experience
3. Lack of self-confidence
4. Lack of empowering daily habits

You can believe in yourself starting today by following these four proven steps:

1. Find a Loving Mirror.

A Loving Mirror is a person who believes in you, even when you don't believe in yourself. The Naturals of Success each had at least one person who showed them their potential, even when they didn't believe it themselves.

You can find Loving Mirrors in your own family, your friends or even work associates. Start by acknowledging the good you see in others, then ask for the support you need.

2. Transfer your experience.

If you've never done something, how are you supposed to believe you can do it? The first time you do something is, by definition, something you haven't done before. Yet, most people don't realize you can believe you can do something before you ever do it.

Let's say you're about to appear on TV for the first time. Remember when you succeeded at other things, like driving a car or landing your first job. You'll start to realize you've got more experience than you think.

3. Build your self-confidence muscles.

It's true: some people are born with more innate self-confidence than others. But even if you weren't lucky enough to have been born with natural self-confidence, just like a muscle, you can build your confidence by working on it.

What builds self-confidence? Use Afformations like "Why am I so confident? Why do I believe in myself? Why do I trust my intuition?" because these empowering questions focus your mind on why you are, in fact, confident.

4. Install empowering habits.

We each perform a number of habits every day. Most are unconscious, many are disempowering. When you exchange your disempowering habits of thought and behavior to empowering ones, and your self-belief will naturally increase.

The irony is that if you look up the word "self-belief" in the dictionary, it's not there yet. That's because I had to create that term to describe the level of belief a person has in themselves. Self-belief is different from the misleading "self-esteem" or even "self-confidence", which itself is a subset of self-belief.

Because positive self-belief leads to positive actions, which lead to positive results, which lead to even higher self-belief, building positive self-belief is critical to living a life of more wealth and happiness.

Once you break the code of having unstoppable self-belief, you can turn the tide and make the changes you really want in your life faster, easier and with far less effort.

Work as Play

2009-08-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

‘We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.’ - George Bernard Shaw

Written by Leo Babauta.

For too many people, work is drudgery.

They dread going to work each day, procrastinate on doing tasks they’d really rather not do, and generally aren’t excited about doing tasks and projects assigned to them by someone else.

The problem is that they’ve found work to be boring, hard, repetitive, stressful. What they need to discover (or rediscover in some cases) is the concept of work as play.

It’s something that has changed my life, and the lives of many others like me.

Work doesn’t have to be boring — it can be exciting, something you look forward to, an outlet for your creativity and imagination. It can be play.

One of the problems is that for many of us, school was designed to prepare us for the working world, and as such it was designed to teach us to work in ways that are boring. It’s like eating your spinach (which I actually love as an adult) — you do it because it’s good for you. We did our homework and seatwork and drills because they were good for us.

Well, the fun of learning and doing was drilled right out of us. And as adults, we were told we had to work hard to get ahead, that work wasn’t fun but that’s just how life is.

Bullshit.

Life is what you make of it. It can be drudgery, or it can be play. Or something else entirely.

I’ve discovered the concept of work as play, mostly because I’ve become my own boss, and can pick what I want to work on, and set my own schedule. As a result, I work on things that excite me, that I’m passionate about, and it’s fun. If something is drudgery, I either drop it or find a way to make it play.

As a result, I work harder than ever, but it’s exciting and fun. I pour myself into my work, and can’t wait to do it.

Turning work into play doesn’t mean you don’t work hard, or that you never do boring tasks. If you’ve ever played a sport, you know that you work as hard as anyone when you’re playing or practicing — but that’s no problem, because you’re having a blast doing it.

Learning is the same way — it can be boring and soul-crushingly repetitive, or it can be interesting and joyful and consume all our free time. I know when I become absorbed with learning about something, I can get caught up in it for days and learn vast amounts of information and skills, without once thinking it’s hard or boring. That almost never happened when I was at school, because they made it work, and I wasn’t in control of what I learned.

So there are a few elements that can help turn work into play:

* Freedom. If you set your own schedule and are able to work on or learn about what you’re interested in and excited about, it can be play. If someone else tells you what to do and when, you won’t be as excited or interested or motivated.
* Excitement. Again, follow your passions. Don’t be restrained. If something isn’t interesting, move on to something that is. Don’t force things.
* Playing with others. While I like to play with myself, playing with others can be so much more fun sometimes. And yes, I know that sounds dirty. Read it as you like.
* Pour yourself into it. You can skip from one thing to another, and that’s fine, but you might never accomplish anything that way. I find that when I get excited and really pour myself into a project, I can accomplish a lot and have a ton of fun doing it.
* Showing off. One of the reasons boys like sports so much is because they get to show off for girls (and at a younger age, for their mothers). There’s nothing wrong with this — I think we’re hardwired to want to look good in front of our peers (or the opposite sex). When you’re going to make something public, it’s exciting and fun (see how I’m doing my new book project, for example).

There are other elements of play, but these are enough to get you started. Some further thoughts:

* Coaches. Are you drilling skills into your players? Stop! You’re teaching a game, so teach it by letting them play games. Let them play, but structure the play so it’s not only fun, but instructive.
* Teachers and parents. Are you drilling knowledge and skills into your students or children? Stop! Learning should be fun, and it really is when the child is allowed to have fun, to play, to explore, to create as he wishes, to learn about whatever he’s interested in at the moment. Don’t make it unfun. See the concept of unschooling for more.
* Bosses. Are you forcing your employees to do drudgery type work? Do you control everything they do and when they do it? Stop! Give them freedom! Give them control over their work. Allow them to pursue things they’re interested in. Google’s 20% policy is just one example. When people can pursue things they’re excited about, when they can turn work into play, amazing things happen.
* Employees. Is your work drudgery? Turn it into play! If you are stuck in a job where you absolutely cannot turn work into play, look elsewhere. There’s more out there.

I can’t stress the importance of work as play enough. It has turned my life into something joyful, it’s allowed me to create and accomplish so much more than ever before, and I love every minute of it. I wish you nothing less than this simple happiness.

Improving Communication Skills

2009-07-29T06:44:00.001-07:00

Be a Good Influence

Attitude

You can change the direction of a communication if you change your attitude. There is no one attitude that's the 'right' one to have, though being direct and clear certainly helps.

Effective Listening and Responding

You can have tremendous influence on a communication as the listener and the responder. When we get little or no response from the listener, we often project our assumptions onto them about what they are thinking (and usually we assume they aren't thinking good things about us!).

Be Positive

Use affirmation and encouragement to get the best out of people. Notice when others do things well (even if it's part of their daily routine). This shows you're being attentive; most people respond well when they know that others are aware of what they do.

Quite simply, the workplace can be a far better place to be if you consciously sprinkle your communication with positive feedback.

The Importance of Basic Communication Skills

What's most important is that you don't leave the business of communication to chance. Raise your awareness, develop your skills and you'll be a role model for effective communication.

Conflict Resolution

2009-07-29T06:42:00.001-07:00

Conflict

One of the purposes of conflict is to arrive at a resolution, so if you avoid conflict, the problem usually (though not always) gets worse. The earlier you can identify that there is a problem and intervene, the better it will be. Good communication skills require you to be able to resolve conflict.

Agreement

Find something (anything will do) in the other person's argument which you can genuinely agree with. This is a great way to take the wind out of someone's sails and ensure you don't get drawn into an insoluble argument. People usually won't listen until they feel heard.

Bridge Building

Really listen to what the other person is saying - they usually give a lot of information without realising it. Building bridges by making an offer can help enormously, as can changing what you want.

'I' not 'You'

Use 'I' statements, not 'You' statements to avoid blaming. This also means that you take responsibility for how you feel, rather than making the other person responsible for making things all right for you.

What can get in the way of Effective Communication

2009-07-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

Here are some Common Barriers to Effective Communication.

We all make Too Many Assumptions

Be aware of the assumptions you make, especially making something up and then acting as though what you made up was true. Notice if you alter your behaviour with certain people because of the assumptions you make about them. Also be aware of the assumptions you think other people make about you.

Assumptions aren't necessarily 'bad'. Sometimes it's important to let people keep their assumptions (or some of them at least!) about you.

One effective way to deal with assumptions is to say to the other person, 'I've assumed such and such. 'Is that true?' or 'I'm making an assumption here about... Do you agree?'

Good communication in the workplace is often sabotaged by too many unconfirmed assumptions.

Patterns/Reverting to Type

We are pattern-making beings, which is good. However, sometimes we get so used to behaving and responding in certain ways that it's hard to see that there's any other way of doing things. When the pressure is on or we are under stress, even our best intentions may go out the window as we revert to type.

Habits, patterns, routine ways of thinking and behaving are difficult to change. Noticing your patterns at least gets you aware of them! One way to practise this is to see how many communication habits and patterns have crept into your workplace. Try not to judge them. You can always decide if you want to change them or not.

Needing to Be Right

This is one area we all know about - the need to be right and in turn for the other person to be wrong. One skill that does need practise is to let go of needing to be right. Think of it as presenting information or a point of view rather than having to bludgeon someone else with your arguments.

If you want to promote effective relationships, this is one of the greatest communication key skills you can have is to be able to change what you want from a communication. You may have started out wanting the other person to agree with you, but by giving that up you can change your want to letting them know you understand their point of view.

How Communication Happens

2009-07-29T06:26:00.001-07:00

Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication

Interpersonal skills. Everything communicates. Remember! If you aren't clear about what you mean and what your intention is, the other person (or people) could easily (and sometimes deliberately), misinterpret what you mean.

What you do matters as much as what you say. It's now accepted that the words account for only 7-11% of a communication. Your behaviour will 'read' unconsciously to other people and you can certainly be more in charge of the reading matter!

Language is one of the most powerful reflections of how we think and feel about ourselves and others. You need to be aware of the padding, justifications and excuses you use and whether they are appropriate.

You can make a big impact simply by changing some of your language and developing your verbal skills, This way you can significantly improve your communication skills.

Communication Cycle

There is a neat communication cycle we've come across that can help you understand how to make communication work better. It means that you can take responsibility for every stage on the Communication Cycle:

Spoken - Heard - Understood - Agreed To - Acted On - Implemented.

Be aware of where you or others tend to fall off the cycle.

Communication is Individual

2009-07-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

No Two People Are The Same

When you take a look at good communication, better presentation skills is not all there is to it. Far from it. Its an obvious given that everyone communicates differently and we all see the world differently to others. Therefore the greatest skill you can develop in order to quickly and significantly improve the way you communicate is to understand the other person's point view. If you can understand how they see the world, then you can very simply adjust your own communication to take into account their view of things.

Changing Yourself in Order to Change Other People

Another thing we can take as a given is the knowledge that there is only one person you can be sure of changing in any communication - and that is you. Therefore, the best use of your efforts to achieve better communication and most effective way to stay in charge of what happens to your communication dynamic is to change what you do. The moment you start to master this simple skill you will be well on the way to improving your communication and developing better relationships.

There is Only One of You

There is no one right way to communicate. Authentic and effective communication only really happens when we use the things we know are true about ourselves. For all of us our personal style will say more for and about us that all the words we can use.

What's Working Already?

It is an instinctive reaction when faced with assessing our ability to communicate, to start with what's wrong with ourselves and other people first. How about putting the focus on what already works? For anyone who has got as far as wanting to improve the way they communicate - something (many things actually) has got to be working well for you already!

Knowing Your Personality Type

2009-07-14T05:01:00.000-07:00

What does the word "personality" really mean? Well, the answer is quite simple. Every person is born with a certain kind of personality trait and that is why each one of us is different in the way we think, behave, feel or desire. Personality is therefore the basic human nature of an individual. It is because of our inherit personalities that we do certain things in a certain way. Listed below are some personality traits and most of us are sure to find ourselves under some personality type.

Irrational personality: People with these personalities are mostly work-olics, but find it hard to entrust work to others. They are rigid about morals and principles and consider leisure activities a waste of time. They love doing the right think at the right time and consider themselves a perfectionist. The optimistic side of this personality type is that they are over achievers and the pessimistic side is that these personalities are prone to physical ailments, are easily stressed out and generally have a disturbed family life.

Introvert personality: These personality types are normally loners and fear criticism. They are unable to make friends because they feel that others will ridicule them. These personality types do not feel relaxed when others are around and hence are unable to handle jobs or take up activities that include interacting with others. The positive traits of this personality type is that they are good at doing individual tasks while the negative traits are that they are unable to handle jobs that include interacting with others and are therefore are socially secluded.

Reliant personality: This personality types are people who are dependent on other people to make vital decisions in their life as they are unable to be assertive or deal with changes in life. People with this kind of personality try hard to please people and 'agree' even when they wish to 'disagree' because they fear that the other might desert them. The good qualities of this personality type are that these people are able to maintain relationships because they are the ones who usually give in while the negative traits are that these types are unable to be assertive or deal with others.

Egotistic Personality: This personality types are jealous of others abilities. They are mostly preoccupied with themselves and love flattering themselves in front of the mirror. They consider themselves superior to others and would try to take advantage of anyone who can execute their requirements. The constructive side of this personality type is that they usually impress people with their conversations while their unconstructive side is that they do not look beyond themselves or appreciate others.

Sentimental personality: This personality types usually over react to situations and are over apprehensive about their physical attractiveness. They always want people around them but also feel uncomfortable if they are not the centre of attraction. The positive traits of this personality type are that they are good in media while the negative trait is that they have difficulty in relationships.

Normal personality: This personality types is the most common type of personality found and are the ones who operate on impulses and land in a mess. They are terrified of being alone and sometimes start feeling worthless and misplaced in life. These personalities can sometimes surprise you because they are so different at different times that you don't know what to expect of them. The good qualities of this personality type are that they are very artistic and passionate people while the not so good qualities include their impulsiveness and anxiety about tending relationships.

By understanding your personality type you learn about your strength's and weaknesses. This helps in promoting self growth as you can try to change your negative traits into positive ones and use your positive qualities to your advantage to make your life much happier and fulfilled.

How to Believe in Yourself

2009-07-14T04:53:00.000-07:00

"It is the decisions you make, when you have no time to make them, that define who you are"

Believing in yourself is one of the first steps to success. If you don't have confidence in yourself, it will be difficult to succeed in anything.

Steps to follow

Learn how to make decisions based on your experiences that you believe.If you don't have your own thinking, you can never be successful.
Set goals. When you set goals, you have control.
Recognize when you achieve your goals, so that you will build your confidence.
Consider reasons you fail. Everyone fails to achieve some goal, but if you learn from the failure, you will be more likely to succeed.
Use realistic expectations to judge your success. Do not expect to run a four minute mile, until you have trained and conditioned for running.
Listen to critics, but never let them convince you that you are less than you are. Some critics will tear you down to make themselves look bigger and better, while others will offer critical advice to help you make changes to improve yourself.
Give your time and energy to others. When you do this, you will get positive feed back and get respect from others. These are building blocks for self respect, which is essential to believing in yourself.
Believe in yourself, you will do your best.

Tips

Don't let people knock you down. If anything, let them get knocked down to prove you can be better.
If someone says you can't do anything, dont believe them, because it could lead to a critical matter.
If a boy/girl trys to tell you that you are a bad person, that is them hiding they are the bad person.
Try to get a pack of toy soldiers and a bb gun and imagine your bad points are the toys and shoot as many down as possible. This can help your self esteem/confidence.

Warnings

Get to know yourself before you believe in yourself. Know what works best for you.
Also get to know your personality that is the most important thing to do if you want to believe in yourself.

A HATER

2009-07-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

by Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends
all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share
your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't
handle seeing you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God
wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the
fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parent being in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.

Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are (VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life:
Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters,
'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me....'

Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know
are not hating on you including the person who sent it to
you. If you don't get it back, maybe you called somebody
out! Don't worry about it, it's not your problem,
it's theirs.. Just pray for them, that their life can be as
fulfilled as yours! Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't
become a HATER!

12 Rules for Self-Management

2009-07-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

1. Live by your values, whatever they are. You confuse people when you don’t, because they can’t predict how you’ll behave.

2. Speak up! No one can “hear” what you’re thinking without you be willing to stand up for it. Mind-reading is something most people can’t do.

3. Honor your own good word, and keep the promises you make. If not, people eventually stop believing most of what you say, and your words will no longer work for you.

4. When you ask for more responsibility, expect to be held fully accountable. This is what seizing ownership of something is all about; it’s usually an all or nothing kind of thing, and so you’ve got to treat it that way.

5. Don’t expect people to trust you if you aren’t willing to be trustworthy for them first and foremost. Trust is an outcome of fulfilled expectations.

6. Be more productive by creating good habits and rejecting bad ones. Good habits corral your energies into a momentum-building rhythm for you; bad habits sap your energies and drain you.

7. Have a good work ethic, for it seems to be getting rare today. Curious, for those “old-fashioned” values like dependability, timeliness, professionalism and diligence are prized more than ever before. Be action-oriented. Seek to make things work. Be willing to do what it takes.

8. Be interesting. Read voraciously, and listen to learn, then teach and share everything you know. No one owes you their attention; you have to earn it and keep attracting it.

9. Be nice. Be courteous, polite and respectful. Be considerate. Manners still count for an awful lot in life, and thank goodness they do.

10. Be self-disciplined. That’s what adults are supposed to “grow up” to be.

11. Don’t be a victim or a martyr. You always have a choice, so don’t shy from it: Choose and choose without regret. Look forward and be enthusiastic.

12. Keep healthy and take care of yourself. Exercise your mind, body and spirit so you can be someone people count on, and so you can live expansively and with abundance.

Self hypnosis

2009-06-30T04:34:00.000-07:00

To hypnotize yourself, is it possible??
Yes, definitely, though it can sound complicated or not possible to those who have never tried.

And... dare I? What if I get stuck in some peculiar condition?
Easy now.. keep calm :-) - it won't happen!

As a matter of fact, all hypnosis is really self hypnosis. Even if it's a therapist who talks and leads you, it is still you who accomplishes the hypnotic condition. A person who has been led by a live therapist or a CD/tape can with the knowledge do it themselves by just using their own mind. Read more about hypnosis below...
About Hypnosis
What is Hypnosis?
A well formulated definition of hypnosis is:
"A state of concurrent relaxation and concentration with an increased consciousness evoked from suggestions"

Your concentration is in focus
- inwards (thoughts, inner ideas or pictures, or both); or
- outwards (a task, a book a movie and so on).
Focus gets so narrowed that other stimuli in the environment are ignored or temporarily barred from your consciousness.

Examples of everyday states of trance are; daydreaming, crosswords, absorption when reading a book, watching a movie etc. Some forms of meditation can also be considered trance-like.

As a matter of fact, hypnosis is completely normal, non-magical and with predictable consequences. It's totally out of the question for a person to be mastered, manipulated or put in a trance against his/her will.

Is Hypnosis sleeping?
A hypnotized person does not sleep, on the contrary she can be more aware of what is happening in the world around her than in a normal state of mind, as the senses usually work better.
But - and this is the important thing - as long as everything is normal and commonplace around her, she doesn't care about the surrounding world, she simply does not have the energy to care about it.

No, trance is not sleep, but some people get so relaxed they might fall asleep if they are already tired.
This is no problem though, because some parts of consciousness keep listening to the therapist's voice.
Even in a state of trance a sleeping client can follow instructions like moving a finger, take deep breath or wake up when they are told to.

Can I be tricked with hypnosis?
Nobody can ever be persuades against her/his own will and anyone of normal intelligence and ability to concentrate are able to learn the hypnotic condition (this means that seriously mentally disabled, very young children and persons affected by drugs cannot be included in this category).

It is not unusual to hear someone say: "Nobody can force me to sleep ", or "I would not want anybody else to control me", or "What if I say things I don't want anybody else to hear".
Statements like this just show a fundamental misunderstanding of what hypnosis really is. In other words, there is no risk you will say anything you don't want to - your integrity is not compromised.

How does hypnosis feel?
You will not feel "hypnotized" (whatever that might be). You will learn a sense of relaxation and mental stability. Hypnosis is just incomparable for relaxation.
Does hypnosis make me helpless?
During the trance you are not immobilized or paralyzed. You know exactly where you are at all times. You can change your sitting position, scratch yourself, sneeze or cough. You can open your eyes and take yourself out of the trance at any moment. During the trance you can still hear sounds around you, for example the phone ringing.
You can leave the trance and take any action you want if a situation occurs where you wish to.
You stay constantly orientated about time, place and person, you can even have a discussion during the trance.

Can hypnosis be dangerous?
No, hypnosis is a completely natural state, it is pleasant and relaxing. It is out of the question for anybody to in any way be hurt by hypnosis.
The ancient method of hypnosis is more and more used as a complement in medicine where it has proved to be a valuable alternative to drugs. Hypnosis has been used for thousands of years to effectively speed up healing and relieve stress symptoms.

A state of mind.
Hypnosis itself is not therapy. Instead, it is used to create a state of mind where the client and the therapist work together to bring forward inner processes (feelings, memories, images or wishes), it is these inner processes that can render the desired results.
When the client is in an hypnotic state of mind, the therapist can give suggestions meant to help the client.

Hypnosis has nothing to do with magic wands and occult abilities, even if some people consider it pure magic how their symptoms simply vanished, and insights increased.

Think Like a Millionaire

2009-06-30T00:30:00.001-07:00

Attitude is Everything

The most important attitude for financial success is long-term thinking. Successful people think a long way into the future and they adjust their daily behaviors to assure they achieve their long-term goals. In a longitudinal study done at Harvard University in the 50s and 60s, they studied the reasons for upward socio-economic mobility. They were looking for factors that would predict whether or not an individual or family was going to move upward and be wealthier in the future than in the present.

They studied factors like education, intelligence, being born into the right family, or having the right connections. In every case, they found individuals who had been born with every blessing in life who did poorly. They also found individuals who had been born or come to this country with no advantages at all who had been extremely successful. What was the distinguishing factor?

They finally determined that there was only one key attitude that mattered. They called it “Time Perspective.” Time perspective refers to the amount of time that you take into consideration when planning your day to day activities and when making important decisions in your life.

Time Perspective

People with long-time perspective invariably move up economically in the course of their lifetimes. When you spend weeks, months and years developing your skills and ability and expanding your experience in order to be successful, you have long-time perspective. The average professional person has a time perspective of 10, 15 and 20 years.

Begin to see that everything that you are doing today is part of a long-time continuum, at the end of which you are going to be financially independent or financially unfortunate. People with short-time perspective think only about fun and pleasure in the short term. They have what economists call “The inability to delay gratification.” They have an irresistible tendency to spend every single penny they earn and everything that they can borrow.

When you develop long-time perspective, you develop the discipline to delay gratification and to save your money rather than spending it. The combination of long-time perspective and delayed gratification puts you onto the high road to financial independence.

Action Exercises

Now, here are two things you can do to develop the attitudes of financially successful people:

First, think long-term about your financial life. Decide exactly how much you want to be worth five years, ten years and twenty years from today. Write it down. Make a plan. Take action on your plan every single day.

Second, develop the ability to delay gratification. Instead of buying something on impulse, put off buying decisions for a day, a week or even a month. Decide in advance to “think it over” before you buy anything. This can change the way you spend money almost immediately.

Living and Working with Purpose

2009-06-30T00:29:00.001-07:00

Everything that arises in your life is there for one purpose only — to teach you to exercise an underutilized aspect of your life. Because work involves contact with other people, the underutilized aspects of your life can become more apparent as you compare and contrast yourself with others. Of course, this can only happen when you’re present. Sometimes this can be particularly painful; it’s a natural reaction to resist and avoid those aspects of ourselves that are weak. But sometimes the most painful lessons are the ones that have the most benefit in the long run.

First, there has to be a you, and then there is your job. Similarly, as a parent, although you are responsible for the development of your child, you are still you. The previous chapters have helped you look at that being who is you; this chapter takes it one step further in helping bring that inner self to the workplace. The most important aspect in doing that is congruency — striving to match your inner self with your outer self and creating harmony between your heart and your head. When we look at the outer world, we don’t see the world as it is; we see it only as we are at that moment. Yes, you’re going to have to work, but if you can see that when you change your beliefs, you change the world around you, the chances of your creating congruency increase exponentially.

Here’s a simple way to think about changing your beliefs and how doing so changes the world around you. Have you ever bought a car and then suddenly noticed how many cars the same as the model you bought are on the road? It’s a pretty common reaction. But there aren’t really any more of those cars on the road (except yours): what has changed is your awareness of that particular make and model of car. By purchasing the car that you did, you changed your vested interest in the car, and you brought a new level of attention to it, thereby changing your view and belief about that car.

The discussion of work in this chapter is divided into seven sections:

1. Why work?
2. What are you “supposed” to do?
3. What are you doing?
4. You are going to have to struggle.
5. You are going to have to develop discipline.
6. Success isn’t easy or self-sustainable.
7. Are you going to be the CEO?

These sections cover work from the inside (how do you approach work) to the outside (what does your work have to do with you).

Why Work?

When you sit down and think about your life, think about this: the question is not what or why, but how are you going to live? Work is an integral part of how you’re going to live and how you are going to be in the world. A fulfilling life is passion driven and a big part of that life derives from the work that you do. It doesn’t matter what the work is. What matters is the passion that you have behind it and that you put into it. The same applies for the rest of your life.

Each one of us has a reason for being and a contribution to make; why not strive to make these more than financial survival? Yes, finances are important, but if you work at a job that just pays the bills without providing an outlet for your passion, then the ultimate cost to you is far more than the bills that might be due. The cost is compromising and stifling your creative intellect and wasting your time — a whole lot of it. Know that you can be in control, at the helm of your own destiny, by the decisions you make in all aspects of your life — especially regarding the work that you choose to do and how you choose to do it. Remember that everything counts: you will be at your happiest when you are expressing your essential nature and creating your mark on the world through the work that you do.

Do you always seem to have a “bad boss” or “never get a break” at work? It may have something to do with what you are presenting to the world. Your outer working life has to reflect your inner organization. Make sure that you have your personal values and ethos in order, and then take them to the workplace. The reality is that there are no bad bosses, and there are no bad breaks. And there are no victims — unless you choose to become one. Stop! Take a moment to re-read this paragraph. It’s easy enough to read, but really understanding the content can take a lifetime. Give yourself an advantage and contemplate it now: what you bring to your work makes all the difference.

What Are You Supposed to Do?

Each of us has our own specific “true calling” — an answer to the question, “What am I supposed to do?” At the most fundamental level, we each need to feel like we are doing something worthwhile and that we are making a positive contribution to the planet. We need to be able to leave work at the end of the day, feeling tired yet energized because we’ve done something that matters and that our work outside the home has meaning.

How do you figure out who you are, what your place in the world is, and what you’re “supposed” to do? If you grew up in a supportive family, you were told that you could be anything you set your mind to. That’s a lovely message, but it’s pretty nonspecific. If you grew up in a household with less support, non-specificity is the least of your problems.

Figuring out what you’re supposed to do is actually simpler than you think: do what brings you joy. Stop! Think about that right now. If there were no negative consequences — financial or otherwise — what do you see yourself doing for work that would bring you joy? Is it possible for you to be doing that “thing” at this moment in your life? Perhaps not, but you’ve taken one important step in getting to that “thing” by identifying it to begin with. You can begin the process of getting there right now.

Is it easier said than done? Sure, but if you pay attention, your intuition will guide you. Sometimes it’s tricky to differentiate between the voice of your ego and the voice of your soul. The voice of your ego is the one that tells you what you “should” be doing, based mostly on voices and opinions that you have heard and continue to hear from the outside world. This is not a helpful voice. The voice of the soul is the one that will keep gently drawing you to the things you love. When you follow your heart’s desire and listen to your intuition, work turns into pleasure. Will it always be this way? Probably not, which is why paying attention — being present, quiet, and calm — is also imperative in your work life. What you’re sure you should be doing at this stage of your life might end up being what you need to be getting away from five years from now. Times change, and people change. Getting quiet not only helps you find your self, it also helps you find your right place for the right time, by trusting your own inner voice.

What Are You Doing?

As you’re contemplating what you’re supposed to be doing, also ask yourself this question: “What am I doing with my life now?” It is certainly a pretty big question, and it’s one that you have to pause and ask yourself often. Time, that old enemy, is moving on, and if you don’t stop and ask the really tough questions, you’ll find yourself very old and very upset that you’ve spent your time doing “work” that you didn’t want to do.

When was the last time you woke up in the morning and were really excited about the work that you’re about to do? Take a moment to really think about that question. Was it this morning? Yesterday morning? Maybe it wasn’t even last week or last month. If it was last year, then it’s past time to take a hard look at what you’re doing. And read on.

If the work that you do is diminishing your ability to live an abundant life rather than adding to it, it is time to make a change. By identifying your unique skills and talents, you can discover the true meaning in your life and live more authentically. You won’t be able to do this if your work is taking from, rather than adding to, your life.

If you’re currently employed and wondering about why you’re there, ask yourself the following questions:

* Is the work inspirational as well as perspirational?
* Are you inspiring others?
* Are you leaving others in a better condition than you found them?
* Are there people in the company that you admire?
* Do you admire the company?
* If you weren’t working there and it was possible to avail yourself of your company’s product or service, would you?
* Is the work complementary to the rest of your life?
* Is it using your abilities to develop greater capacities?
* Is there a place for your beliefs and values?
* Are your little idiosyncrasies welcomed, tolerated, or outright shunned?
* Does it just plain feet right?

If your answer to most of these questions is no, then you need to take a long, hard look at what you’re doing. First, make your best effort to change your own position, and even take a stab at improving the culture around you. If you feel that you’ve done this to no avail, you need to develop your exit plan. I’m not advocating that you turn in your resignation tomorrow — there are bills to be paid and responsibilities to be met — but for your own well-being, you need to begin to work in the direction of leaving your current work and finding something else that has more meaning for you.

If you are a student in college or graduate school and you feel that you’re in a rut or have answered no to many of the above questions, then you need to reevaluate your situation. Again, start from a place of changing the current situation — don’t let “bail” be the default answer. Maybe the no answers have to do with what you’re doing when you’re not in class, or not studying. You’re the best judge.

A degree is important, but if it comes at the cost of boredom, then it’s an expensive lesson, both financially and spiritually. Perhaps you’ve chosen the wrong major; know that it’s never too late to right that wrong. Perhaps you’re trying too hard to graduate in X number of years and have overloaded yourself with courses; that decision is another wrong that can be righted. Maybe you’re just burned out with school. Most colleges make it pretty easy for you to either take a leave of absence or to cut back on your course load. Take advantage of that flexibility in any way you can.

If you’re a parent who feels like you have stayed at home too long, you have choices as well. How old are your children? Do they need you 24/7 or is there a way that you can get out of the house during part of the day to do something that challenges your intellect a little more? For that matter, given the wide range of possibilities on the Internet, you can take a course, start a business, or be involved in something greater than yourself from your home at any hour of the day — even at sporadic naptimes. You just have to make the commitment to do it.

The questions “What am I doing?” is not a question that you can ask yourself once in life and then be done. It is a question that you should ask yourself often — maybe daily. It’s far too easy to get stuck in a situation where you are comfortable, where asking any question, especially, “What am I doing?” involves way too much risk. Well, know this: the risk, the penalty, for not asking the question often enough is far greater than the reward for ignoring the question. If work is indeed the portal to the rest of your life, and the way you can bring out your unique qualities, then you need to ask the questions to ensure that you are being and doing the best that you can. If a path feels like a struggle, is part of the struggle because it’s not the right path for you? This is not to say that the path will be easy, but if the obstacles come from within, they may be telling you something you need to pay attention to.

And finally, one of the ways to find out what you “should” be doing is to discover what you shouldn’t be doing. I suppose this is code for get a job! One way to find out what you like is to discover what you don’t like, so don’t be dismissive of jobs that you don’t think you’re going to like. And be careful of becoming a “professional student.” Several members of my advisory board indicated that they were going to school because they hadn’t figured out what they wanted to do with their lives. An undergraduate degree is important, but unless you know what you want to do with a degree beyond that, be careful. School is very expensive and very time-consuming; some breathing room and exposure to the working world after so many years in school is probably a good thing.

Dealing with Sadness and Depression

2009-06-30T00:27:00.000-07:00

Question:

My husband and I met while we were both on the rebound and were both doing a lot of partying which continued far too long into our married life. We both did quit our bad habits however in the following years I focused on the kids and their activities and he worked more hours. Now all the children have moved on and I continually feel alone in a house with 2 people. We don't share any common interests and I think the love has gone out of the relationship for me. I am afraid beyond comprehension of making a wrong decision and asking for a trial separation. I did once before and was met with an ultimatum so I backed off. The economy is one of the reasons for my choice as I don't earn enough to support myself. I have also been through periods of anxiety and depression and because I am going through perimenopause I have experienced many ups and downs in my energy and moods. My father also suffered from major depression.

At times I feel so overwhelmed with sadness that I think I need to be alone to sort out things. The next day I may feel better. I am afraid that once I make a decision that there will be no turning back. I question myself so much. Am I being immature and expecting too much? How can I know the answer? I realize this isn't a yes or no situation but I need guidance as I feel my health is suffering. I have no zest for life anymore. I am too far into the forest to see the trees. Please help.

Answer:

The sadness you are experiencing now is coming from you, not your husband, so I’m not sure that a trial separation will help. I wouldn’t say you are being immature or expecting too much, but you may be looking in the wrong place thinking that being alone is going to automatically provide you with the clarity and guidance to find your way out of depression and lovelessness. It’s even possible that this relationship provides you with an element of support that might be essential to your recovery.

You may benefit greatly by seeing a therapist who can help you deal with the pain underlying your depression. Ideally you will want to see someone who can offer you a holistic regime that includes diet, exercise, meditation, cognitive therapy, and creative expression as primary modalities to help you use this period of your life to make a quantum leap in your spiritual growth.

Here’s How To Attain Your Dream Career

2009-06-30T00:26:00.001-07:00

Most of us leave high school after graduation choosing courses that cover a wide range of job opportunities. At the young age of 18 we have very little idea as to what we want to be in the future. We have no idea what we would enjoy working at.

There are of course some lucky few who have always known what their career path should be. It’s been in their mind for many years and it’s just a matter of following through on where they would like to be eventually.

For others the going is not that straight forward. It would be different if we had access to a large amount of money. Then it wouldn’t matter what we did. We could always change course at a later stage. Sadly, though, most of us have to work for our basic living costs and to be able to survive in a cut-throat world.

Then we graduate and realise that we should have taken a different path entirely. At this stage it is impossible to go back to school and do it all over again. We have to go out to work above anything else. What happens to us? But it’s not necessarily the end of the world. There may be a way to solve this dilemma.

Personality tests are becoming increasingly popular among people entering the workforce. These tests are designed to establish what the taker’s most desired career path might be. On the surface, this sounds like a good idea. We sometimes have dreams that are not in line with who we are.

Besides this we should also give ourselves a chance to test the unknown. After all our capabilities could be far ranging and may not initially point us in the right direction. We could have hidden strengths that only reveal themselves when the need arises. Introverts might do well in a career in sales. How will we know what we will excel in unless we get the chance to dabble in it.

It might sometimes seem that we will lead happier lives if we stick to what we think are our strengths and what we are most comfortable with. Yet part of us will always remain unsatisfied if we limit our horizons because we feel we need to conform. It could be that one day we wake up feeling great regret that we have missed out on opportunities. This is one thing we would want to avoid at all costs.

While growing up we depend on our parents to look after our survival needs. Over time we learn to cope with the demands life gives us. Our survival skills can only get us so far in the adult world. We simply carry on and endure but often we become aware of our anxieties.

We need to be careful that the choice of the career wasn’t based solely on the need to be able to get through day by day. It is important to overcome our fears. We need courage to find what fits our desires rather than what makes us feel safe. Courage is what is needed when choosing a career.

If we cannot afford to let go of our comfortable job because it pays the bills, then start small with the career that really speaks to you. The World Wide Web offers many opportunities to hone and develop our hidden strengths.

As we gain the respect of other people we will find that job offers will slowly start to trickle in. Take what we can and slowly start to let go of the other things that we don’t really enjoy.

If we keep our eyes on the main prize we will soon find ourselves doing exactly what we want. And that, my friends, is the secret to getting our dream job!

Life Satisfaction and Self Esteem

2009-06-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

by Karl Perera

Running two websites about self esteem and depression I get many emails from visitors who ask me questions relating to happiness, self esteem and general life satisfaction. This article is my attempt to answer some of the most common problems that come up.

Are you satisfied with your life?

If you feel you have purpose in your life and what you do everyday gives you satisfaction then you are lucky. Do you feel something is missing from your life and your potential is unfulfilled? Chances are there are many things which cause you to feel less than satisfied with where you are now.

If you stop to think for a moment I bet you could list many things which make you feel less than satisfied with your life but this is a question of your attitude. Everyone could make such a list and the result would be a negative feeling and unhappiness. If you approach your life looking at it from what is missing or what could be better then you will be unhappy and dissatisfied.

What will give you life satisfaction?

Life satisfaction does not come from money nor material things. It comes from what you do and how you use what you have. It comes from a positive view of what is right in your life now. Of course, things can always be improved but you should try to enjoy your achievements so far. If you always look to solving problems you will never be satisfied until everything is how you want it to be and that will never happen.

Only you can truly answer the question "what will make you satisfied with your life?". However, most people have basic needs which make them satisfied.

Some of these needs are:

Friends
Successful relationships
Family (provides a sense of identity and belonging)
Feeling that you are needed and loved
Purpose in life (a difficult one but so important)
Having choices and options
Having achievable goals
Doing what you enjoy
Having the possibility to express yourself creatively and emotionally
Feeling that you have value (this is your self esteem)
Being understood and accepted for who you are

How can you become more satisfied with your life?

My list above shows that these things have no link to money, they depend on you and your attitudes and feelings about who and what you are. In order to be more satisfied with your life you need to:

be focused on what you want
learn to say no and be more assertive
be less self critical
end negative thoughts
use self hypnosis to help you unleash the power of your mind
concentrate on what you have now and what is good
plan to take small steps to achieve what you want and reward yourself on each completed step

Put yourself first

2009-06-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

by Karl Perera

In this short article I would like to show you why you should not feel guilty about putting yourself first..

Is putting yourself first selfish?

Many people will tell you that putting yourself first is selfish. You may even believe this to be true. I am not saying ignore others and think only of yourself because that is selfish...

What I am saying is that you need to give your own desires and goals priority sometimes or you will not be able to move forward as a person. Think of it like this - to contribute to the world and be helpful to others you first need to be the best you can be. If you are unhappy and running around trying to make happy you will suffer..

When you live a full creative life with joy and satisfaction you can grow and develop and you will be able to help others to do the same. It is not selfish to be better than you are and make the best contribution to the world and those you come into daily contact with. Deal with your responsibilities but also make time for yourself and don't let others take over.

What are the benefits of putting yourself first?

you will be better able to help others - because you will be OK
others will take you more seriously
you will feel less stressed
your self esteem will improve

How to put yourself first?

It is very easy to let others tell you what to do, especially if you are suffering from low self esteem. If you're not careful you can become overwhelmed by demands that others place on you. A balance is necessary between work commitments, family responsibilities and your time.

So, how can you get that balance and put yourself first? Here are a few suggestions:

Learn how to be more assertive
Don't feel guilty about saying no sometimes
Explain to others what you want and that you have a right to some time to yourself
Don't get trapped in relationships which are abusive or damaging to yourself - you don't deserve that
Improve your self confidence - Build Self Confidence
Listen to what your body is telling you. Don't allow others to pressure you into doing things when you don't feel up to it
Use the incredible power of self hypnosis.

Assertiveness

2009-06-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

Being assertive is something you may normally consider confident people do naturally. If you are trying to improve your confidence, then assertiveness training could really help you. Learning to act and speak in a more assertive way could help you overcome several obstacles in your life such as shyness, low self esteem and a lack of confidence.

What is assertiveness exactly?

Some mistakenly think that being assertive means being pushy or selfish in order to get your own way but this is not true and is an extremely misguided view. Assertive behaviour is positive and will bring you results in your dealings with others. Not being assertive is one way to cultivate low confidence, self esteem and worse. If you are an assertive person you will be confident to stand up and be counted, you will put your opinion forward and stand by it. You will not be quiet and go ignored. Normally because of the perceived risk involved in expressing yourself openly like this rather than keeping quiet means you need a certain level of confidence. If you want to conquer shyness or become more effective socially you need to be more assertive. Simply put, assertiveness is asking for what you want or speaking up for yourself when you feel strongly that you have something to say.

Why is being assertive important to you?

Relationships - expressing your feelings and being able to ask what you want means you will be happier in your relationships and this is more likely to make for a happier partner.

Career - those who are passive at work are often undervalued and ignored for promotion. It is those who put themselves forward and ask for responsibility that are given it. Being more assertive will bring you better opportunities and more job satisfaction.

Family - it is important to compromise whether you are a son, daughter or parent but it is also important to be assertive in decisions where you need to state what you want. Women are especially in need of being more assertive or the demands on them can be unbearable.

Friendships - any friendship should be on an equal footing. When one person starts to demand too much of the other it is time to reassess that friendship. Being assertive and telling your friend honestly what you think is very important and being passive can make you very unhappy.

Success and ambitions - if you set yourself any goal you will need to be assertive with others who may try to dissuade you or stand in your way. Again, being assertive just means declaring your intention to do something and claiming your right to be what you want to be.

Self esteem - if you are passive and feel that you have not spoken up for yourself in any situation, not only may you lose out but you will feel terrible inside. This feeling may even cause you to lose confidence and if it continues could even lead to depression.

Assertiveness is a positive quality! Beware though, some will tell you being assertive is being selfish. Not so. As long as your assertiveness does not hurt anyone else and as long as you state your wishes calmly and confidently you are not acting selfishly. You have a right to be yourself and do what you feel is right for you. Selfishness is when you don't care about others, only yourself. What being assertive is all about is respect for yourself and this will also reflect outwards as you begin to respect others as having equal rights as you.

Saying NO

2009-06-29T07:58:00.000-07:00

Do you have problems saying no when you want to? Learn how to solve this problem.

Assertiveness is important if you want to build your self esteem. Here are a few things to think about:

You can learn to be assertive. Read about assertiveness training here.
You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
The advantages of saying no
When to say no
How to say no

In business and personal life saying no is a very necessary skill. It is impossible to please everybody and if you always say yes you'll find that people will give you more and more to do and you won't be able to attend to what you need to.

It's really important to know how to say no. Do you feel you always have to say yes, especially at work or in the family? How do you feel about saying no? If you have a problem with this you may feel guilty if, for example, a child asks you to do something. You think you should go out of your way in order to do what your child is asking of you. If you don't, you feel like a bad mother or a bad father. This is completely wrong because as a parent you need time to yourself and you also have other responsibilities which may be just as important.

At work also, saying no is a vital part of business life. It's so vital that if you don't learn how to say no you're soon going to become swamped with other people's requests for your time. If you let this continue others may take advantage of you and you'll find it more difficult to concentrate on your job because they will expect you to continue doing jobs for them. Don't fall into this trap!

Advantages of saying no
Saying no is part of being more assertive. Saying no will help you feel more confident and in control. If you cannot learn this skill then you'll feel frustrated and stressed out. This is a recipe for feelings of low self esteem because you will feel other people are no respecting you as a person and are taking advantage of you. You must put an end to this and learn to be more assertive.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no because it is right that you deserve to put your most important needs first. I have written another helpful article you should look at about how to put yourself first, check it out.

If you are in the habit of saying yes to help or to please others you need to think again about the negative effects this is having on you.

Next time you are faced with a situation where you want to say no, explain to the other person why you cannot do it. They may be so used to you accepting that they may question you. Stick up for yourself and explain you have something else you need to do. Guilt shouldn't come into it and you shouldn't feel that you have to say yes.

Your need to say yes is based on seeking approval or on feeling good inside because you feel needed but this shows that you have low self esteem and you should do something about that. You shouldn't need to feel that you have to say yes to other's demands in order to feel good about yourself.

When and how to say no

You should say no when:

What someone is asking you is opposed to what you really want - tell them and be honest!
You haven't got the time - explain you are busy with something more important, be polite!
The other person should do it. Explain carefully that it is not your responsibility or that they can do it better than you.
When it would help the other person to do the task because they will learn from it. Difficult to explain but you need to in order to help the other person.
What they ask is wrong (in your opinion). Don't be afraid to be honest here!

Saying no will help you boost your self esteem because you are giving priority to the things in your life which are important and you are not letting others push you around.

OK, great but how do you say no?

By explaining how you feel.
By giving your reason
By being polite and apologizing
By making the other person understand
By showing the other person that you will not be pushed into saying yes

Self Esteem: Information, Working and Factors

2009-06-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

How does self esteem work?

Tracy has been in and out of relationships for so long that she is beginning to think that no one is out there for her. No matter how she tried, and no matter what kind of guy she goes steady with, it always ends up with a big bang, and the door is usually slammed at her end.

She has blamed herself for her failed relationships because she was so kind or nosy, or forgiving, selfless, clingy. You name it; every single bad thing that happened to the relationship was her fault. Up to now, she could not help but wonder what went wrong. She has done everything to make it work but nothing she does seems to make a difference and she still hasn't found "Mr. Right."

At first glance, there is really nothing wrong with Tracy, nor with the men in her lives. But as you probe into their day to day activities, you realize that Tracy looks okay on the outside, but has very low regard for herself on the inside. She seems like an ordinary girl next door but she is actually suffering from what we call low self esteem.

Self esteem is how you regard or value yourself in terms of your job, your accomplishments, your relationship with your peers and your family and your place in the society. It is actually the image you have of yourself. Having high self esteem means you have a high regard for yourself while low self esteem means you perceive no value of yourself.

People with high self esteem are usually people who are happy and confident. It is not about bragging about what you have or your accomplishments, but it is taking stock of what kind of person you are given all your facts in life.

Self esteem is an important trait of every individual because it influences and sometimes even determines success in your personal life and in your career. Having a high self esteem means you respect yourself, and it is most often the reason why others respect you.

A person with high self esteem will do the right thing even if exposed to the wrong set of people. A person who regards himself highly will not follow what other people are doing because he has his own discernment of what is right and wrong.

Self esteem grows on you, depending on how you were treated as a child. If you were encouraged or praised by your family while growing up, then you will probably have a high self esteem when you become an adult. However, there are people who may have high self esteem while growing up, but then later developed a low image of themselves because of certain factors.

Factors that lower self esteem

Divorce or separation-A child who grew up in the right environment and with the right kind of people giving him support and encouragement will have a high self esteem. However, an incident like the divorce or separation of his parents will most likely shatter the child's high image of himself, and he could end up blaming himself for the separation. He will then go into a vicious cycle of looking down on himself and of treating others differently because of such an incident.

Physical attributes-A child who is on the chubby side while growing up may be considered as cute by his family and friends and so the frequent encouragement and praise will help him develop high self esteem. However, as he grows older, his environment changes and then he is exposed to the reality that society generally frowns on people who are on the heavy side. This creates confusion and identity crisis which may lead to self pity and the development of a low self image.

Rejection-A child who grew up with supportive parents and siblings will most likely become an adult with a high self esteem. However, constant exposure to critical people who insult him and criticize him may create a dent in his high self image. His comfort zone is now gone and there is a possibility that he will be rejected by other people who are not so kind or who may have very high standards.

A person's self esteem will serve as his defense and survival kit against the competitive nature of society. Growing up with a high self esteem will already be an advantage because such a person already knows his true value. However, he must keep close contact with the people who really matter to him to maintain his self worth, and avoid people who will try to ruin his self image.

Set Eye on Goals

2009-06-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

Setting Your Eye on the Bulls Eye

The alarm rings, you wake up. You turn off the alarm and start the series of rituals that would get you showered, dressed, fed with breakfast, and eventually on your way to work. You kiss your wife on the cheek as she readies herself for work and taking the kids to school. You say your goodbyes.

As you take your car from the driveway, you notice that all is quiet in the early dawn. You like to leave for work early to get away from the traffic. The trip is uneventful and the radio blares out music you have no fondness for.

As you arrive at work, you check your mail, and start work with a cup of coffee. Lunch comes and goes. You think about saving enough to run a small business in a few years. You have told yourself the same thing for three years now.

What's wrong with this picture? Are you one of them? Does the same dreary day pass by one after the other until you realize you're thirty-five with little time left?

Don't let this happen. Start setting goals with a timeline. Set goals by the SMART method.

The SMART method of setting goals has been around for a long time and has been used by many people. It is one of the many tools used by executives to hit their goals realistically and consistently with enough room to adjust to unforeseen circumstances.

Setting goals is a mind game that needs to be revisited as often as possible. This is to establish the goal consistently in the mind of the goal setter. Eventually the goal setter will have no need to be reminded on the goals he sets for himself.

SMART is an acronym for the following bywords:

Specific: The goal has to be as detailed as possible. This is to reduce the time to think about what the goal is. This must answer the basic questions of Who, What, When, Where, Which and Why.

The more specific the goal, the more the end result can be envisioned by the goal setter. This dovetails into the sports theory that an athlete can see the goal before it is attained through training. Studies have affirmed that visualization helps immensely in the attainments of a desired goal.

Measurable: When setting goals, it is must also be specific that progress can be held up against a measure, or a benchmark. In bodybuilding, it is measurable to state that the goal is to bench press a weight of 200 pounds in two months time.

The old adage states that if "it can be measured, it can be attained" is also a known fact among athletes. Athletes keep a record of their performance on and off the field of contest in order to have something to compare against. They even measure other athletes in different sports to improve their understanding.

Attainable: This is a part where you determine the will to reach your goals. Do you think the goal is attainable? Will it help you fulfill your overall goal? The more specific a goal is, the more you can find ways of reaching your target. You develop and educate yourself on reaching those goals.

Realistic: Does it make logical sense? Getting to Mars and back within 20 days is a goal, but with the resources, you have, is it realistic? Will it take a huge effort to achieve the objective? A person must be willing and especially able to achieve the goal.

It is still realistic to aim high. It has to do with the rewards received, or the way the goal moves you forward. If you do not possess the skills or inclination to reach the goal, then the goals is unrealistic. No amount of motivation can get a man to do what he despises.

Time-bound: This is the most important of all. A goal has to have a deadline. This is to prevent the goal setter from letting his goal slide from one day to the next. The true price paid for goals is the time you give the goal.

Remember this, time is the true price paid for your dreams, the earlier the dream can be achieved, the more time you have to enjoy it.

Don't let other people rob you of your goals, use the SMART method and share it with others so you can help each other reach your goals.

Your Self Talk Re Programming

2009-06-29T07:32:00.000-07:00

When one is faced with a challenge, a fearful situation, it is not common to react by talking to yourself and "commanding" yourself to overcome the fear and succeed on the challenge. This is in fact, a proven effective method for overcoming fear. One theory of addressing the fear is to enhance the individual's concept of success. When an individual is able to imagine and believe that he can be successful at a certain event, encounter or situation, then the fear can be overcome.

There is one theory by a psychologist from Stanford University that overcoming fearful behavior can be addressed by self efficacy: the person's belief that he can overcome his fear. In effect, the person addresses fear by "talking" to himself and believing that he can overcome it. There are various ways of convincing oneself or doing "self-talk" to overcome fear and are as follows:

Taking Action

An effective way of overcoming fear is to face the fear and interact with the fearful situation. Most people, when they are able to act on their fears, successfully surpass them. Taking action against one's fears may involve live exposure, participation or practice. Having successfully approached and touched a snake, even with aid and support, or having tolerated a session of intense exposure at a shopping mall by an agoraphobic, is very strong evidence that it can be done again. Seeing your ability to do those actions against your fear is self-effacing, and thus will help overcome your fear.

Shocking Experiences

Observing others perform a feared act provides a second source of self-efficacy and thus a way to overcome your own fear. Although seen by the patient as providing less clear evidence that the observer can perform similarly, these vicarious experiences can enhance efficacy expectations. Seeing multiple others that gradually, but with persistence, overcome their hesitations and are able to perform the feared act can create expectations in the observer that he or she can also perform the act. Joining a bungee jumping activity for an altophobic can be self-effacing when the subject observes the rest of the group enjoying the jump and remaining alive and bruise-free after the experience.

Self-talk

Though the previous two experiences are means of talking to oneself, a direct verbal persuasion to overcome fear is effective as well. The main objective of self-talk is to get you to initiate the process. Note that there are some people who cannot be "talked out of their fears'" and so this method maybe weak, but as far as getting yourself to try, it is very effective.

This technique requires practice and full understanding of oneself. To be able to shut the world outside, including the cause of your fear and to talk to yourself and convince yourself to take the first step towards your fear is a skill that one should master through practice.

The degree of success in self-efficacy with "self-talk" depends on the success of the first attempt. A successful first attempt assures a clear path towards overcoming the fear. While a failed first attempt does not immediately guarantee failure, it definitely does not immediately clear the path towards overcoming the fear, but may take longer and iterative to overcome it.

Emotional Arousal

The last source of efficacy expectations is how people observe their physiological reaction to fear. When confronted with a fearful situation, the degree of fear and avoidance behavior that is shown may be partly a function of one's perception of the physical arousal that is experienced. If your heart races, you are likely to label yourself as afraid. On the other hand, if there is no physically arousal, then you are not afraid. Thus, the cues provided by yourself manifest your tolerance of the fearful situation. Treatment, therefore, should focus on reducing physical arousal then can contribute to one's sense of self-efficacy. These include relaxation-based procedures, such as hypnosis, or breathing retraining are useful for managing physical arousal. Drug treatments to reduce anxiety are also useful in this situation.

The bottom line solution in overcoming one's fear is talking to oneself. Master the ability to reprogram yourselves when faced with a fearful situation and your life will never be overshadowed by fear again.

The Majesty Of Your Mind

2009-06-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

Be not a pauper in the kingly realm of your mind, for your mind has been born into royalty. It is the place for kings and queens who are positioned to reign supreme.

For your mind is decked in gold – emblazoned castles clothed in majesty, might and power. And on the throne of your mind sits the thoughts of kings, of queens, of princes, and of princesses. High thoughts bought with a price – the price being paid by the king of kings who has downloaded his thought to you so that yours can be renewed, reprogrammed, reignited, and reassured with fresh kingly directives.

You can now unlatch the royal door and enter kingdoms yet to be conquered, frontiers yet to be explored, wildernesses yet to be traversed, and oceans yet to be crossed.

Remember this: the majesty of the king has no limits, no bonds, and no restrictions. And no chains can bind the majesty of the mind.

There is no blindness that can pluck out the eyes of the majestic mind. No deafness that can squash the sound of a future that is yet to be written. And there is no lameness that can halt the movement forward of a mind clothed in majesty.

No disease, no fire, no plague, no flame can extinguish the maps laid out in the mind of the ones who have been appointed as royal sovereigns; those who have been designed to be enthroned, ennobled, empowered and employed to rise high above the mud and the mire. For you have been chosen to stand as kings with high thoughts, skyscraper sentiments and mountainous majesty.

So now is the time to take a hold of what is your birthright – the royalty that floods through your veins and that is evidenced by the thoughts that parade through your minds, the words that march from your mouths and the actions that command the attentions of the nations. With your majestic mind you will stand as ambassadors of truth, integrity, honour, justice, peace and power.

There is a backbone in this mindset that stands you upright in the midst of a world that at times blobs as jelly in its frivolous acceptance of the crude and the common. And yet this mind is willing though to reach out to the gutters to the despised, to the dejected, to the refuse of humanity – for it is there that majesty is found in the commonality of thought. For in the commonality you will come upon the manger that will lead to the carpenter’s workshop where once again it will be birthed in majesty.

And so it is in the commonsense, that at times is not really common, that true royal thinking and the gold, frankincense and myrrh of thought will be unveiled to change your world.

The Complicity Of Simplicity

2009-06-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

It would at times seem a crime to take what educated individuals complicate and turn it into a simplistic explanation.

I suppose in one sense, that this is my challenge with institutionalized education. While long winded and complex explanations are being forged in the minds of the experts – a swift interpretation is otherwise being ably provided by another who lacks the credentials and yet still provides solutions.

For to me it is not simply the path of argument that should always be formulated, but rather the ready application to daily life. If what I learn I cannot apply – then why learn?

Books are wonderful – but if it doesn’t teach me what I need to do on a day to day basis, then for what purpose has that book been read?

Ignorance has in the past been attributed to those who do not know the answers to a wide range of general knowledge questions. But I would offer up the suggestion that ignorance is rather the inability to source information for ready application when required. I do not need to know everything in order to be highly educated. I simply need to know where to find the knowledge, or surround myself with those who have access to the knowledge, if and when required.

So if the search for simplicity is my crime, then that’s my crime. I choose to seek out the simple in order to comprehend the complex. For in seeking out the simple, I am then positioned to teach others in a form that they can readily understand and act upon.

Faith As Our Currency

2009-06-25T07:40:00.001-07:00

Throughout history the currency of many nations and its worth has fluctuated, and at times even become totally worthless. So to put your confidence in a nation’s monetary system alone is to build your foundations on shaky ground. This is where you need to invest in your faith account. And how do you do this? Well, I can only speak from personal experience.

So here are a few tips to enable you to position yourself time and time again for success.

1) Have Faith In God – I personally have faith in the God of the Bible. And that faith is simply expressed in my trust and a confidence in my Heavenly Father. So much so that I stake my life and my very existence on Him. In my life I have seen Him supply my greatest needs time and time again that proves to me that He is personally interested in my well being. I talk to Him as my friend and my mentor.

2) Have Faith In Your Strengths – I have consistently needed to identify my strengths and learn to operate in those strengths if I wished to walk in success and satisfaction. The first thing was to identify them. To do this I simply needed to recognize those things that I do naturally and the things that I have a passion for. And then I needed to do them on a consistent basis – ever seeking to improve along the way.

3) Have Faith In Others – Then I have at the same time learnt to delegate my weaknesses. This has been helped by gradually surrounding myself with a strong support network of people who can help me in these weak areas. Mentors are in this group. And the older I get the greater need for these is becoming more evident in my life. These individuals are strong individuals who assist, support and guide me in the daily decision and activity process that make up my life.

So no matter where I find myself in the world geographically or financially, this faith currency is the currency I use on a daily basis, and it sufficiently sustains me.

Try using it yourself, for it is of eternal value.

Strength vs Weakness

2009-06-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

The following is the story of a 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn’t understand why, after three months of training, the master had taught him only one move.

“Sensei,” the boy finally said, “Shouldn’t I be learning more moves?”

“This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you’ll ever need to know,” the sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.

Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.

“No,” the sensei insisted, “let him continue.”

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: He dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and the sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

“Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?”

“You won for two reasons,” the sensei answered. “First, you’ve almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.

The boy’s biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

How to Kill Your Excuses

2009-06-25T05:27:00.001-07:00

We all make excuses.

But the successful ones are those who can kill the excuses like the miserable maggots they are.

I’m too tired. I don’t have the time. I don’t feel motivated. I’d rather do nothing. I don’t have the money, equipment, space. I can’t because …

We’ve all made the excuses. Here’s how to kill them.

See the positive. Excuses are usually made because we don’t feel like doing something — we’re accentuating the negative. Instead, see the fun in something, the joy in it. And maintain a positive attitude, or you’ll never beat the excuses.
Take responsibility. Excuses are ways to get out of owning up to something. If we don’t have the time, money, equipment, etc., then it’s not our fault, right? Wrong. Take responsibility, and own the solution.
Find a solution. Just about every problem has a solution. Don’t have time? Start with just 5-10 minutes. Make the time. Wake earlier. Do it during lunch. Don’t have a gym membership? Workout at home or in the office. Don’t have the energy? Do it when you have higher levels of energy. You’re smart. Figure out the solution.
See your goal. This is your motivation — your reason for doing it. Sure, you could just lay on the couch, but if you think about why you really want to pursue a goal, you’ll be motivated. Visualize that goal and just get started.
Be accountable. Have a workout partner, a project partner, a team, someone to report to. If you have to meet a coach or partner, you’re more likely to do something.
Go ahead and make your excuses. Then do it anyway.

What Do You Truly Value Most? by Brian Maloney

2009-06-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, values are in the core of all of us. These underrated rankings tell more about us than we could ever imagine. Yet, many of us overlook this extremely important portion of our lives.

Why do we?

Because so many of us get caught up in the race of life and flying ahead of others becomes more important. If becoming a better person everyday is important to you, (and it should be) you need to make this crucial evaluation before ever progressing forward.

Lets say hypothetically you have a lot of personal issues unresolved, for whatever reason. In addition, you realized that due to your being so self absorbed, you are the highest value in your respective life and always have been.

Whew! A lot to have realized.

Your partner, child, job, friends, religion, car and pets are all inferior to your number one position. This has a lot to do with your feeling a lack of personal security that can be
made to feel secure by centering yourself in the spotlight at all times.

The world owes you the favors!

This mindset is ultimately destructive and counter-productive at best. Although, you do as much as needed to hide this characteristic of your personality, your thickened veneer will grow more transparent as the days go on. The people you hold most dear will eventually see right through it.

By not holding your partner and children in the number one position, you are not only taking their love for granted, but in time setting yourself up to losing them, or at best, they will grow to resent your obvious narcissism.

The fact is that everyone in the world has naturally selfish tendencies. How would we anticipate a reward for a job well done without thinking of ourselves?

To what degree do we keep this selfish viewpoint close to the chest? That is a very important question to always ask yourself.

Balancing this aspect of your heart and your intentions with this question could certainly be the single most important question you ask yourself throughout the course of your life.

If ranked properly, your values can dictate your future by holding yourself below rather than at the top. Your interpersonal relationships will be guided by this ranking.

However, this is not something you can fake!

This point cannot be said more emphatically. Introspectively gaze into your heart and truly ask yourself this poignant question.

If you still come out of that experience with yourself as the most important, than your living too selfishly. Additional introspection would definitely be indicated at that point to gauge what is most important.

To further illustrate, here is a simple example: Your young daughter is in the second grade and tonight she has her first play opening. She is the innocent bunny, but your Friday nights have historically been designated for haning out and drinking with the guys.

Quite a dilemma, huh?

Should I see my daughter’s first play performance or should I let my super important friends down because if I do, I might lose one or two of them since I’m not a ‘gamer’. You think this will inevitaly ruin or dent up my social life.

Hmmmm...

Well if the answer is to go to the bar with your friends, you are slowly or quickly ruining what should be the most precious relationships to you. Your daughter and partner. If it was not even a question and you wouldn’t have missed her play for the world, then you’d be surprised how many selfish people would have picked the social situation.

This example is one of a million I could have come up with that determines your higher and lower values in life. Deciding what's more important to you and committing yourself consistently to this mindset.

It is not as important the farther you go down the list of high values, but your number one and two are of the utmost importance.

Try to make certain it’s not you at numero uno!

Being selfless is a mindset, especially towards your family and living life with an empathetic attitude toward the rest of the world, creating a more harmonious existence. Moreover, this will eventually speak volumes about your character and lessen the burden of guilt that can eat away at your very core.

If you strive to live cleaner, not a necessarily more boring existance, you’ll want to examine your highest and lowest values in your life everyday and vow to maintain their order. They will keep you mentally healthy and always progressing.

10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence

2009-06-24T00:16:00.000-07:00

Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.

Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.
Build Self Confidence

1. Dress Sharp

Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.

This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

2. Walk Faster

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

3. Good Posture

Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Personal Commercial

One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.

5. Gratitude

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.

6. Compliment other people

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

7. Sit in the front row

In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Work out

Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physcial appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.

10. Focus on contribution

Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.

How to Make a Good First Impression

2009-06-01T05:27:00.000-07:00

First impressions matter... a lot. So, you've painstakingly put on your makeup, dressed in your best clothes, and added some expensive jewelry and accessories. You should knock 'em out, right? Not necessarily...

There's more to a good first impression than meets the eye. Unfortunately, humans are quick to judge. You can completely blow it if you don't consider everything, including who you're meeting and how they will perceive you in the environment where the introductions will take place.

If the first impression is bad, you won't always have a second chance. So how do you put your best foot forward and impress others with your good looks, grace and charm? There are several ways to show that you're not only approachable, but quite charismatic.

Appearance

Let's face it, your appearance is the first thing people are going to notice about you. The importance is unmistakable. You have just seconds to grab that person's attention and show off your finer points.

Dress appropriately for the occasion and the weather. If you're headed to a business meeting or job interview, keep your attire professional and simple. On the other hand, a party or night out on the town may call for something fun and just a little flirty. If you're not certain how to dress, err on the side of caution and be conservative.

Keep your makeup fresh and natural-looking. People need to see the "real" you and if there's a hint of deception, you'll strike out. Choose a hairstyle that compliments your clothing and flatters your face. A style that's neat and low-maintenance usually does the trick.

Body Language

Good posture is very important, so stand up straight and be confident. To be sociable, open up and smile. Make eye contact and show interest in your new acquaintance. A short but firm handshake is always welcome and crucial in business settings.

Tension and nervousness emerge in several ways, such as facial expressions and gestures. There's nothing more disconcerting than meeting someone who obviously doesn't want to be there -- that is not the first impression you want to make. Keep your hands off of your hips and don't cross them. Relax, don't fidget, and be yourself.

Content and Conversation

Believe it or not, what you say and how you say it are not nearly as important as appearance and body language, but don't discount it. Carry on an intelligent conversation and show interest in what the other person has to say. If you make them feel well-received and worthy, chances are, that will be reciprocated.

Don't sweat it. To make the best first impression, prepare yourself and focus on good things. Be optimistic, enjoy yourself and have fun. Isn't that what life's all about?

Tips for Mother's Day

2009-05-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

These quips and tips for Mother's Day may help you celebrate one of the most important women in your life...

1. Quip: “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” - Tenneva Jordan

Tip for Mother’s Day: Indulge your mom with her favorite sweet treat, whether it’s grandma’s homemade apple pie, gourmet chocolate or candied ginger bits. One of my favorite gifts is a huge food basket, full of everything from wine to goose liver pate.

2. Quip: “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.” - Peter De Vries

Tip for Mother’s Day: Is the mom in your life a soccer mom or car pool aficionado? Offer to take over for a month or two - or tune up her car! Does the minivan need an interior wash-and-go? Does it need new tires or a radiator flush? Take care of it, so she doesn’t have to worry.

3. Quip: “By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.” - Anne Morrow Lindbergh.

Tip for Mother’s Day: If you can’t afford a trip to Mexico or Hawaii, arrange a weekend getaway. Give the mom in your life a change of scenery - even if it’s just for an afternoon!

4. Quip: “And remember that behind every successful woman……is a basket of dirty laundry.” - Unknown

Tip for Mother’s Day: Give her the gift of a clean house! Hire a cleaning service to wash the floors and clean the bathroom once or twice, for 6 months. Or, focus on the exterior: hire a snow shoveling company (or the kid next door) to shovel from November to February, or to do the yardwork all summer.

5. Quip: “Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.” - Lisa Alther

Tip for Mother’s Day: You could take one of her many jobs off her hands - or you could go the sentimental route. Splurge on a family ring with stones for all her children, or make a collage of pictures from past family vacations. Pull together a scrapbook of things from her past - or get a piece of her favorite jewelry cleaned and polished.

Anatomy of Laziness

2009-04-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

When the lazy man yawns the market women hear

The lazy Man likes to prolong action, he wishes that it rains so he can sleep

It’s no use telling a lazy man not to sleep, the day of his shame is nearer than ever.

The lazy man hears about a sumptuous meal of pounded yam, and draws a chair

He hears of a journey to the farm and carelessly throws away the cutlass

The lazy man cannot strike the palm tree for wine

Neither can he shoot at the dove for meat.

The lazy man gets to the palm tree and opens his mouth

Yes, it must drop for free!

What you have just read about is my conversion to English of a poem I learnt in Yoruba class in Secondary School. Let me give you the raw form so that just in case you understand the language it can make some sense to you. If you don’t understand Yoruba, please feel free to skip this part.

{Ole yan oloja gbo

Ole afajo, o in ojo ki ba ro, ki oun raye sun

A kii so pe ki ole ma sun, ojo ete re ku is dede

Ole gbo ti iyan, o fa ijoko mora

Ole gbo ti oko, o so ada nu pereku pere

Ole o le sagi logbe, Beeni ki le ta adaba lofa

O de idi ope, o gbenu soke,

Ofe nin ro}

In my recent meditations, I have come to realize that the majority of human beings are lazy. How do you know when someone is lazy? It is quite simple, from the poem above, and most importantly from the holy book, we can arrive at clear characteristics of a lazy person.

1. Delay

A lazy person likes to delay. Delays action, delays decisions, delays to do the things he knows he ought to do. Laziness is characterized by delays. I will do it later, next week or month end. The lazy person silently wishes that while he or she is waiting, something will happen that will make the wait eternal.

2. Sleep

A lazy person loves to sleep. The day breaks just too early, to early for the lazy person to be well rested. When you are idle, there are many things you can do other than sleep. The lazy person sleeps. Sleep here does not always however mean closing your eyes and lying down. You are sleeping when your brain is not in gear, you are sleeping when you have a love relationship with nothing, that is you are doing nothing and nothing is doing you.

3. Excuses

The lazy or slothful person invented excuses. Excuses are also reasons, but they are reasons for failure not reasons for succeeding. They are excuses for not doing what they should have done, or not being where they should have been. The lazy man cannot go into the market because he figures that there is a lion in the street. He perceives hindrances to his achievement and creates more reasons to fail than to succeed.

4. Planless

They say to fail to plan is to plan to fail. If you have lofty goals or great dreams, those define the upper limits of your achievements. If you prepare and have plans, those are the lower limits of your aspirations. In other words, your dreams define how high you’ll ever rise, and your plans show how low you can fall. If you have big dreams and no plans, you life will be frustrated and out of order. Lazy people do not plan. The same spirit of delay and procrastination makes them put off planning until execution. You can look at the work of a lazy person, and identify laziness by how much planning went into the enterprise.

5. Poor

The word POOR has been reduced into a useful acronym for Passing Over Opportunities Repeatedly. The lazy man regularly passes over opportunities. He takes things absolutely easy, he plays it safe, and he ventures nothing and vanquishes nothing. The lazy man usually ends up poor. I know many people are likely to reason that poverty is not always caused by laziness, but tell me, is poverty a result of hardwork? Laziness and poverty are covenant partners, where laziness abounds, poverty is around the corner. If you want to host poverty, simply nap frequently, take a few days off, sit back and take things easy.
Laziness is a plague besieging lots of people in third world countries. We need to wrestle ourselves free from laziness, idleness and cowardice.
By Adeolu Akinyemi

Setting Goals Effectively

2009-03-10T09:23:00.001-07:00

The way in which you set goal strongly affects their effectiveness.

The following broad guidelines apply to setting effective goals:

Positive Statement: express your goals positively: 'Execute this technique well' is a much better goal than 'don't make this stupid mistake'

Be Precise: if you set a precise goal, putting in dates, times and amounts so that achievement can be measured, then you know the exact goal to be achieved, and can take complete satisfaction from having completely achieved it.

Set Priorities: where you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you to avoid feeling overwhelmed by too many goals, and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.

Write goals down to avoid confusion and give them more force.

Keep Operational Goals Small: Keep the goals you are working towards immediately (i.e. in this session) small and achievable. If a goal is too large, then it can seem that you are not making progress towards it. Keeping goals small and incremental gives more opportunities for reward. Today's goals should be derived from larger goals.

Important Points

You should note a number of general principles about goal setting:

Set Performance, not Outcome Goals

This is very important. You should take care to set goals over which you have as much control as possible - there is nothing as dispiriting as failing to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your control such as bad business environments, poor judging, bad weather, injury, or just plain bad luck. Goals based on outcomes are extremely vulnerable to failure because of things beyond your control.

If you base your goals on personal performance or skills or knowledge to be acquired, then you can keep control over the achievement of your goals and draw satisfaction from them. For example, you might achieve a personal best time in a race, but still be disqualified as a result of a poor judging decision. If you had set an outcome goal of being in the top three, then this will be a defeat. If you set a performance goal of achieving a particular time, then you will have achieved the goal and can draw satisfaction and self-confidence from its achievement.

Another flaw is where outcome goals are based on the rewards of achieving something, whether these are financial or are based on the recognition of colleagues. In early stages these will be highly motivating factors, however as they are achieved, the benefits of further achievement at the same level reduce. You will become progressively less motivated.

Set Specific Goals

Set specific measurable go als. If you achieve all conditions of a measurable goal, then you can be confident and comfortable in its achievement. If you consistently fail to meet a measurable goal, then you can adjust it or analyse the reason for failure and take appropriate action to improve skills.

Set Realistic Goals

Goals may be set unrealistically high for the following reasons:

Other people: Other people (parents, media, society) can set unrealistic goals for you, based on what they want. Often this will be done in ignorance of your goals, desires and ambitions.

Insufficient information: If you do not have a clear, realistic understanding of what you are trying to achieve and of the skills and knowledge to be mastered, it is difficult to set effective and realistic goals.

Always expecting your best performance: Many people base their goals on their best performance, however long ago that was. This ignores the inevitable backsliding that can occur for good reasons, and ignores the factors that led to that best performance. It is better to set goals that raise your average performance and make it more consistent.

Lack of respect for self: If you do not respect your right to rest, relaxation and pleasure in life then you risk burnout.

Setting Goals Too Low

Alternatively goals can be set too low because of:

Fear of failure: If you are frightened of failure you will not take the risks needed for optimum performance. As you apply goal setting and see the achievement of goals, your self- confidence should increase, helping you to take bigger risks. Know that failure is a positive thing: it shows you areas where you can improve your skills and performance.

Taking it too easy: It is easy to take the reasons for not setting goals unrealistically high as an excuse to set them too low. If you're not prepared to stretch yourself and work hard, then you are extremely unlikely to achieve anything of any real worth.

Setting Goals at the Right Level

Setting goals at the correct level is a skill that is acquired by practice.

You should set goals so that they are slightly out of your immediate grasp, but not so far that there is no hope of achieving them: no-one will put serious effort into achieving a goal that they believe is unrealistic. However, remember that the belief that a goal is unrealistic may be incorrect. Such a belief can be changed by effective use of imagery.

Personal factors such as tiredness, other commitments and the need for rest, etc. should be taken into account when goals are set.

Now review the goals you have set, and then measure them against the points above. Adjust them to meet the recommendations and then review them. You should now be able to see the importance of setting goals effectively.

Thinking a goal through

When you are thinking about how to achieve goals, asking the following questions can help you to focus on the sub-goals that lead to their achievement:

What skills do I need to achieve this?

What information and knowledge do I need?

What help, assistance, or collaboration do I need?

What resources do I need?

What can block progress?

Am I making any assumptions?

Is there a better way of doing things?

Wealth Transfer

2009-03-10T02:48:00.000-07:00

Slumdog Millionaire may have conquered this year's Academy Award with 8 Oscars including the prestigious Best Picture Award but the rag-to-riches plot may have hit some nuggets that most people fail to adhere to; always follow LOVE and your experiences along the way will help you win the challenges of any opportunity that opens up to you. This is the pattern I have observed in every autobiography of wealthy men I have read.

In my post titled; «Windows of Heaven», I explained that harvest is accompanied by labor; since you sow from what you labor, you would also reap from what you labor. I used the story of David and Goliath to illustrate my point but I did not mention that David was simply following LOVE; he loved defending his fathers' sheep and experienced fighting with lions and bears along the way. These experiences were very crucial in his epic battle with Goliath

In Slumdog Millionaire like the case of David, the major reason Kamal was participating in the «Who wants to be a Millionaire» show was to fight for what he loved NOT for the money though there was a «money» reward. Everybody watching the show may believe Kamal was in it for the money but only Kamal knew why he was on the show. Despite the fact that David was asking about the reward for killing Goliath, his grief was in an uncircumcised Philistine attacking God's people. If it was the reward, people would definitely not be running away from Goliath.

Therefore it is the LOVE for what you do that attracts the challenges that gives you the experience(s) you need to conquer the harvest. Ted Turner, the billionaire founder of CNN and other media giants like Time Warner, discusses in his book titled; «Call Me Ted» how CNN was highly criticized in its inception and how CNN was running at a consistent 4-year loss before the tide turned. Trust me; it is only LOVE that can make a business man run an outfit for a consistent 4-year loss. These losses are crucial to CNN's success.

Jacob worked 14 years for LOVE and his experiences while working gave him a genetic formula for breeding sheep. Wealth was transferred from Laban to Jacob because of this genetic formula. Jesus said it this way in John 4: 35 (paraphrased); «do not say it will take 4 months before the harvest; lift up your eyes, for the harvest in NOW». Everywhere around you is the harvest but you need to consciously lift up your eyes to see it. Remember, the harvest is laborious.

No matter how high you raise your eyes, you cannot SEE beyond your experience; you cannot go through experiences if you do not go through a LOVE project. So the solution is simple; go through a project you love and gain experiences. Your experiences would make you SEE what others do not SEE and make you understand what others do not understand. This is simply the concept of how wealth is transferred.

Wealth flows to the guy with the highest perceived value: I have had this funny experience that I cannot simply shake off; they are suddenly becoming a pattern – every time I try to book for a first class ticket in one of the 5 star airlines, they are always full. I could easily conclude from my experience that there is a world where people rush to pay almost double the price of a coach ticket for a little above the coach's value proposition.

This means there is hope; you only need a little above the average value to draw huge wealth. You don't need to hold on too much to your money; use your money to make yourself valuable through the LOVE-EXPERIENCE-SIGHT cycle and wealth would always flow to you. Wealth is not the accumulation of money but the dissemination of value. These are the thoughts that have been flowing in mind for the past one week; I hope I have been able unburden them……

By DipoTepede

Beyond the Reach of Fear

2009-02-26T05:54:00.000-08:00

There is an experiment that I read about that opened my eyes to the truth about Fear. I’ll narrate the story to you and guide you into my understanding of the inner workings of fear and how to break away from limiting mind sets. There is nothing that stops living a full and fulfilling life like fear. Fear shackles, holds back, and paralyzes good initiatives. Many of our best ideas have never seen the light of day because of fear. Many of us are living way less than our possibilities because of fear. Many of us are stuck with Jobs we don’t like, relationships we don’t enjoy, dreams we haven’t birthed, desires we don’t express, all because of fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of being wrong, the fear of failing, the fear of falling, the fear of poverty, the fear of isolation. Fear! If you can break free from the hold of fear, not only will your words be motivating, your life will be inspiring. When we break lose from our fears, we unconsciously liberate others around us to do the same!

How fear works is quite interesting, and I think this little experiment clarifies it. Imagine a long flat board, 100 meters long, and 1 meter wide (1 meter is a little more than 3 rulers and for 100 meters, think about the track in secondary school) Imagine it lying on the ground, and you are asked to walk on it without moving off it at any point. If the picture of this is clear in your mind, walking along this board for 100 meters should be a piece of cake. In fact, you should be able to almost close your eyes and run on it. Right? Now imagine that this same flat board, was lifted up to the height of a sky scraper and fixed between two sky scrapers for you to walk on? Imagine, it and ask if you would? The truth is, you will be a lot more reluctant to walk, the board has not changed, it was the same board you would have run on confidently a few mins ago. But all of a sudden now, you are afraid, the fact that it is high up is allowing you to be clouded by the possibilities of what might happen, you are suddenly thinking more about the consequences of falling than the prospects of walking or even running. This is the way fear works, it takes your eyes off possibilities into the real of consequences. You begin to imagine things that may and will never happen, and it stops you dead in your tracks. Fear is the greatest road block to success, and except you learn to live above and in spite of your fears you are doomed! Doomed to mediocrity, doomed to average, doomed to live out a frustrated and unfulfilling existence. If you don’t face your fears, it will back you down into the corners of timidity, batter you into cowardice and leave you an underachiever. We need to understand fear and free ourselves of it’s grip, here is how.

1. The Fear of Being Wrong

“The fear of being wrong is the prime inhibitor of the creative process” - Jean Bryant

What’s the big deal in being right or wrong? Who holds the measure on what is wrong and what is right? Many of us shut up in meetings where we have the brightest ideas, because we are afraid of being wrong. We refuse to write, to talk, to express our views, because we think, we may be wrong. So if you are wrong, what next? There are many things created that you and I enjoy today simply because the creators dared to contend with being labeled as wrong. The world held the wrong view that the earth was flat until Galileo refuted it and ended up in Jail, only to discover later, that he was right. Don’t let the fear of being wrong stop you. Feel free to be wrong, if you are truly wrong, then you would have opened the eyes of the world to another possible direction of reasoning.

2. The Fear of Rejection

“Fear makes strangers of people who should be friends”- Shirley MacLaine.

It’s so amusing, how the fear of what another mortal might do prevents us from approaching them and starting up a relationship. How frequently do we moan in silent love, and refuse to tell the object of our love how we truly feel? How frequently do we like somebody, really want to be friends with that person, and just think - “he or she is a snub, and will reject me”, and never find out? How frequently do we have a relationship we could leverage on, but think rather about wether we could be abusing the relationship? How often do we have the opportunity to walk towards a great man or woman to strike up a conversation and cower giving ourselves loads of excuses? Make that friend today, chat with that lady today, make that phone call now, don’t postpone the best days of your life. What if you are rejected? What does it change?

3. The Fear of Poverty

“Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat. (Fortune favors the brave.)”- Terence.

No one enslaved by fear is rich, either spiritually or materially! The fear of poverty makes poor. Listen to the words of the man with one talent -”Matthew 25:25 I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent. “. Listen also to what the master said about him, “The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest. Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this “play-it-safe” who won’t go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.” Poverty is a state of mind, a limiting state of mind, that paralyzes you from taking risks, and perpetuates you in one state. The fear of poverty is evident in your life if your first analysis of an opportunity is usually reasons why it will not work. You are afraid to lose you current state of life, so you hold on to it, and don’t get the next level. The fear of poverty is the beginning of poverty. Those who rise beyond the poverty are those who have asked themselves what the worst is that can happen, and have discovered that it’s not a big deal!

4. The Fear of Failure.

“Never fear shadows… they simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby” - Unknown

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure” - Sven Goran

There are so many souls locked up by this singular demon. They refuse to venture or dare, because the fear they may fail. What is success, however, if not a journey riddled with failure that ends well. Tell me, what type of film will you rather watch, the one in which the star wins from beginning to end, or one in which the battles were tough but the end was victorious? Why waste energy entertaining the possibility of failing that you miss the opportunities for success, for victory and for advancement? Intimidate the fear of failure by facing it, become comfortable with failing, enjoy failing as a process. You never become a failure until your frame of mind accepts it. Failure is a state of mind, it’s the state of mind that consistently believes the wrong things, makes the wrong assumptions and decisions and ultimately regularly ends up with the wrong results. You are not a failure you because you failed, you are a failure because you gave up trying. He is more a failure who refuses to act out of fear than he who tries and fails.

5. The Fear of Uncertainties.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves, - regret of the past and the fear of the future” - Fulton Oursler

“One will never reach distant shores,

if he chooses to remain upon the dock,

In fear his little ship of dreams

may be dashed against the rocks.” - F. Bolen.

Many of us are still doing the jobs we are doing because we are afraid of leaving it. Our motivation for staying is not excitement, passion or interest, it’s because we are afraid of what the choices are. Many of us have dreams we have locked up, desires we cannot express, passions we have buried, all for the fear of un-asked and often unanswered “What if’s?”. The future belongs to those who involve themselves in creating it. To live in fear because of an unknown tomorrow is to let our lives slide past. The fear of uncertainties is the plague of the timid. Ask your questions before you venture, establish the worst and move in spite of it. Don’t be stymied from moving into your dreams because of the uncertainty of what would be, adventurers don’t know where the new horizon is, they are only willing to lose sight of their current shores and then they discover new territories.

6. The Fear of Death

“People living deeply have no fear of death” -Anais Nin

“Think of the better world we could build if men and women, if even for a little while longer, were freed from their greatest fear: the fear of death and the grave” -Robert D. Andrews

One of the most paralyzing of all fears, is the fear of death. The reason you would be hesitant to walk on the board on the skyscraper is not because it is impossible or because you haven’t done it on the ground. The reason you won’t dare, is because you don’t want to die. Interestingly however, the people who live well are people that have something to die for. It is appointed for man to die once, and a wise man once said that we should not be afraid to die, the earlier we die, the longer our eternity J. There is nothing to fear, save fear itself. Let’s quit stopping ourselves short of our very best because of fear.

“It has been said that our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength”- Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

“We must travel in the direction of our fear” - John Berryman

How to Feel Confident at Job Interviews

2009-01-19T06:42:00.000-08:00

Do Your Homework

Do some research on the company and the job for which you are being interviewed. This enables you to ask sensible questions that demonstrate your knowledge of the company and answer questions asked by interviewers. Interviewers want to know that you are genuinely interested in their company and their job and aren't just looking for any job. They will be impressed if you show that you've made an effort to learn about their company.

Your research can come from annual reports, company websites, promotional brochures, news releases and talking with staff etc.

Dress for the Role

If you want to play baseball, you need to dress like a baseballer. Similarly, if you are going for a blue collar job (trades or physical labour) dress appropriately with trousers and perhaps an open neck polo shirt or short sleeve shirt for men and slacks and a short sleeve top for women. If you are going for a white collar job (professional/administrative), wear a collar and tie or a suit. A good idea is to visit the firm, if possible, and see what people are wearing; if not, it's better to over dress than under dress.

Make sure your grooming is impeccable; neat hair style, clean finger nails, trimmed moustache etc. Keep distracting jewellery to a minimum and don't wear anything too outlandish. For example, don't wear a pin or badge that identifies your membership with a specific religion, political party or cult.

First impressions are very important. Make sure you impress in every way.

Be Enthusiastic

Your prospective employer wants you to be a vibrant, enthusiastic person with a positive attitude. Make sure you put some special emphasis on showing that you are that type of person. Ask sensible questions; smile a little and be personable. Enthusiastic, personable people create a good working environment, something every employer wants ... enthusiasm is catching.

Be Totally Honest

When I read a discussion group question recently about whether the writer should use false certification, it brought home the fact that there are numbers of unscrupulous people who fake diplomas, certificates, and referee reports. If you lie, you will be caught out at some stage. Be honest and you won't have to worry about something you have lied about catching up with you later ... and perhaps getting dismissed.

Questions

Try to envisage the types of questions you will be asked about your prior job performance and how you expect to transfer skills learnt to your new job. Additionally, expect the unexpected questions that include such things as how you can add value to the company, what your greatest achievements are, how you would do such and such if you get the job, why you want to leave your present job, when you have had failures or things go wrong, and how you would handle specific situations.

Conclusion

Improving your confidence at interview is all about being prepared. While you can never be prepared for everything, some degree of preparation will be a great help. Remember that all of us have to face interviewers at some stage of our lives and that it gets easier as you gather more experience. Just be yourself and everything will go smoothly.

2009 Again, What are your Plans, How many of your plans di d you achieved last year?

2009-01-02T06:40:00.000-08:00

You know the old saying; "People don't plan to fail; they just fail to plan." Think back to your 2008 resolutions. How many did you achieve? Any? If you are like most people, 80% of those who make resolutions, you did not accomplish your resolutions. Well, at least you attempted. That is better than 60% of the rest of the world. So what's up? Why don't you accomplish your goals? Better yet, why do so many not even try?

Let's start with those who don't set resolutions or goals. Why? Here's a surprise; because they have failed at it so often. They have given up. Making resolutions that they will never accomplish seems futile. In fact, by not making resolutions they avoid the feeling of failure. Why set yourself up for failure, right? Leave your positive self-esteem in tact! Surely, we all see the insanity in that. Instead of burying your head in the sand, let's look at how you can set yourself up for success in planning rather than failure. And, from this success build real positive self-esteem.

Tip #1: Take time to plan. A clear plan takes time. Resolutions tend to fail because we don't actually think about them. They are knee-jerk responses to that yearly question, "So, what resolutions have you made?" Set aside some time. Plan to plan. Don't wait until New Years Eve or while you are stuffing your face on New Years Day or the day after when you are feeling guilty about stuffing your face.

Tip #2: Plan based on your life goals. You can view this as your long-term plan. What do you really want out of life? What are your dreams? If it helps, think of the categories of health, career, relationships, wealth and fun. Here's another old saying, "If you don't know where you are going; any path will get you there." (Lewis Carroll) That's why you see people attempt the same thing over and over by different means, but fail. They really don't have an end game. They don't have a clear vision of where they want to be. Define your passions in life. That is your first step.

Tip #3: Tie your short-term goals to your long-term goals. You know where you want to end up, so what steps along the way do you need to make. What are the intermediate goals that have to be met in oder for your long terms goals to be accomplished. Plus, short term goals are realized sooner, so you get the satisfaction of achievement. You begin to build you self-esteem. Then you are on a roll.

Tip #4: Be S.M.A.R.T. about your goals. Specific-Measurable-Accepted-Realistic-TimeBound. Don't just say you want to be healthier. Is it weight (how much), is it cholesterol (how low) or is it more successful (money - how much)? Ask yourself if is it acceptable. Are you really committed to it? Is it realistic? Do you believe you can achieve it. Is 100 lbs weight loss in one month realistic? Finally, when will it be achieved? Someday is not an answer.

Tip #5: Write it down and communicate it. You will be more successful if you can refer to your plan on a daily basis. Start your day and end your day reviewing your plan. And, talk about it. Enlist the support of those who care about you.

Tip #6: Plan you rewards and your punishments. Follow through on them. Planning them and following through on them, especially the punishments, will keep you from feeling guilty and beating yourself up more than you should.

Try these tips and watch 2009 be one of your best years ever. Now, go plan! The clock is ticking!

Self Esteem is Highly Important to Your Enjoyment of Life

2008-12-19T02:33:00.000-08:00

Self-esteem is how you evaluate yourself on an imaginary scorecard. If your self-esteem is low, you will score less because you tend to think poorly of yourself. It is not uncommon to experience this. Fortunately, the therapy is at hand- in fact in your own hands. All you need is the guidance, which I am going to provide you with. I will be suggesting you ways and means to get your scores nice and high and build up your self-esteem.

You may ask why we need to go through this process at all. Well, the reason is simply because low self-esteem can be disastrous to our health - physically and mentally. Many a time low self-worth is the result of conditioning that all children are exposed to. They are taught to put their own needs at the very end. They should ideally think of others first. I am not saying selflessness is bad but when it causes you to disregard yourself, it is ceases to be a virtue. In the right amounts, selflessness keeps you modest and humble.

You may ask how low self-esteem affects you? Low self-value results in despair. You start thinking of yourself as a failure, as an insignificant speck in society. You place everybody else on a pedestal and end up feeling worthless. Consequently, you face dejection and depression, which leads to poor physical and mental health.

You begin to lose your confidence, start neglecting yourself totally. You no longer care how you look. Your working environment seems alien. You lose initiative and miss opportunities. You won't strive to make more money because you don't believe you deserve it (or don't believe you're capable of earning it in the first place). In fact you end up repelling all good things coming your way because of your attitude.

Subsequently, your life gets affected totally - your job, your relationships - basically your entire existence. When you have a low opinion of your self, you will project the same to others who in turn will also hold a low opinion of you. So, it is all in your hands to make a difference to yourself.

It must seem quite negative all that I have said so far but the aim is not to depress you, but to make you aware of the ill effects of low self-esteem.

5 Ways to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

2008-12-17T06:38:00.000-08:00

With good intentions, many of us come up with resolutions. These goals can have a major impact on our lives if only we could fulfill them. Here are five quick tips designed to put your on the road to success:

Take it step by step: Many marathon runners get through the race by taking it a few steps at a time. They see the long race as the repetition of those steps, again and again. Try to break down your goal into pieces. If you're trying to lose 20 pounds, then set a goal for the first four pounds. Psychologically, it's more like climbing a hill, rather than a mountain.

Have a carrot: Pick a special reward for when you achieve your objective. This should be something fun that you don't normally do. You could eat out at a special restaurant, go to a concert, or take a trip. The key is that you really want to do the activity but won't enjoy it until you've reached your goal. No cheating!

Have a buddy: See if one of your friends, who also has a goal, will agree to be your resolution partner. You both will need to keep in touch with each other, provide support, and make sure the other is making progress on his or her goal. This is better than telling everyone about your resolution. Sadly, some people like to see others fail at their dreams. They'll help undermine your success. Stick with one or two people who are motivated to change their lives. You'll create a much stronger support network this way.

Talk to yourself: You may not want to do this in public but it's a good habit to give yourself some daily feedback about your goal. Again, if you're trying to lose weight you might take a minute every day to talk about what you did that day. For instance: "Today I made smart choices about what I ate. I resisted the urge to eat foods that get me into trouble. Every day, I'm getting closer to my goal." Keep this affirmation as positive as possible. This is also an exercise that you can do with your resolution partner.

Think about the goal: Pick a time during the day (after waking up or before going to bed works well) and visualize that you've achieved your resolution. Imagine what that feels like. If you want to quit smoking, imagine being healthier and breathing much better. If you're trying to lose weight, think about your clothes fitting looser on your body or even shopping for new, thin, clothes. This habit helps program your mind, making your goal seem that much more real.

Are You Making New Year's Resolutions?

2008-12-17T06:37:00.001-08:00

With Christmas just around the corner and New Years not far off, people are soon going to be thinking of what new promises they would like to make to themselves for 2009. There are many out there who don't think too much about making new resolutions, either because they don't believe in doing such a thing or they have never been able to keep up with them in the past. Others continue to make new resolutions every year, either because they feel they have kept up with them well enough in the past to warrant making a new one, or they legitimately want to make a lasting change in their lives. Regardless of whether your friends or relatives feel making resolutions are important or not, what really matters is if you would like to make a resolution for yourself.

A New Year's resolution is basically a promise that one makes to their self for that year, whether it is to lose twenty pounds, to quit smoking or to minimize the number of drinks they have per day. It is something that only you can decide for yourself. First, you have to think about what is important to you, and what it is about yourself and/or your life that you would like to change for the better. It helps to think back to the last year and pin point what you may want to improve upon it for next year. Now, a New Year's resolution doesn't necessarily have to be for only one year, it could be a long-term promise that you feel you want to keep for a few years or even for the rest of your life. It all depends on what the promise to yourself is.

When making a New Year's resolution, many will make a hasty choice as to what it will be and then forget about it shortly after. Some will make a resolution that they have full intention of following through on, but then it falls to the back of their mind and they slowly forget about it. This, of course, defeats the whole purpose of making a resolution. If you want to make a serious New Year's resolution, you need to give it some serious thought. You want to think of something that you really want to change, as well as something that you will be able to follow through on. What good is a promise if you can't follow it through? It should be remembered, however, that regardless of what you decide your New Year's resolution to be, you will have to be prepared to put some effort into following through with it. If you need a little help with your resolution, you can always contact an online counselor. You might be wondering how online counseling can help you with this. Some online therapy can help a great deal when trying to learn more about yourself and decide what about yourself you would like to change in the New Year. Speaking with and online therapist can also go a long way in helping you to achieve your resolution.

Are you tired of Procrastination?

2008-12-16T03:12:00.000-08:00

Procrastination is a type of behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. For an individual, procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of personal productivity, the creation of crisis and the disapproval of others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or commitments. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning.

Have you heard the saying it takes 20 days of constant practice to form a habit? Think of that and then think of this: if all it takes is 20 days to form a habit, what can 20,000 days do? I'll tell you what these 20,000 days can do - they can reshape your character. This makes learning time management skills all the more important.

After all, procrastination may be a habit now but 20,000 days down the line, it will define who you are and what you do. Martin Avis knew this (he wasn't a former procrastinator for nothing!) and he used this knowledge to come up with a helpful, concise, but enriching guide, '14 Days to Total Time Control'. The ebook simplifies the concept of time management and offers tips for time management that are easy, practical, and workable. It is an entertaining read, too, as Avis draws from his rich trove of procrastination experiences to illustrate certain points.

Time management experts like Avis aside, though, here are some tips for time management that you can try right this moment.

1. Do not wait for things to become urgent before you do them.

Ever told yourself, "If it's not urgent, it can wait"? Snap out of this self-created myth. Time does not wait for anyone. So do what you can do now. Do not wait for tasks to pile up before you get to them.

2. Make a list.

Elephants, it's been said, do not forget. But you're not an elephant; you're human! It is natural for you to forget. So try this strategy: every morning, sit down and think of how you want your day to go. Then, write down all the tasks you need to do. Arrange them according to their order of priority and do them accordingly.

3. Learn to delegate.

You can't do everything yourself so why try? You don't need tips for time management to realize that you should delegate the things you do not have time for - what you need to come to that realization is plain common sense. So go ahead, ask others for help.

Remember, time is precious. You do not always get the chance to do tomorrow what you can't do today.

Time Management, a very important aspect of life

2008-12-16T03:10:00.000-08:00

When there is so much competing for our attention, how do we keep up our work productivity? We've all had days when it seems like nothing gets accomplished, facing one interruption after another. As a creature of habit, I seem to work better when I have a system to follow.

The key to getting things accomplished is to maintain focus and build momentum on the important tasks. Here's a few things you can do to improve your time management skills.

Vary your Work Environment

These days, I do everything via a laptop computer that I can take with me. Sometimes I find that there are certain types of work for which my home office is just not conducive...such as a big research project, contemplating an important financial move, and such. These are typical things that many of us procrastinate on because it seems so cumbersome to do them.

However, I find when I change my surroundings, I can create an environment where I can actually get excited about that which I have been avoiding. This might be the local library or a coffee shop/internet cafe. The net effect is that I am creating a comfortable environment in which to put forth a focused block of time toward an important task...all contributing to a feeling of well-being.

Match Tasks with your Work Productivity Patterns

Do you find that you work most effectively if you stay focused on one task at a time? But what about those emails that need to be answered, websites you want to check out, that essential reading you need to do? I group these tasks into several categories which I handle in focused segments of time throughout the week.

For example, I handle emails in short blocks, 2 times/day. I return calls twice/day. I group my catch-up reading time and website reviews into the early evening, because this is the time when I let myself relax after a productive day. Being a morning person, this works for me; whereas, you may be a night person and setup a different routine.

Treat Important Blocks of Time as Appointments

I find it helpful to break my day into segments, being flexible around what is most pressing. Most people have no problem, typically, in blocking off a piece of the day for a meeting. Yet, if we know that we should take a block of time to design a new landing page, or write a series of articles, we often allow that time to get interrupted with phone calls, going off on internet tangents, constantly checking emails, etc. Instead, treat those segments like appointments...allowing nothing to get in the way.

Do your Most Important Project First

For me, creating forward momentum on our Internet business is the highest priority. So, the first 4 hours of my work day is when I devote to that purpose. It's like an ongoing appointment that I do not vary unless something pressing (pre-planned) trumps it. I shut off the phones and don't check emails. This allows me to get into the productive space such that one task flows efficiently into the next.

Then, at the end of this period, I have a feeling of accomplishment. I can then focus on the other tasks that need attention, or as is often the case, continue on my internet business-building tasks. Most importantly for me, it allows me to approach the rest of my day in a more relaxed fashion.

Try these approaches for yourself. You might just find that they increase your personal productivity.

Career Success Strategies - Interview With Your First Impression in Mind

2008-12-16T03:07:00.000-08:00

"A statesman who keeps his ear permanently glued to the ground will have neither elegance of posture nor flexibility of movement." -- Abba Eban (1915-2002)

It takes less than 6 seconds to leave a first impression. It is said not to judge a book by its cover, but come on, isn't it the color, the design, the layout and title that draws us to pick up a book that may be of interest to us? When perusing magazines or CDs we are attracted to the cover. Notice what you make up about a person when you are first introduced to her/him? What are you making up about that person? Spend some time people watching and notice the assumptions you make. Is most of what you hear yourself saying negative or positive?

Something that most of us don't take notice to is how we stand or walk. The military requires soldiers to have the best postures. Why do you suppose the military trains its soldiers to march straight and tall? What possible difference can standing tall make?

Let's say you are going for a job interview or you are networking at an event to build your business. Within seconds you have already said a lot about yourself by the way you walk. The unseen that surrounds you is the energy you are expending which comes from your attitude and self-esteem. The seen part is your body language.

How you stand and walk says volumes about you before you even say a word. The majority of us walk around everyday without paying any attention to what we are saying even though we are not uttering a word. There is a lot that can be said about body language from the clothes you wear to gestures.

I took notice of this topic recently as I recalled something about changing my posture to improve my level of confidence. I was about to venture on a new project, which would take me out of my comfort zone. My gremlins were having a field day with me uttering all kinds of reasons why I couldn't do a good job with this new opportunity. I tucked in my tummy, put my shoulders back, held my head high, and took a walk. Soon thereafter, I felt so much better.

I approached the project with new zest and possibility. Wow what a difference! Try it.

Practice standing with tummy tucked in, shoulder blades reaching to touch each other, chin up and looking straight ahead. This exercise is quite effective regardless of body size. For those of you looking to lose weight, standing more erect gives the impression you have lost 5-15 lbs, depending on your current weight. Since pulling in my tummy and walking straighter, my friends are asking me if I lost weight. It's magic! It's so simple! It is also healthier. Walking tall may even give you the momentum to start exercising and eating more moderately if you so wish.

The ability to capture your audience when you walk into a room is sure to start you off on the right foot when going on an interview or making a presentation to prospective clients. Non-verbal signals have five times the impact of verbal signals. So you can count on losing your audience when you walk in with head down dragging your feet regardless how much you try to change it. This is a small step in making a big impression in your non-verbal communication.
Questions hold the answers:

* What can be improved in the way you stand and walk?
* When you stand and walk erect what do you notice?
* When you slouch what does it feel like compared to standing erect?
* What is your assessment of someone who slouches?
* What is the posture of the leaders you admire?
* What benefits would "standing tall" have when going on an interview?

Tips:

* Correct posture can actually help you be calmer and more relaxed, which is the way you want to be on an interview or making a presentation. This can actually be put to the test. Check out the above website to see how.
* Listen to your body and feel the power as you individualize your "standing tall".
* Do you know that it is impossible to be depressed with correct posture and chin up? Try it!

Remember to stand tall and anything is possible!

A Woman's Worth

2008-08-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take 'no' for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have the compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

How to Meet New People Without Being Creepy

2008-07-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

Stop limiting yourself! If you go into the situation thinking people will reject your attempt at striking up conversation, you will ultimately be unapproachable. Most people are generally friendly, and everyone enjoys making new friends. If someone does happen to be unresponsive, don't worry! Who wants to be friends with him/her?
Have a positive relationship with yourself. Be confident in who you are, your beliefs, your likes/dislikes, and have a solid understanding of what you are about. This gives you a personality and confidence! You need both to make friends (who like YOU).
Try asking for their opinion on something. This person will be flattered you value his/her thoughts on the subject matter. Also, try being witty or making a small joke. Laughter is a great way to break the ice.
Be honest. Don't try to impress or boast.
Ask questions about school or directions. Strike up a conversation - any conversation! No one said you had to have a profound first remark which enlightens the other person's being.
Try flattery! Make sure you are sincere and pick a compliment which is directed specifically to the other person. Instead of "cute jeans" try "I can see by that (title of band)'s cd in your hand you have great taste in music!
Join clubs or do charity work with subjects that interest you. If you find it interesting you'll automatically find other people who do as well.
Don't judge others - it will keep you from making new friends more than anything else. Never pass up the opportunity to be nice to someone else.
Be patient. Realize it may take some time.
Ask people about fun places to hang out.

Tips

Have a positive attitude. If you assume that they are going to think you are creepy, you might act in a way that makes them think that. If you have the attitude that they will like you and you behave like you really believe that, you will get a remarkably better response.
Forced smiles look unnatural, instead try to feel how you feel when things are really going your way. If you get to that place you'll have a smile without even trying.
Be interesting. If you aren't interesting, work on it.
Stop thinking and worrying about how others perceive you. If you obsess that people will think of you as creepy during social settings they are bound to!
It's best to go up to someone who looks friendly, bored or who smiles at you.

Warnings

People might think you're creepy and ignore you anyway. A lot of people are like that because they're overly protective of themselves. In this case, they are the creepy ones, and you don't have to worry about meeting them.

25 places to meet new people

2008-07-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

Learn where to meet new people. In this fast paced world, a lot of people out there are lonely. Change your attitude and get out there and make new friends.

In this fast paced world we live in, sometimes we don't make time to socialize. Before you know it, your friends have all gone their own ways and often you are left alone. You sit night after night watching TV or spending time on the computer.

The computer you say, can help you meet people. Sometimes it can, but more often than not, it's just faceless, meaningless chatroom conversation. It's better to get outside of your home, see people face-to-face, socialize and have fun!

There are many reasons you may not get out to meet people. You're too busy, too tired, too shy, too frustrated by the social scene, and just overwhelmed by it all. But the alternative is to be alone.

Listed next are 25 places to meet people. Some ideas to help get you motivated to go out and make some new friends. All you have to do is leave your house! You have nothing to lose and so much to gain: FRIENDS! Change your attitude, be open to possibilities, relax, and have fun. Bars and nightclubs are not mentioned as there are many better and preferred ways to meet people.

1)Join a health club: solves two problems; you'll become less of a couch potato and more fit. Think of all the people you will meet. The friends you meet here will most likely be healthy, athletic and attractive. You'll look better and feel better at the same time.

2)Take a class, any class: again a two in one tactic; you'll learn something new and make new friends with similar interests. Conversation is easier if you have something in common.

3)Go to Museums: Many museums have special events and members only events. Become a member and meet lots of cultured people.

4)Got to sporting events: Go to sporting events of any kind; soccer, football, basketball, etc. Go to professional games or college games, guaranteed to have fun.

5)Go to Flea Markets and Antique Shows: While you're browsing the finds, you can people watch.

6)Play a Sport: Have you ever wanted to play soccer after watching a game on TV? Lots of towns have adult sport programs. Volleyball and tennis are common town recreational sports you could join.

7)Join a Book Club: Check this out at your local library. Reading books and sharing them is another great way to get to know people.

8)Join a Singles Group: Self-explanatory, there are many singles organizations out there that plan singles dances, get-aways, etc.

9)Volunteer: Help build houses for Habitat for Humanity; give out beverages at marathons, or join one of the many volunteer organizations.

10)Have a Party: Invite your friends and have them invite two friends and so on and so on.

11)Learn a craft: take craft classes at your local community center.

12)Join a Business Association: If you are a professional, join your local association. Network for your business and your personal life.

13)Go to High School/College Reunions: A great way to reconnect with your old best friend!

14)Get a Dog and Walk Everywhere: go to parks and the beach with your dog. Dogs are great people meeters!

15)Go to every Party you are invited to: even if you don't want to go...go. You never know who you'll meet.

16)Join an Investment Club: make money and friends!

17)Travel: go to the islands; Europe; talk to everyone. Learn about their culture.

18)Go to seminars: lots of people go to seminars alone; great place to start a conversation.

19)Go to Wine Tastings: sometimes local restaurants have a wine-tasting night.

20)Go skiing, snowmobiling, snowboarding

21)Take a yoga, Tai Chi class: relieve tensions and meet other enlightened people.

22)Get a new job: Is your job boring, going nowhere, maybe you need a change. A new job is a great place to make some new relationships.

23)Join a women's or men's group

24)Take up acting; go to acting workshops, help create scenery.

25)Talk to everyone, everywhere

As you can see, these are not difficults methods.

They are tried and true. Remember, you can never have too many friends!

Change your Life Style

2008-06-19T03:20:00.000-07:00

If your debts are building up, your relationship is leading you astray, or your career is at a halt, it's about time to analyze your situation and start the process of life change. Make a decision today to do all that yo u can to transform your life. To do or not; it's all up to you.

Create clear and well defined goals.
In whatever you attempt in life, you must first have clear and well defined goals. You are where you are now because you might have become indifferent about your goals in life.

Establish the action Steps.
You should not think about making your problems go away. Instead you should set your mind to create action steps to bring what you want into existence. Clear goals and precise action steps or strategy are requirements to start off.

Be willing to make Changes.
Wanting something different means letting go of whatever is holding you back up until today. Your personality may need a lift, yourself esteem a boost and your thinking definitely has to shift.

Start Believing in yourself.
Even though you have made mistakes and gone through challenges in life, there is every possibility to turn things around. You have to start to believe yourself. Your beliefs about what you can do and achieve are vital to making your dreams come true.

Take Immediate Action.
It does not matter whether you are fully prepared to start. Once you have a goal, know what you have to do, and are willing to get out of your comfort zone and start believing yourself, take immediate action. Do what you can with want you have and you will build the momentum and fight your fear.

Allow time for study and learning the skills.
In order to make life changes, you have to allow time to study and learn new skills. You gain knowledge through reading, listening and from doing things. If what you do does not give you the expected result, you have not failed instead have gained a new experience.

Take charge of your thoughts.
Your mind is endlessly producing pictures, images, voices and sensations without your conscious awareness. Those thoughts have influenced and affected your emotions and responses. It is abut time you take control and give the instruction instead. Direct your mind by creating images of what you want to say to yourself. Otherwise it will go on with the endless cycle of producing thoughts from the past and that of doubts and fears. Pause during the day and night to contemplate and to remain in focus. You need to take a break in between to see whether you are moving in the right direction. Sometimes you may seem busy doing things that are of not much importance. Contemplation allows you to observe and listen and it provides inspiration.

Impose the disciplines. Persist even when progress seems slow.
Keep on even when progress seems slow. Remind yourself that it takes time to grow and to make life changes. Impose the disciplines to take action everyday. Your next action or the next person you meet may provide the solution

Who Moved My Cheese?

2008-06-11T05:20:00.000-07:00

An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work & In Your Life.
DR SPENCER JOHNSON

“Cheese” – a metaphor for what we want to have in life, whether it is a job, a relationship, money, a big house, freedom, health, recognition, spiritual peace, or even an activity like jogging or golf. Each of us has our own idea of what Cheese is, and we pursue it because we believe it makes us happy. If we get it, we often become attached to it. And if we lose it, or it’s taken away, it can be traumatic.

ONCE, long ago, there lived 4 little characters who ran through a maze looking for cheese to nourish them & make them happy. Two were mice named “Sniff” & “Scurry” and two were little people named “Hem” & “Haw”. Every morning, the mice & the little people dressed in their running gear & headed over to Cheese Station C where they found their own kind of cheese. It was a large store of Cheese that Hem & Haw eventually moved their homes to be closer to it & built a social life around it. To make themselves feel more at home, Hem & Haw decorated the walls with sayings. One read:

Having Cheese Makes You Happy

One morning, Sniff & Scurry arrived at Cheese Station C & discovered there was no cheese. They weren’t surprised. Since they had noticed the supply of cheese had been getting smaller every day, they were prepared for the inevitable & knew instinctively what to do. They were quickly off in search of New Cheese. Later that same day, Hem & Haw arrived. “What! No Cheese? Who moved my Cheese? It’s not fair!”, Hem yelled. They went home that night hungry & discouraged. But before they left, Haw wrote on the wall:

The More Important Your Cheese Is To You, The More You Want To Hold Onto It.

The next day Hem & Haw left their homes, & returned to Cheese Station C. But situation hadn’t changed. Haw asked, “Where are Sniff & Scurry? Do you think they know something we don’t?” Hem scoffed, “What would they know? They’re just simple mice. They just respond to what happens. We’re little people. We’re smarter.” Haw suggested, “Maybe we should stop analyzing the situation so much and just get going & find some New Cheese. Haw decided to leave Cheese Station C while Haw was more comfortable staying in the cheeseless Station C. Hem announced, “It’s MAZE time!” and wrote:

If You Do Not Change, You Can Become Extinct.

Meanwhile, Sniff & Scurry went farther into the maze until they found Cheese Station N. They found what they had been looking for: a great supply of New Cheese. It was the biggest store of cheese the mice had ever seen.

Haw on the other hand become more anxious & wondered if he really wanted to go out into the Maze. He wrote a saying on the wall ahead of him & stared at it for some time:

What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?

Haw now realized that the change probably would not have taken him by surprise if he had been watching what was happening all along and if he had anticipated change. He stopped for a rest & wrote on the wall of the Maze:

Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old.

Haw wondered if Hem had moved on, or if he was still paralyzed by his own fears. Then, Haw remembered the times when he had felt his best in the Maze. It was when he was moving along. He wrote:

Movement In A New Direction Helps You Find New Cheese.

As Haw started running down the dark corridor, he began to smile. Haw didn’t realize it yet, but he was discovering what nourished his soul. He was letting go & trusting what lay ahead for him, even though he did not know exactly what it was.

To his surprise, Haw started to enjoy himself more & more. He stopped to write again on the wall:

When You Move Beyond Your Fear, You Feel Free.

To make things even better, Haw started to paint a picture in his mind again. He saw himself in great realistic detail, sitting in the middle of a pile of all his favorite cheeses-from Cheddar to Brie! He saw himself eating the many cheeses he liked, & he enjoyed what he saw.

The more clearly he saw the image of himself enjoying New Cheese, the more real & believable it became. He wrote:

Imagining Myself Enjoying New Cheese, Even Before I Find It, Leads Me To It.

Haw wondered why he had always thought that a change would lead to something worse. Now he realized that change could lead to something better.

Then he raced through the Maze with greater strength & agility. Until he found bits of New Cheese. He entered the Cheese Station but it was empty. Someone had already been there.

He stopped & wrote on the wall:

The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner you Find New Cheese.

Haw made his way back to Cheese Station C to offer Hem bits of New Cheese but was turned down. Hem wanted his own Cheese back. Haw just shook his head in disappointment but this does not stop him from finding New Cheese. He smiled as he realized:

It Is Safer To Search In The Maze Than Remain In The Cheeseless Situation.

Haw realized again, that what you are afraid of is never as bad as what you imagine. The fear you let build up in your mind is worse than the situation that actually exists.

He realizes it was natural for change to continually occur, whether you expect it or not. Change could surprise you only if you didn’t expect it & weren’t looking for it.

When he realized he had changed his beliefs, he paused to write on the wall:

Old Beliefs Do Not Lead You To New Cheese.

Haw now realized that his new beliefs were encouraging him to behave in a new way. He was behaving differently from the way he had when he had kept returning to the same cheeseless station.

It all depends on what you choose to believe. He wrote on the wall:

When You See That You Can Find And Enjoy New Cheese, You Change Course.

Haw just hoped he was heading in the right direction. He thought about the possibility that Hem would read The Handwriting On The Wall & find his way.

He wrote on the wall what he had been thinking about for some time:

Noticing Small Changes Early Helps You Adapt To The Bigger Changes That Are To Come.

He continued on through the Maze with greater strength & speed. He proceeded along a corridor that was new to him, rounded a corner, & found New Cheese at Cheese Station N where he saw the greatest supply of Cheese he had ever seen.Sniff & Scurry welcomed him.“Hooray for Change!”

Haw wrote down a summary of what he had learned on the largest wall of Cheese Station N & smiled as he looked at what he had learned:

Change Happens
Anticipate Change
Monitor Change
Adapt To Change Quickly
Change
Enjoy Change !

Be Ready To Change Quickly & Enjoy It Again.

Move With The Cheese & Enjoy It !

Career Advice

2008-06-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

Once you have found a job vacancy that you want to apply for, the top tips below will help you compose a covering letter and make the most of your skills, qualifications and experience as you compile a CV.

Career advice: covering letters

A covering letter is sent with either a CV or application form and is usually the first thing that is read, so while it isn’t hugely important in the total communication regarding a job, you can fall at the first hurdle if isn’t done properly.

As with any communication, a covering letter is an expression of your brand, i.e. you, so think about how you want to come across and what you want to convey.

Here are some guidelines which will help you to write a good covering letter:

· If sending by post, use good quality paper
· If sending via email, use tables without borders to keep the copy tidy and prevent it moving around or going onto a second page when sent to a different computer/operating system
· Create a headline with the job reference number and/or job title so that they are immediately clear about what it is referring to
· The letter should be short, to the point and clear
· If possible, find out the person’s name rather than putting ‘Sir/Madam’ and remember to use the correct sign off before your signature, i.e. ‘Yours sincerely’ if you use their name or ‘Yours faithfully’ if you can’t source their name and need to use Sir/Madam
· Use 12-point size copy and a normal, “non-wacky”, typeface
· Remember to check the spelling and grammar using spellchecker and have plenty of space rather than it feeling crowded. Use paragraph 1.5 lines in Word
· Refer to the advert/job specification and pull out the most salient points to refer to when you specify how you meet these criteria
· Unless you are asked to do a hand-written covering letter, create one using a computer
· Show enthusiasm for the job advertised and illustrate your knowledge of position/company
· Offer to provide additional information and make sure that you put your relevant contact details, i.e. a phone number that you can speak freely on and an email that is confidential to you. Put your contact details on the letter, either at the top of the page or in the footer
· Be positive and never be negative about your current employer or job, or your potential employer may fear that you will do the same in the future about them
· At the end of the letter, put Enc. and list what you are sending with the letter, e.g. a CV, references or an application form.

Career advice: Your CV

Your CV is a very important document. It is a summary of who you are, where you've worked, and it needs to convince the reader very quickly to read on beyond the first page and that you are worth investing more of their time in. Its main objective is to gain you an interview and its second objective is to give an initial impression of you as a brand.

As someone working in the marketing and communications field, remember the skills that you apply to brands can also be applied to yourself, so keep your objective in mind and create a strategy and plan for your CV.

In an ideal world, your CV would be targeted 100% to each individual job, but lack of time can prevent this.

A good CV:

Is no more than three pages in length
Its content and style is targeted to your target audience, i.e. the interviewer(s)
Its design/layout matches your target employer/profession, i.e. modern if modern, traditional if traditional
Says enough without saying too much
It needs to convey both what makes you different or better than your competitors, and give an indication about your ‘brand' character

Common mistakes on CVs

Putting the education section first
Not putting the most recent information e.g. jobs and qualifications first
Making it too long/wordy so the reader switches off
Having too much detail about what you do in your job, rather than how you've added value
Including references
Not giving enough thought to the design and font used
Lying/exaggerating your role

Tips to create a good CV:

Create a clear and consistent structure using tables/borders/different sized fonts or bold/underline/italics for headings
Put the key information on the first page, i.e. your name and address; paragraph summary about your years' experience and achievements and initiatives.
Unless you have under five years experience, put where you've worked and what you've done further back in a tidy format
Include training and other information such as hobbies to give a flavour of you the person
Don't repeat information - summarise your core skills
Think about what you want the reader to feel and think and then design your CV to elicit this response
Use action words and data on £ budgets, % increases etc to build evidence e.g. achieved, initiated etc
Get feedback from people you know and trust; recruitment agencies and interviewers can also provide useful pointers
If posting, use good quality paper; if emailing, send a PDF to keep the design intact.

Imagination is more important than knowledge

2008-06-05T04:42:00.000-07:00

Albert Einstein once said “Imagination is more important than knowledge”. I woke up this morning and imagined a world where I would wake up one day and just place a call each to people like Richard Branson, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Steve Balmer, Jack Welch, Abramovich,Femi Otedola, Dangote, Jim Ovia, Subomi Balogun, Fola Adeola, Okonji Iweala, Oby Ezekweseli, Dora Akunyili, Felix Ohiwerei, Tayo Aderinokun, Oba Otudeko, Christopher Kolade, Wole Soyinka, Francis Atuche, Otunba Gadaffi etc to let us meet and in a twinkle of an eye they would honor my call.

I told a friend about this and he said I must be dreaming. I was so happy when he said “I must be dreaming” because as long as my dream becomes a reality and not a nightmare, life is good. I told my friend that even if it does not happen with the Femi Otedolas of today, the fact is I want to be a friend to the Femi Otedolas and the Dangotes of my time , it would happen and these people are my friends of today. I have a dream of seeing you my friends of today as the ones going to take control of this country’s economy soon but we all must be prepared so that our children would not ask us that Daddy, Mummy I thought you said Mr Lagbaja and Mrs. Lakasegbe were once your friends but why………….

What I believe is where God can take you to no man can get you there and as such all we need to continue to ask for is God’s revelation which is the secret to success. For some of us who find it difficult to buy and read textbooks but find it easier to read motivational books, underlisted are some of the words I share and believe in.

If you share a dream of being one the stakeholders in this economy in the near future then let me share what I learnt about the under listed with you within this month.

Commitment

An Open Mind

Persistence

Flexibility

Faith

Thankfulness

Passion

Commitment

What are you doing with your Life: would you say you are living your dream; or are you just making the best of things, just getting to the next week - what we might call: existing rather than living? If you are living your dream, then well done: you are truly on the road to success. If you are not living your dream - or even if you have no dream at present - then do not despair because it is never late than never Try and find your dream, develop it and then move on actually achieve it! Click here to read more

An Open Mind

Simply put, doing unique, random, different, and ridiculous things is a good way to exercise the mind and promote new ways of thinking about the world around us. One hour of increased brain activity via thinking a lot or experiencing new stimuli can make you smarter, more energetic, more creative, more sociable, and more open to new experiences and ways of thinking. Click here to read more

Persistence

Persistence is the ability to maintain action regardless of your feelings. You press on even when you feel like quitting. Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. Click here to read more

Flexibility

Flexibility is an option, not a right. Flexibility is not about saying, "Yes" to every request. Rather, flexible work policies focus both on the benefits to the employee and the impact on the organization.

Faith

Faith is acceptance of what we cannot see but feel deep within our hearts.

Faith is raising the sail of our little boat until it is caught up in the soft winds above and picks up speed, not from anything within itself, but from the vast resources of the universe around us. ~W. Ralph Ward

Passion

Passion is an emotion of feeling very strongly about a person. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything and often requiring action. Passion often applies to lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love. Click here to read more

To live a truly successful life, you do need to first have a dream. As Carl Sandburg, American historian, poet and novelist put it, "nothing happens unless first a dream".

If you think about it, nothing at all that now exists within our experience of physical reality did not first exist in the mind of the person who made it or brought it into being. In all cases, everything is created twice: the physical creation follows the mental creation.

To succeed, you must have a dream, or you may prefer to call it a vision - and you must completely commit yourself to its ultimate fulfillment - that is the essence of the mental creation.

“We make life by what we give and making a living by what we get”

What Makes for An Effective Leader?

2008-05-27T01:39:00.000-07:00

Passion
An effective leader is a person with a passion for a cause that is larger than they are. Someone with a dream and a vision that will better society, or at least, some portion of it. I think a very key question has to be answered: Can someone who is a charismatic leader, but only to do evil or to promote herself, be a leader -- especially if she has a large following?” I would say no, she is a manipulator.
Also, without passion, a leader will not make the necessary courageous and difficult decisions and carry them into action. This is not to imply that all decisions are of this nature. But you can be sure, some of them will be. The leader without a passion for a cause will duck.

Holder of Values
Leadership implies values. A leader must have values that are life-giving to society. It is the only kind of leadership we need. This then also implies values that are embedded in respect for others. So often we think of people skills or caring about people as being “warm and fuzzy.” I think a leader can be of varying ‘warmth and fuzziness,” but a leader has to respect others. You can’t lead without it. Otherwise we are back to manipulation. Respect means also that one can deal with diversity -- a critical need for a leader in today’s world -- probably always has been, although diversity may have been more subtle in the homogenous societies of the past.

Vision
This is a bit different than passion, but in other ways it isn’t separable. If one doesn’t care about a subject, an issue, a system, then one won’t spend the time thinking about how it could or should be different. Yet, one could have strong feelings about something and not good ideas, particularly if she didn’t spend a good deal of time studying the topic. Thus a leader has to have some ideas about change, about how the future could be different. Vision then is based on two components that leaders also need: creativity and intellectual drive.

Creativity
One has to try to think out of the box to have good visions and to come up with effective strategies that will help advance the vision. I’d also add here the need for a sense of humor. It’s a creative skill that is in great need by leaders. We should read the funnies more!

Intellectual Drive and Knowledge
I believe a leader has to be a student. In general it is hard for a leader to be around enough other leaders to pick this up just through discussion, so I think a leader has to be a reader and a learner. Furthermore, I can’t see someone leading in a field they know nothing about.

Confidence and Humility Combined
While one can have a great vision and good ideas for change, and even passion for it, if one isn’t confident, then action will not occur. Without action, there is no change. Yet, paradoxically, a leader needs to have humility. No matter how creative and bright one is, often the best ideas and thinking are going to come from someone else. A leader needs to be able to identify that, have good people around who have these ideas. This takes humility, or at least lack of egocentricity. The leader is focused on the ends and doesn’t have to see herself always as the conduit or creator of the strategy to get to that end.

Communicator
None of the above assets will work for a leader if she can’t speak or write in a way to convince others that they should follow along, join the team, get on board. All the above gets to the old adage that a leader knows how to do the right thing and a manager knows how to do things right. But a leader has to be a manager, too. I don’t think these skills and abilities can be separated out very easily. Both need to be in the mix.

Thus a leader has to be some of the following, too:
Planner/Organizer
Someone who can see what needs to be done and help the team plan and organize the getting it done. Management is getting things done through people. While a writer or other visionary person may be very influential, even seminal for the cause of change, this is not quite my definition of a leader. A leader means to me, someone who is taking action, trying to get others to do something they want to see done.

Interpersonal Skills
Leaders must have the ability to act in an interpersonally competent manner, yet they also need to learn the techniques of good listening, honest and open communication, delegating, conflict resolution skills, etc., to actually get work done and keep the whole movement/organization/project together.

Other Business Skills
While in some arenas you may be able to get by with only some of these skills or none of them (if you can hire good enough people to do it for you), generally speaking you must have at least some skills in financial management, human resources, information management, sales, marketing, etc.

Tummy Tightening and Weight Loss

2008-05-06T03:47:00.000-07:00

With all the diet fads and quick weight loss claims out there, how do you know who and what to trust for a successful weight loss plan?

The truth is, there are so many different voices of reason out there that no one weight loss solution is suitable for everyone. If you are serious about wanting to lose weight successfully without falling victim to yo-yo dieting, a reliable rule of thumb is: when in doubt, go organic. This means no miracle pills, no secret formulas, no magical weight loss belts, but rather pure organic exercise, healthy eating and nutrition. It may not sound as easy as a miracle pill but it is definitely more reliable. One great way to get a little exercise and work at slimming your bulge is to focus on tummy tightening.

Tummy Tightening the organic way…

The good news about tummy tightening is that you can pretty much get started anytime, anywhere. Here’s a couple organic tummy tightening exercises that you can perform either at a gym, in your living room or in the open space of your back yard:

1. The crunch

Lie on you back.

Place your feet on the floor, as close to your bottom as possible, with your knees placed together.

Fold your arms across your chest and relax your neck.
Inhale and slowly raise your shoulders as high as you can while keeping your lower back on the floor.

Hold that position for a count of 1 and breathe out forcefully.

Slowly relax the stomach muscles and allow your shoulders to return to the floor.

Repeat this procedure 10 - 12 times, rest for 60 seconds then repeat.

2. Lying Leg Raises

Lie on your back with your hands, palms down under your buttocks.

Raise your legs about 30cm (12") off the floor and hold them there.

Now trying to use just your lower abs, raise your legs by another 15cm (6"). Do this by tilting the pelvis upwards instead of lifting the legs with the psoas.

Make sure your knees are slightly bent.

Repeat the pelvis tilt 10 times, rest for 60 seconds then repeat.

In conjunction with good ol’ organic exercise, it’s important to include a healthy organic diet and nutrition plan in order to reap the most long-term benefits of tummy tightening exercises and weight loss.

Healthy Eating and Nutrition the organic way…

Although there are many food plans out there to help guide you in getting a sufficient amount of nutrients throughout the day, the truth is, it can sometimes be difficult to find time for healthy eating. If you tend to fall victim to a busy schedule, you may want to consider a nutritional supplement plan to help boost your energy and gain the nutrients difficult to get out of meals on the run. Nutritional supplements can be a great addition to any tummy tightening weight loss plan and will help you develop longevity with your results.

Tummy Exercises, abs, 6-pack, crunches, sit-ups, weight loss, body tone, lose 10 pounds

What is the Easiest Way to Lose My Tummy Fat?

2008-05-06T03:45:00.000-07:00

There is no miracle cure that will help one lose tummy fat, mostly due to the fact that the stomach is one of the most obstinate fat holdouts for many people. Short of major liposuction and tummy tucks, one must lose tummy fat at a slow rate. There are no quick diets, or quick pills that will result in one being able to lose tummy fat quickly.

The most important factor in helping one lose tummy fat is regular cardiovascular exercise. This does not mean taking casual walks. Generally, depending upon one’s age, one should work out for at least 15-20 minutes, five days a week, at peak heart rate. Aerobic dancing, jogging, fast walking, jazzercise, swimming, and using stair steppers, bicycles or ski machines can all help one lose tummy fat.

Generally, one must work up to peak heart rate, and one should check with a doctor regarding what one’s peak should be. But usually, the 15-20 minutes should occur after about 15 minutes of warming up. One will get to peak heart rate more quickly if one is working more than one major muscle group simultaneously, like the arms and legs. Thus aerobic dancing or swimming may be more effective than riding a bike.

Second, exercises that work the stomach muscles are important. Building muscle mass in the body helps us to burn calories more efficiently and reduce fat storage. Lean stomach muscles can reduce the size of a larger stomach. Many people do abdominal crunches to lose tummy fat, but often do them incorrectly.

Using a weight machine, or participating in Pilates 2-3 times a week may be more effective. As well, Pilates helps one work other problem areas like hips and thighs. If one doesn’t have the times for a full Pilates' class, adapt 15 minutes of abdomen-oriented exercises for home use. One many not lose tummy fat if abdomen exercises are not combined with the fat-burning power of cardiovascular exercise. A combination of both is needed in order to lose tummy fat.

In addition to exercise, pay attention to diet. Do not eat in excess of what you need-most westerners consume far more food than what the body really requires. Sticking to the Food Pyramid diet is often one of the best ways to lose tummy fat.

Lastly, stress does often cause fat to accumulate around the stomach. Fortunately, someone who is regularly exercising is going a long way toward reducing stress already. One might further help their battle to lose tummy fat by trying to destress, using a variety of relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and prayer.

Significant stress that seems to occur without outside stressors may suggest one is suffering from chemical imbalances. If you suffer from panic attacks or great anxiety, you may notice more tummy fat and it may be harder to lose. One should address this with a physician, as restoring an appropriate chemical balance can significantly reduce stress, and possibly help one lose tummy fat. As well, one should always see a physician prior to beginning an exercise program.

Career Succession Planning

2008-05-05T06:46:00.000-07:00

Career succession planning is something that many people fail to consider let alone plan. Ideally, we are all waiting for either that C-spot, cashing out and taking the entrepreneurial route or retiring rich (preferrably after hitting the lottery!). There are steps that need to be taken to adequately prepare for career succession.

Get your managers and HR liasons involved in career pathing. Make it known what career path you want to follow and be sure to let your managers know so they can aid in developing your plan. An ally in HR is good to have so you can learn about the different opportunities that are available in the company.
Develop your plan. Where you you want to go? What do you want to be when you grow up? Figure out what you ultimately would like to be doing at the height of your career and make goals and plans accordingly. This includes continuing your education (formal or informal).
Set a timeline for your goals. You should know what you should achieve at each step of your plan. Figure out how much time you need to give yourself to get to each point. If you are not keeping up with these timelines you need to adjust your goals and/or plan.
Keep yourself open to projects. Volunteering for project will give you the hands on experience you need to get you to your goal. Give yourself a chance to show what you can do. Incorporate any current and newly learned skills and make sure your managers are aware.
Groom your replacement. There are many up and comers. But not everyone is deserving of your position. Everyone knows about networking and mentoring. You should be taking advantage of both. Keep your eye on fresh talent and look for those willing to learn, sacrifice and go the extra mile to get that brass ring. Don't try to turn this person into a carbon copy of yourself. But impart some of your wisdom and skill into this person.
Have an exit plan. Having this is as important as having a career plan to begin with. Then note the above points.

Every career has a beginning, a middle and an end. It's up to you to make sure you work it all out for a smooth transition when it's time for you to go.

Career Ownership

2008-04-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've been saying for years that people, especially women, need to drive their own careers. Career ownership is vital to success. If we don't take an invested interest in our own careers, nobody else will. But how do we steer our careers so that we are the drivers and controllers?

There are several things that you can do to make sure you keep ownership and accountability in your career.

* Own it! That's right. The first and most important step is to take ownership. Be accountable for your own choices. If things are not going the way you expected them, don't blame someone else. Look in the mirror and then decide what you are going to do to fix it. Be accountable because nobody else owes you anything in this world. You want it, make it happen.
* Make Decisions- It's up to you to decide what is best for your career. Sit down in a quiet place and gather your thoughts. On paper, free write for at least five minutes. Write the things you hope to accomplish, things you will accomplish short term, things you will accomplish long term, what is needed to reach these accomplishments, and who you need to know to make it happen. It doesn't need to be in any specific order. Once you get it all out, put it in a clear plan. Set deadlines for each one. Make the decision on which goals are most important and focus on those.
* Develop and manage key relationships- Once you've made your decisions on your goals, you need to find and build relationships with key people who can help you in your career. Now, do not target people you can use. The objective is to get to know these people and include them in your network. Work to build a real give and take relationship with them. If you go into the relationship with impure motives, believe me, it will soon be brought to light. Be honest and realistic with them and your self. Once you build these relationships, treat them as the valued prizes they are.
* Get a Mentor- Find one or two people who are where you want to be in your career. Reach out to them and let them know who you are and what you hope to accomplish. A mentor relationship is much different than a key networking relationship in that a mentor will be there to guide and advise you. Be realistic about your choices because everyone is not cut out to be a mentor. Create an interview process. Seriously! A mentor relationship is very important and not one you should enter into lightly. There needs to be a fit between the parties. Make sure your mentor fits.
* Make your work (and results) more visible to those who matter- This doesn't mean arrogantly tooting your own horn every chance you get! Doing great work alone is essential but not sufficient when it comes to getting recognition and visibility around the organization. A key ingredient to success is also making sure you are getting visibility for the work you do. You can get visibility outside of the company by speaking at conferences, participating in networking events, sharing your expertise with your peers, volunteer, and by writing articles. A note of caution. If you choose to blog, please be cognizant of what you say. Remember, the "internet" has a long memory so be careful of how you represent yourself there. Finally, look for assignments and projects that allow you to showcase your expertise.
* Brag on yourself- When important milestones happen for you, share them. Sharing your accomplishments allow you to let others see what your capabilities are. And, it could potentially lead to bigger and better things for you. Don't be afraid to toot your own horn.
* Get educated!- Get the credentials and education necessary to help you achieve your goals. Whether it's a continuing education course, going back to school for your degree, or certification, it all counts. Don't go into extreme debt, but don't "skip school" because you feel you can't afford it. Look for scholarships, grants, tuition reimbursement, a sponsor or any other means that will allow you to get the education you need.

There is no one size fits all plan for taking ownership of your career. But if you take the steps above, you can be in control of your destiny and pave your own path. Remember, your career starts, progresses and ends with only you. Be accountable. Own your career.

Make The Elephant Jump

2008-04-04T03:19:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes it is better to lose and do the right thing than to win and do the wrong thing."
Tony Blair

Leadership is not about getting people to do what they want. If they did what they want, you wouldn't be needed as a leader. Instead, leadership is about getting people to do what they don't want to do (or don't think they can do) – and be ardently committed to doing it.

This paradox lies at the heart of all great leadership.

Unlike management, which involves simply the care and feeding of your organizational elephant, great leadership gets that elephant to jump.

Anyone who knows anything about elephants knows that they may run, they may stand on their hind legs, they may kneel on their fore legs, they may roll over; but they don't jump.

And that's what leadership is all about: getting organizations to do what they usually can't do, i.e., getting great results consistently.

Now, you can't do the jumping yourself. The elephant must do it. You can't push the elephant into the air. It must jump of its own volition.

Making the elephant jump involves cultivating a special relationship between the leader and the people of the organization.

Many leaders misunderstand that relationship. They try to use fear and pain to spur the activity needed to achieve consistently great results. "Sure, I'll get this elephant to jump. Just give me a cattle prod!"

But inducing fear and pain are habit forming and ultimately destructive both to the leader and the people.

To make the elephant jump -- not now and then but consistently, i.e., to lead people to consistently to achieve great results -- deep, human emotional bonding between leader and people must take place. And fundamental to that bonding is the nature of the heart of the leader.

This is the secret: You can't get the elephant to jump unless you have a kind heart. Kindness in leadership means following the Leadership Imperative: "I will lead people in such a way that we not only achieve the needed results but they become better as leaders and people."

Most leaders focus on the first part "getting better results" and forget about the second part. But in truth, when you have a kind heart, getting results and helping people be better are not two things but one.

From now on, see every leadership challenge you face as a way of having people increase their knowledge, their skills, their courage, their tenacity, and their leadership abilities. Cultivating that perspective is a kindness.

But don't mistake kindness for being nice. Don't mistake kindness for having people simply feel good. Don't mistake kindness for allowing people to indulge the worst aspects of their character, laziness, inconsiderateness, selfishness, etc.

Furthermore, you may be kind and have people be frustrated with you. Many great leaders I've had relationships with got me frustrated as they had me go through the trouble of tackling challenges I might not otherwise have tackled. (In fact, deep, human, emotional bonding cannot happen without a great deal of frustration.) But I was motivated despite my frustrations because I recognized that they essentially had my best interests at heart.

Yes, through skill, persuasiveness, understanding, forcefulness, education, and guidance, you can get the elephant to jump -- as long as you do it through the kindness of your heart.

Changing Habits

2008-04-04T03:11:00.000-07:00

"Character is one factor that will guide all our actions and decisions. We invested in uncompromising integrity that helped us take difficult stands in some of the most difficult situations."
Azim Premji

Human beings are creatures of habit. We get into a routine that we are comfortable with and we stick to it unless something big comes along and shocks us out of it. Our daily habits often force us to put up with all kind of degrading and destructive events, all in the name of keeping things comfortable or familiar. We would rather put up with the habits we know because we can put up with them, rather than create new habits that we have never experienced before.

The excuses for clinging to our habits range from almost acceptable to completely neurotic. For example, staying in a job that you don't like so that you can continue to pay the mortgage and feed your family is almost an acceptable excuse for staying at your job. It would be just foolish to suddenly quit and start thinking about how to pay your bills.

But it is wrong to think that this job that you dislike has to be it for the rest of your life. Sure it's comfortable, you know you can do it, but don't you owe to yourself, your family, and your employer to get out and do a job that is right for you?

Nothing will change if you don't change. The first step is recognizing that change is necessary. Secondly you have to figure out where you would be more fulfilled in your career. Maybe you have to do something more creative, something outdoors in nature, something that allows you to be in different places, or maybe you have to be the one making all the decisions with your own business. When you are clear about what it is that you really want from your career, you have to start taking steps towards it.

A new job is not going to come running to you just because you're unhappy with your old one. If it's a new industry you may have a lot to learn before even thinking about applying for new positions. You may have to take classes at night while you put up with your dull job during the day.

If it's your own business that you dream of, you may have to start from your home. Working during the night and weekends to move closer to doing it fulltime and leaving your old job.

Just because we are familiar with something is no reason to continue doing it. It's easy to get caught up in day to day living - especially if you have a family to take care of - and to put off any changes that could improve your life. Change can invoke fear, insecurity, and feelings of loss in people. Make the change anyway!

Life is not pausing for you while you are putting up with something that you dislike. Life is passing you by while you waste it doing the wrong thing. There's no rewind button, there's only now, and if you're not happy with your now, Change it!

3 Simple Steps to Communicate Better

2008-04-01T02:11:00.000-07:00

Communication failure is one of the biggest problems faced by businesses today, especially by their managers whose job it is to solve these communication problems; if you learn how to communicate better you can prevent these communication difficulties happening at all.

You know you are heading for communication problems when it appears that the other person has stopped listening to you even before you have finished talking. You get the hint when you can’t attract everyone attention when you speak at meetings or when you are not getting anything back from the other person with whom you are attempting to have a conversation.

You can’t blame other people for this and you can’t change the way that people listen to you; you need to improve your own communication skills.

Pause for thought
People are only capable of listening for so long. That attention span becomes shorter if they disagree with you or become confused, so when you see your audience’s eyes glazing over, you know it’s time to stop talking. Hopefully you will have stopped before that point. If you really want to communicate better, you have to listen too. Find out what other people are thinking; not only is that the polite thing to do but it also enables you to find out what people do not understand or what the resistances are to what you are saying.

Keep to the point
State your points clearly and simply with no mistakes in order to be easily understood. Signal what you are going to talk about from your very first sentence by stating your aim right away. Then the rest of your talk should be the way you expand upon it and illustrate your point of view. You can ask for feedback later or allow brainstorming of ideas if you wish, but make your point clearly first to avoid confusion. At the end, you should summarize any decisions that are made and make each person’s responsibilities for action clear. Make sure each person that needs to do something after the communication has a SMART target.

Watch your tone
You should speak to others as you wish them to speak to you, without arrogance, hostility or sarcasm. Make sure you speak loud enough to be heard but not so loud that your tone appears aggressive. Speak with authority, having thought out your words; you will be much more credible to your audience. If you have a strong regional accent you should try to soften that and make your dialect and accent more standard, to avoid confusing your audience who may not be from the same region.

You don’t have to neutralize your accent completely as an accent can be very endearing, but you need to make sure the way you speak is standardized enough to be understood by others.

You need to learn how to communicate better because communicating well is the best way to ensure that you are listened to and understood by others.

I hope this help you, Best of Luck.

Change Means Action

2008-03-26T03:16:00.000-07:00

Change can be dangerous. That is why our natural instinct is to stay the course; stay put; avoid trying something new; leaving well enough alone; being safe; and I could mention another twenty or so excuses. If you are the type that wants to stay in your comfort zone, you will never experience the immense joy that comes from living. In order to succeed we must take risks and that means we have to change. The only way to make progress as a nation is to change our point of view, to change the way we govern ourselves, to change certain laws that are unfair, and change the way we deal with the bad guys.

Change is an action word and that means we need to act if we are going to progress. Change is not a theoretical practice of the mind, it implies real physical movement. For example, we may say that we have changed our attitude towards someone, but unless that is followed up by an action towards that certain person, they are only shallow words.

Change requires 3 things.

The first is to recognize the need to change.
The second is you actually do the action that is required.
The third is you maintain the new course of action.

The changing part is actually a lot less difficult to do than the first part which again is recognizing that you need to change. The final part is easy. It just requires that you keep on doing the new action over and over again. The second part in the middle means you must turn around and do something different to prove that what you recognized as needed to be done will be done.

Change is empowering no matter how small it is as long as it is positive. Today, why not give change a chance and perform an action that you know needs to be done in your life. You will be gratified and empowered when you do it!

Become a Leader

2008-03-18T06:46:00.001-07:00

"Leaders aren't born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that's the price we'll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal." Vince Lombardi

Our country’s greatest need right now maybe leadership because everything rises and falls on leadership. We need leaders in our business terrain. There is a tendency for us to think that the subject of leadership is for those that are up there or only politicians, but I want you to realize that this discourse is about you and I.

You have leadership potential locked up inside you and you can exert a measure of influence to some degree whenever God might have placed you.

A body cannot move faster than its head the values and principles of a nation depend largely on the leader. This holds true also for a family.

Leadership can be defined as the ability of one person to influence many people to achieve worthwhile goals. The keyword is influence, when you discover the power in leadership, you will want to be a leader because leadership multiplies your effectiveness and puts your success on the geometric level.

The cheapest way to multiply your life is to become a leader to be able to raise other leaders after yourself. Your effectiveness in life will never rise beyond your leadership ability.

Everybody is born to rule. Have you ever influenced anybody to make a decision? Have you persuaded anyone to join you on a course or an assignment? Then you are a leader. Uncommon leaders solve uncommon problems and become an inspiration to others in the process.

To be a leader:

You need a guiding vision: Ability to see ahead to know where we have to go. (Clear picture of the future)

You need a definite purpose: Leaders are crusaders, crusaders are people who are willing to lay their lives for a cause. Stand for what is right wherever you are.

Do something that can make Nigeria Better

How To Be A Newsletter Writer For Hire

2008-03-11T03:15:00.000-07:00

Some weeks back, a business owner approached me to ask if I'd consider writing for his newsletter. I'm an infopreneur, and turning words into wealth in any form sounds attractive to me. I decided to try it out and found it interesting enough to keep doing it.

How can you be a newsletter writer for hire too? It's easy if you consider two things.

First, business owners are too busy doing things and often don't have the time or energy to manage their newsletter. Second, if you have knowledge or expertise in an area, and are familiar with newsletter writing, it becomes more attractive for business owners to outsource the work to you than trying to do it on their own.

So the best way to become a newsletter writer for hire is to develop expertise in an area and find business owners in the niche to write for.

Become Expert in a Niche

If you are already an expert or specialist in a popular niche, good for you. If you are not already a specialist, you can become one by studying the available resources - websites, forums, newsletters, books and courses - until you are reasonably familiar with the niche.
Wait until you can confidently present yourself as a newsletter writer with some competence and knowledge.

Develop Expertise as a Newsletter Writer

The best way to learn the intricacies of publishing a newsletter is to do it yourself. Pick a subject you have skills, knowledge or experience with. Then start becoming a newsletter writer for real.

Create complete issues. Publish them electronically, or even in print. Offer them to your own audience. Gain experience in the various steps of the process. Figure out how to overcome hurdles and solve problems.

Find Business Owners To Contact

Search for relevant businesses that may be able to use your newsletter writing skills to add value to their customers and prospects. If you have gained expert status in dog training, look for businesses that sell things to dog owners like dog food, dog collars, dog kennels and more.

Once you have a list of potential businesses that may find your skills as a newsletter writer of value, approach them to discuss a proposal where you manage their newsletter for them in return for a payment.

Make an Irresistible Offer

When you contact the business owner, remember to focus on the right 'angle' - what's in it fo them. Don't harp about your knowledge, expertise and skills at writing. Instead, sell them on the value of having a newsletter.

Teach them how it opens up a line of communication with their prospects and customers. Show them how they can run product endorsements and special offers within the content of their newsletter and generate more sales. Explain how their newsletter will brand their business and attract buyers more frequently to their store.

Once they are convinced that publishing a newsletter is in the best intersts of their business, you can start positioning yourself as the best person to be their newsletter writer and create a newsletter for their business.

Run projections about how much extra profit you will help generate for their business, and then show how the rates you charge will come out of added profits, making it a zero cost venture for their business, one with infinite upside potential to grow their business massively.

By becoming expert at a niche topic, learning the intricacies of being a newsletter writer, and identifying a target market of related businesses to write for, and then convincing them to let you write for their newsletter, you can take advantage of this overlooked infopreneur opportunity and profit in a big way - easily.

The Real Secret of Getting What You Want In Life

2008-03-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the old saying, "If you don't ask, you don't get!"?

It's well worth taking heed of because far too many of us are afraid to ask for the things we need in order to succeed in life. Asking questions can open doors and bring to us the opportunities that without doubt are already out there. So why do we find it so hard?

The chances are that if you went to a good school you were always encouraged to ask questions. If you didn't quite understand what the teacher was telling you the only way to get it was to ask the meaning. As a Dad I certainly urge my sons to ask questions, it's the only way to learn.

But maybe as a child it's easy to say you don't understand and accept that you don't know something. Then it's easy to do something about it, ask for help and find the solution.

But sadly as we get older we stop asking! Maybe it's because we feel that as adults we should know what things mean and how to do them and so we don't want to appear foolish, particularly in front of our friends, family or work colleagues.

Or perhaps we have just stopped caring enough to want to learn new things and gain new experiences. It's sad, because when you do start to ask you usually start to get!

Sure, we all ask for things every day. We have to when we go shopping, go to the cinema, or go to a restaurant. But we only ask for the simple things!

Take that last example. When you go to a restaurant and see something on the menu that is unfamiliar do you ask the waiter what it is? Congratulations if you do, but most people will simply pass it over and stick with what they know. That's an opportunity lost!

And how many times, when in conversation with a group of people has something been mentioned that you don't understand? Instead of saying so and asking for an explanation it's so easy to just stay quiet and stay ignorant. Another chance wasted!

It's true isn't it? You just don't want to appear foolish.

Well it's time to change!

If you really want to move forward then you need to learn new things every day. You need to broaden your horizons, take on new experiences and discover all you need to get where you want to be.

So start asking. Ask what things mean, how to do them, and above all ask for the things you want in life.

The fact is that one of the keys to good conversation is asking questions. People won't think you're dumb or get annoyed. Instead they'll warm to you and you'll soon find that you are gaining all sorts of benefits. So don't be afraid to raise questions. Ask especially about the topics that you need to find out about to help you to achieve your goals.

Ask why, ask who, ask what. All those questions will get people talking and you'll soon to start to learn lots of new facts and information. You'll gain new knowledge and you'll discover new opportunities that will bring success to your life. And don't ever be afraid to ask for help.

So why not start right now by asking yourself some searching questions. Ask what it is you really want in life and what you need to do to get it. Search inside to find what will really bring you the happiness and fulfillment you desire. Because if you don't know what motivates you then you won't get to where you want to be.

So ask, and very soon you will begin to "get"!

Fun Ways to Learn French Fast

2008-03-06T08:44:00.000-08:00

French is a beautiful language. It is one of the rare languages where you can express all emotions. I feel romantic every time I speak it and learning French has added so much to my travels. When you learn a foreign language, you will also gain knowledge of the culture, geography, history and daily life. The French language is spoken in many countries on all the continents.

France is the world's top tourist destination (60 million tourists yearly). In France there is always something to explore - from the Gothic cathedrals of the north to the Romanesque churches of the centre and west, the chateaux of the Loire, the Roman monuments of the south, the ruined castles of the English and the Cathars and the Dordogne's prehistoric cave-paintings.

So what are the best ways to learn French? Taking a class is an excellent way to learn. You will be able to have conversations in French with other learners and your tutor. You can also learn by listening to tapes and there are some excellent online courses.

I feel that learning a new language should be fun; otherwise it is too easy to lose motivation and give up. So think up some new and creative ways to enhance your learning.

Read comics, magazine and newspapers in French. One of my favourite ways to learn was to invest in some children’s French books with not too many words and lots of pictures. Just as a child learns English (or their first language), so you will pick up French.

Listen to French music. Even better buy a French CD with a lyric sheet, so you can follow the song. It may not seem like you are learning, but you will be taking it in.

French movies are fantastic. You can even watch your favourite English movies with French subtitles/dubbing.

You will soon find that if you do these things, along with following a course, you will come on in leaps and bounds.

Learning French can help you learn other languages like Spanish. Learning French can help you improve the interpersonal skills you bring to an international career in computer technology, pharmaceuticals or engineering.

Starting Your Day the Right Way

2008-03-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

The morning is the most important time of the day. Why? - Because it can easily set the mood for the rest of your day! - This is due to many reasons. One of the most significant is that it is much easier (scientifically, almost 25 times easier) to develop short term paradigms (viewpoints) upon first waking up. When you first awaken, your mind is slowly leaving the delta state, (low brain wave frequency) where it is most easily influenced by mental suggestion. In other words, your mind is most open – and what you put in it will stay in it, until at least the end of the day. It is for this reason that often, if you are awakened by a sound or a song, you may be able to easily recall it again and again throughout the day (even if it’s a song you cannot stand!).

That being said, it is absolutely critical that you start your day off on the “right side of the bed.” Any negative thoughts you have will shape your subconscious for the entire day. Realize, if you wake up and say “Sh*t… today’s gonna suck…”, then it will suck! - Your subconscious would be imbued with a belief that “today sucks” and would work with your mental filtering systems and all of your senses to perceive information accordingly. There’s a lot to it, but the point of this article is to give you a list of tips to start your day off the right way… so back on track.

We know you’re busy as #%$! In the morning and don’t have time for therapeutic, two hour spa sessions when you’re trying to get to work or class on time. Therefore, this list is as “grounded” as is possible, and you can start using it – Now.

Also, for the record, we DO use every single one of these ourselves.

1. Initial Wakeup

GET UP! FAST! When you wake up, get out of bed as fast as you can! (without sending yourself into cardiac arrest, of course.) Waste no time in getting up. The best cure for procrastination is action – so if you’re procrastinating about getting out of bed, just force yourself to get up! …and wallah! - Problem solved! Jumping out of bed will spike your metabolism, and will end all thoughts of “just lying there” a little bit more. As an added bonus, I put my alarm clock on the other side of the room – forcing me to jump out of bed and go turn it off… and once I’m out, I stay out!

2. Light

The power of light is severely underestimated by most people. How? It has profound effects upon body chemistry and energy levels. You circadian rhythm (based on light levels) affects nearly all aspects of your physiology. Over 200 processes are controlled by the level of and type of light that you receive, including heart rate, digestion, appetite and thirst, fluid balance, stress level, emotions, immunity, hunger, energy, blood pressure, body temperature, physical strength, reaction times, sexual appetite, urine production and brain balance – just to name a few. Bright, natural light is ideal for bringing the most energy to all these systems. The more light you receive, the more serotonin your pineal gland produces – a “feel good” neurotransmitter. The less light received, the more melatonin your pineal gland produces. Melatonin is essentially a depressant / sedative. This explains why humans living in Spain are some of the most upbeat, positive beings on the planet, where as residents in Norway or Russia are some of the most depressed. Your body makes melatonin at night, and makes serotonin during the day. So, the sooner you turn on the lights, or open the blinds preferably, the sooner your body’s systems will increase their energy levels. The longer you keep it dark, the harder it will be to wake up – that simple.

3. Wake Up to a Clean Room

This one may not seem that significant, but believe me – it is. Waking up to a clean, organized room has a positive first impression upon your mind. Waking up to clutter, dirty clothes, and piles of beer cans from the night before does not. This may seem like a bit of a feng shui thing, but give it a try, and you will realize – it does work. It’s easier to vacate a room when it’s clean, pristine, and relatively organized / empty, versus one that is piled high and more “cozy.” Keep your room stark… put things away from you’re done using them. It will help.

4. Fresh Air

Open the window. No matter what season it is. Open the window… even if it is just a crack. Your bedroom has sat stagnant all night, void of fresh air, especially if you leave your door closed as I do. When you open the window (and the door preferably) you create a cross draft to bring in fresh air. You have lowered the oxygen level by rebreathing the same air in the room at night. However, as soon as you open the window, you bring in fresh air with high oxygen levels – instantly raising your energy level. Even if it is 10 degrees out, open the window just a tad. When it’s cold out, it will have even more of an effect – the cool, denser air will carry more oxygen, and the temperature alone will help you to awaken.

5. Music
Music is a huge part of my morning. Even if you are not musically motivated, music can shape your mornings. Turn on music as soon as you can after waking up. Make sure it is something positive and uplifting – as chances are it may become stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Personally, I love pounding trance in the morning – it’s positive, uplifting chords and driving bass last with me all day. Make sure you’re listening to something that pulls you up… not down. The effect of music upon the brain is something we will discuss down the road – stay tuned. Also, if music is not available, any high frequency sound chords can work. Birds chirping, wind chimes, ect – all help awaken and sooth the mind.

6. Food

Start your morning off with a full glass of water before you eat anything else – This is essential. Toxins have been ejected from tissue and line your throat and mouth (thus, morning-breath) and the last thing you want to do is to allow them to adhere to your breakfast. Drink a full glass of water –and give it ten minutes. If you have an empty stomach, the toxins will be flushed down, and pass out with your urine, with no food to absorb them. Ten minutes later, you may eat your breakfast. The subject of a healthy breakfast is obviously a lengthy subject, but I’ll be brief – DO NOT SKIP BREAKFAST. They’re not lying when they say it’s the most important meal of the day. Your body has been starved for eight hours or more, and breakfast is crucial. Breakfast jumpstarts your metabolism, ends your body’s “hoarding mode” from the night, and will actually help you lose weight and stay lean if you chose the proper foods. Make sure you eat some fruit, some protein, and some carbs. My typical weekend breakfast consists of an orange and three scrambled eggs… very basic, but quite healthy. If you’re eating loads of sugary cereal, or worse, doughnuts for breakfast, you need to go do some basic research online on how to eat healthy. You could be lean and good looking, but lack energy, and your arteries may be 90% blocked – as a result of your diet.

7. Cold shower

Take a cold shower. Yes, freezing cold is unbearable. You don’t have to do it that way. Start it off hot… like me. Then, after you’re medium-toasty (not well-toasty... it will make you more tired), put it on cold for as long as you can take it. Then, put it on hot for a minute… then cold for a minute. Repeat the hot-cold cycle a few times – this will not only wake you up fast, but it will expand and contract your pores to force out toxins and oils from the night. End the shower with a cold rinse – you want to be cold when you step out… it’s critical, as it will raise your metabolism, and keep it there. Try the cold shower thing for a week – you’ll notice a difference. A long, hot shower depresses your physiological systems and makes you want to go back to bed. A cold, invigorating shower will wake you up – fast. Try it.

8. Make Your Bed

This doesn’t serve as much of a purpose for in the morning, as it does for in the evening. I’ll explain how it works from my situation. I wake up. I do my morning routine. I (in this example) do not make my bed. I leave. I work all day, and at the end of the day, I think of all the projects that I am going to work on when I get home. However, when I get home into my room, I suddenly feel tired… there’s something drawing me to my bed. The covers are thrown back – like a great, yawning mouth of gaping comfort… calling for me to dive in after a long day at work. So I do – I jump in, cover up, get all toasty, and sleep away half of my evening – only to go to bed again a few hours later. Leaving your bed unmade kills your motivation. Not only does it appear messy, which drains your energy in its own right, but it also invites you back in repeatedly, when you usually cannot afford to. So, make your bed. You’ll notice you get more things done in the evening.

9. Time Savers

There are several small, simple things you can do to save time in the morning. For one, if you check your computer in the morning (MySpace, Facebook, email, stocks, weather, ect), then try this. Rather than shutting down your computer at night, put it in standby. You will save a few minutes over turning it on, and it won’t use any more electricity. If it takes your computer four minutes to boot up, multiplied over a year, that is over 24 hours! An entire day you would save if you followed the routine everyday. Another rather obvious tip is to put all your “to-go” items in one spot. Put your phone, wallet (or purse), watch, rings, notepad, ID badge, car keys, ect; all on the same part of the counter, or in a bowl perhaps. It will save you time searching for everything. Additionally, whatever time you are waking up now, wake up ten minutes earlier. It makes a world of difference in the morning. If you can get over the “I could sleep for ten more minutes” thinking, you will reap amazing benefits. Ten minutes can take a lot of the edge off of your morning, allowing you to take your time as you go about your routine. It can save you money as well. I can tell you in my case that if I leave a few minutes early, rather than driving 80 MPH to make it to work on time, I can drive 65-70 MPH, which, due to exponential drag and air resistance, is optimum gas mileage speed for my car, and saves me a few bucks each week in gas.

10. Self-Talk

Self-Talk should be the most important part of any morning routine. In the morning, you need to load yourself with as much positive mental programming as possible. Your mind is most receptive to it in the morning (and at night), and it will shape the rest of your day. Your programming comes in many different forms, and it is our job to help you use it to your advantage. Mental programming is too much for this article… keep your eyes on us as we come out with new products to help you shape your mind exactly the way you want it – and help you live the life you deserve.

Speak Up, how Can You Communicate Effectively at Work

2008-03-04T06:31:00.001-08:00

In an open, trusting environment people seek clarification and replace assumptions with understanding.

Some people seem to have an innate ability to connect with others in a spontaneous way and others have to work at it. But we need adequate communication skills to survive in life. Without them, we’re at a disadvantage in many parts of our lives. We learn these skills from our parents, and later from teachers and friends. We usually have gaps in our knowledge about communication.

Communicating clearly sounds like a simple task. If it’s so easy, what holds us back? In successful interactions we understand others and what they’re saying, thinking and feeling. Then we can improve our relationships with each other and ultimately improve overall morale in the workplace.

Forewarned is forearmed. Knowing that workplaces are less than perfect climates, how can we find ways to work together respectfully? Being aware that most of us have gaps in our communication skills and that various personality types communicate differently puts us on warning that we need to educate ourselves in this area. If we approach our work situation with open eyes and some basic ‘tools’ we can communicate effectively with our co-workers. Here’s how: observe, listen (no, really listen) and respond. Yes, you’ve heard it before, but now it comes with a twist: honesty. That’s right, being honest with yourself and others.

Nicholas Boothman writes about four basic business personalities in How to Connect in Business. The types behave differently and require feedback that fits their uniqueness. The dreamers, or idea generators like space and options; the analysts make sure ideas work and need us to pay attention to detail; the persuaders know how to get ideas appreciated and like enthusiastic responses to suggestions; and lastly the controllers ensure that things get done and don’t like to waste time. So it’s no surprise that we need to pay close attention to how others relate to make the wheels turn in the workplace.

Another dimension of communication is our delivery, or expression. Expression is a mixture of speech, body language, intonation and eye contact. Boothman says the most effective way to connect with others is to look them in eye. He recommends that we do an exercise: for one day just notice the eye colour of every person you meet, that’s all. This will increase our rapport with others and our confidence in our own abilities. Another powerful tool for understanding how someone is feeling is to subtly mimic their body language. It’s quite surprising how well we then sense the other person’s feelings.

It takes effort to put aside our own ideas, and more importantly, our judgments. We often appear to be listening when we’re really not. Davis, Paleg and Fanning, authors of The Messages Workbook call this ‘pseudo listening’. We do this for various reasons including preparing our response, wanting to be liked and not knowing how to leave without offending someone.

Respectful communication means saying what you have to say directly to a person, not behind their back, and using tact and understanding. Be certain to state how you feel, not how you think they feel (use the tried and true “I message”). Offering solutions to the problem and readily acknowledging the truth in what they say creates a productive and healthy workplace.

Many people have written about the basics of clear, assertive communication. These involve giving our full attention to the person speaking, listening for the feelings behind the words as well as the content of what’s being said and acknowledging what you’ve heard. We can acknowledge what we’ve heard by paraphrasing (i.e. restating for clarification) and by giving honest feedback.

Complete messages have four parts: observations, opinions, feelings and needs. When receiving messages, practice asking yourself ‘what do I notice?’, ‘what’s my opinion’ etc. Leaving out some of the parts makes the communication only a partial message. This may lead to misunderstandings. Another common pitfall we may fall into by omitting parts of messages is sending covert messages, or messages with negative subtext underlying the spoken words. Try to catch yourself before you send covert messages that imply that the receiver is doing something wrong. An example of this would be ‘you work slower than a one-legged snail’ with the underlying message of ‘you’re too slow at your work’. When we include all the above parts the stated message will be congruent with our underlying feelings and opinions. The message will then align with our non-verbal communication which makes up 70-80% of our interactions (i.e. body language, intonation and eye signals).

The easiest way to communicate successfully is to keep it simple to avoid the common pitfalls. Pamela Ziemann, writing in “Speaking with Your Authentic Voice” has a formula for communicating successfully. She recommends truly listening without formulating your answer; pausing for 2-5 seconds to breathe; repeating the question; then responding honestly. She stresses the importance of not saying too much.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment”. Part of trusting ourselves is listening to our intuition, or “the power of knowing things without conscious reasoning” (Webster). We have all experienced positive and negative intuitive or gut feelings. These body-mind messages may come as hunches, thoughts, voices, restlessness or feelings of relief. Trusting rather than stifling them gives us more information to work with. This helps us communicate more clearly and to know when, where and to whom we should speak. It allows us to be more honest with ourselves and others.

Balancing our own needs with the demands of our jobs means communicating respectfully and honestly and creating psychological safety for ourselves in our work environment. When we speak and act from our core values we enrich our own lives and those of everyone we come in contact with. So go ahead, Speak Up!

TIPS:
• Think carefully about what you’re saying and why
• Self disclose only if comfortable
• Repeat questions, giving yourself time to identify your feelings
• Check others’ statements twice to get a truer response
• Follow your intuition
• Ask yourself: How does my workplace fit my values?
• Have some fun at work.

Public Speaking - 9 Tips to Ensure That You Are Original

2008-02-27T08:34:00.000-08:00

When you come to the point of having to prepare a speech or presentation it can seem an incredibly daunting task. Clearly it is of upmost importance to prepare correctly and give the correct structure to your speech. Every good speech needs an opening that will grab everyone's attention and make them sit up and listen. It must flow beautifully, so that you carry the audience along with you. And it should have an effective close to ensure that they each take away something truly meaningful. But to be a genuinely effective public speaker your talk must be original!

When you make a speech you really should be talking about a subject in which you are interested and that you understand. That way your knowledge and enthusiasm will shine through. But sadly it's so easy to take short-cuts and to be lazy!

It's amazing how many people will take what they believe to be the easy route and "borrow" someone else's material. In fact there are books out there dedicated to providing speeches, such as those for the best man at a wedding. In some respects there's nothing wrong with those books but the speeches should only really be used as a guide to the structure that your own speech might take.

Similarly you can get hold of books full of anecdotes. These tales are fine but you should use them sparingly to get the best effect. A speech full of other people's anecdotes is not going to be a very good one. You may think using someone else's work will make you into a successful speaker, but the way to come across as someone who is truly confident and convincing is to be original.

Doing so is actually very easy and will probably be far more effective than spending hours searching for something someone else has written that is suitable for you. It can also make the whole process of planning, preparing and then making your speech much more enjoyable and fulfilling.

So here are some ideas for being original:

1) Think about what you want to talk about and then name your topic specifically. That will help you to focus on the subject concerned.

2) Write down everything you can think of that you currently know about it. Grab plenty of paper and simply put down everything that comes to mind, with no editing at this stage. You can sort it later.

3) Identify where there are gaps in your knowledge and then set about doing some research. There are masses of resources at your disposal to help you to gather information. Books, magazines, newspapers, videos and DVDs will all provide you with a source of useful data. And, of course, surfing the web will open up boundless new opportunities for adding to your knowledge of your topic.

4) Then systematically sort through what you have written and identify the key ideas. Then put them into a logical sequence.

5) For each idea create a key point. Do a little editing and discard anything that you consider not to be totally relevant.

6) Work around each point adding in additional elements including statistics, illustrations and maybe one or two of those anecdotes. Give interest and value to each part.

7) Remember to create an opening for the speech relating to the topic. You need to grab your audience's attention so a startling fact or a pertinent question is a good way to begin.

8) Equally, you need to end your speech effectively. So devise the close now so that you end with a call to action or a challenge for your audience to take away.

9) Then use the key points you identified to ensure you have a speech that flows and will hold your audience's attention, carrying them from the opening to the close.

Talking about what you know in your own words will always be far more rewarding and will be a real boost to your confidence. It will enable you to present yourself as a knowledgeable and convincing speaker. And it will ensure that anyone in attendance will find your talk an enjoyable and beneficial experience.

So go on, be original!

What is Inspiration? How Can Speaking Inspire?

2008-02-20T08:30:00.000-08:00

The word inspire can be defined literally as breathe in. A secondary definition means a stimulation of the intellect or emotions. Inspiration in the latter sense could result in action of some sort. We would normally think of the creation of a work of art or a solution to a problem in this sense.

So if you can breath, you can create inspirational words and thoughts that can move others.

To create an inspirational speech, use timely topics along with things close to peoples hearts. This formula has helped me be successful both in my speaking and in creating my art. Can it work for you?

Two elements needed to inspire in a speech. Use these and your speeches will be inspirational.

Our life force is sustained by inspiration

What’s interesting about the use is the history of the word inspiration. The ancient Hebrew and Greek words for spirit were the root word that meant breath. In other words, our spirit or life is sustained by breathing or inspiration.

In the same sense, the ideas and motivations stimulated within the intellect can be in a sense breathed in, we inspire them. They are a by product resulting from our life force.

Speech has the power to accomplish this stimulation of both intellect and emotions. Used wisely and judiciously, it is a powerful tool to accomplish much good.

It is in this broad definition that the greatest potential for our speech lies. The ability to ethically stimulate the intellect and emotions to bring about positive changes in the way we think. This is a process where we in part use speech to re-write the programming in our brain or the grey matter of our listeners.

Conversaton Starters can be used to get a conversation with one or a group. You can use these to inspire your listeners. Here is an example you can use to prime your audience for further inspiration.

A Smile is communication with out speech.

It is also a primary form of inspiration. What happens when you smile at someone. They often will smile back. Why? That is the power of showing your pearley whites as a form of communication.

To appreciate the importance of smiling and how it can affect you and your audience, read more about the benefits of sharing a beautiful smile. Did you know there are different kinds of smiles?