Improving Communication Skills

Be a Good Influence

Attitude

You can change the direction of a communication if you change your attitude. There is no one attitude that's the 'right' one to have, though being direct and clear certainly helps.

Effective Listening and Responding

You can have tremendous influence on a communication as the listener and the responder. When we get little or no response from the listener, we often project our assumptions onto them about what they are thinking (and usually we assume they aren't thinking good things about us!).

Be Positive

Use affirmation and encouragement to get the best out of people. Notice when others do things well (even if it's part of their daily routine). This shows you're being attentive; most people respond well when they know that others are aware of what they do.

Quite simply, the workplace can be a far better place to be if you consciously sprinkle your communication with positive feedback.

The Importance of Basic Communication Skills

What's most important is that you don't leave the business of communication to chance. Raise your awareness, develop your skills and you'll be a role model for effective communication.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict

One of the purposes of conflict is to arrive at a resolution, so if you avoid conflict, the problem usually (though not always) gets worse. The earlier you can identify that there is a problem and intervene, the better it will be. Good communication skills require you to be able to resolve conflict.

Agreement

Find something (anything will do) in the other person's argument which you can genuinely agree with. This is a great way to take the wind out of someone's sails and ensure you don't get drawn into an insoluble argument. People usually won't listen until they feel heard.

Bridge Building

Really listen to what the other person is saying - they usually give a lot of information without realising it. Building bridges by making an offer can help enormously, as can changing what you want.

'I' not 'You'

Use 'I' statements, not 'You' statements to avoid blaming. This also means that you take responsibility for how you feel, rather than making the other person responsible for making things all right for you.

What can get in the way of Effective Communication

Here are some Common Barriers to Effective Communication.

We all make Too Many Assumptions

Be aware of the assumptions you make, especially making something up and then acting as though what you made up was true. Notice if you alter your behaviour with certain people because of the assumptions you make about them. Also be aware of the assumptions you think other people make about you.

Assumptions aren't necessarily 'bad'. Sometimes it's important to let people keep their assumptions (or some of them at least!) about you.

One effective way to deal with assumptions is to say to the other person, 'I've assumed such and such. 'Is that true?' or 'I'm making an assumption here about... Do you agree?'

Good communication in the workplace is often sabotaged by too many unconfirmed assumptions.

Patterns/Reverting to Type

We are pattern-making beings, which is good. However, sometimes we get so used to behaving and responding in certain ways that it's hard to see that there's any other way of doing things. When the pressure is on or we are under stress, even our best intentions may go out the window as we revert to type.

Habits, patterns, routine ways of thinking and behaving are difficult to change. Noticing your patterns at least gets you aware of them! One way to practise this is to see how many communication habits and patterns have crept into your workplace. Try not to judge them. You can always decide if you want to change them or not.

Needing to Be Right

This is one area we all know about - the need to be right and in turn for the other person to be wrong. One skill that does need practise is to let go of needing to be right. Think of it as presenting information or a point of view rather than having to bludgeon someone else with your arguments.

If you want to promote effective relationships, this is one of the greatest communication key skills you can have is to be able to change what you want from a communication. You may have started out wanting the other person to agree with you, but by giving that up you can change your want to letting them know you understand their point of view.

How Communication Happens

Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication

Interpersonal skills. Everything communicates. Remember! If you aren't clear about what you mean and what your intention is, the other person (or people) could easily (and sometimes deliberately), misinterpret what you mean.

What you do matters as much as what you say. It's now accepted that the words account for only 7-11% of a communication. Your behaviour will 'read' unconsciously to other people and you can certainly be more in charge of the reading matter!

Language is one of the most powerful reflections of how we think and feel about ourselves and others. You need to be aware of the padding, justifications and excuses you use and whether they are appropriate.

You can make a big impact simply by changing some of your language and developing your verbal skills, This way you can significantly improve your communication skills.

Communication Cycle

There is a neat communication cycle we've come across that can help you understand how to make communication work better. It means that you can take responsibility for every stage on the Communication Cycle:

Spoken - Heard - Understood - Agreed To - Acted On - Implemented.

Be aware of where you or others tend to fall off the cycle.

Communication is Individual

No Two People Are The Same

When you take a look at good communication, better presentation skills is not all there is to it. Far from it. Its an obvious given that everyone communicates differently and we all see the world differently to others. Therefore the greatest skill you can develop in order to quickly and significantly improve the way you communicate is to understand the other person's point view. If you can understand how they see the world, then you can very simply adjust your own communication to take into account their view of things.

Changing Yourself in Order to Change Other People

Another thing we can take as a given is the knowledge that there is only one person you can be sure of changing in any communication - and that is you. Therefore, the best use of your efforts to achieve better communication and most effective way to stay in charge of what happens to your communication dynamic is to change what you do. The moment you start to master this simple skill you will be well on the way to improving your communication and developing better relationships.

There is Only One of You

There is no one right way to communicate. Authentic and effective communication only really happens when we use the things we know are true about ourselves. For all of us our personal style will say more for and about us that all the words we can use.

What's Working Already?

It is an instinctive reaction when faced with assessing our ability to communicate, to start with what's wrong with ourselves and other people first. How about putting the focus on what already works? For anyone who has got as far as wanting to improve the way they communicate - something (many things actually) has got to be working well for you already!

Knowing Your Personality Type

What does the word "personality" really mean? Well, the answer is quite simple. Every person is born with a certain kind of personality trait and that is why each one of us is different in the way we think, behave, feel or desire. Personality is therefore the basic human nature of an individual. It is because of our inherit personalities that we do certain things in a certain way. Listed below are some personality traits and most of us are sure to find ourselves under some personality type.

Irrational personality: People with these personalities are mostly work-olics, but find it hard to entrust work to others. They are rigid about morals and principles and consider leisure activities a waste of time. They love doing the right think at the right time and consider themselves a perfectionist. The optimistic side of this personality type is that they are over achievers and the pessimistic side is that these personalities are prone to physical ailments, are easily stressed out and generally have a disturbed family life.

Introvert personality: These personality types are normally loners and fear criticism. They are unable to make friends because they feel that others will ridicule them. These personality types do not feel relaxed when others are around and hence are unable to handle jobs or take up activities that include interacting with others. The positive traits of this personality type is that they are good at doing individual tasks while the negative traits are that they are unable to handle jobs that include interacting with others and are therefore are socially secluded.

Reliant personality: This personality types are people who are dependent on other people to make vital decisions in their life as they are unable to be assertive or deal with changes in life. People with this kind of personality try hard to please people and 'agree' even when they wish to 'disagree' because they fear that the other might desert them. The good qualities of this personality type are that these people are able to maintain relationships because they are the ones who usually give in while the negative traits are that these types are unable to be assertive or deal with others.

Egotistic Personality: This personality types are jealous of others abilities. They are mostly preoccupied with themselves and love flattering themselves in front of the mirror. They consider themselves superior to others and would try to take advantage of anyone who can execute their requirements. The constructive side of this personality type is that they usually impress people with their conversations while their unconstructive side is that they do not look beyond themselves or appreciate others.

Sentimental personality: This personality types usually over react to situations and are over apprehensive about their physical attractiveness. They always want people around them but also feel uncomfortable if they are not the centre of attraction. The positive traits of this personality type are that they are good in media while the negative trait is that they have difficulty in relationships.

Normal personality: This personality types is the most common type of personality found and are the ones who operate on impulses and land in a mess. They are terrified of being alone and sometimes start feeling worthless and misplaced in life. These personalities can sometimes surprise you because they are so different at different times that you don't know what to expect of them. The good qualities of this personality type are that they are very artistic and passionate people while the not so good qualities include their impulsiveness and anxiety about tending relationships.

By understanding your personality type you learn about your strength's and weaknesses. This helps in promoting self growth as you can try to change your negative traits into positive ones and use your positive qualities to your advantage to make your life much happier and fulfilled.

How to Believe in Yourself

"It is the decisions you make, when you have no time to make them, that define who you are"

Believing in yourself is one of the first steps to success. If you don't have confidence in yourself, it will be difficult to succeed in anything.

Steps to follow

1. Learn how to make decisions based on your experiences that you believe.If you don't have your own thinking, you can never be successful.
2. Set goals. When you set goals, you have control.
3. Recognize when you achieve your goals, so that you will build your confidence.
4. Consider reasons you fail. Everyone fails to achieve some goal, but if you learn from the failure, you will be more likely to succeed.
5. Use realistic expectations to judge your success. Do not expect to run a four minute mile, until you have trained and conditioned for running.
6. Listen to critics, but never let them convince you that you are less than you are. Some critics will tear you down to make themselves look bigger and better, while others will offer critical advice to help you make changes to improve yourself.
7. Give your time and energy to others. When you do this, you will get positive feed back and get respect from others. These are building blocks for self respect, which is essential to believing in yourself.
8. Believe in yourself, you will do your best.

Tips

• Don't let people knock you down. If anything, let them get knocked down to prove you can be better.
• If someone says you can't do anything, dont believe them, because it could lead to a critical matter.
• If a boy/girl trys to tell you that you are a bad person, that is them hiding they are the bad person.
• Try to get a pack of toy soldiers and a bb gun and imagine your bad points are the toys and shoot as many down as possible. This can help your self esteem/confidence.

Warnings

• Get to know yourself before you believe in yourself. Know what works best for you.
• Also get to know your personality that is the most important thing to do if you want to believe in yourself.

A HATER

by Maya Angelou


A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends
all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share
your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't
handle seeing you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God
wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the
fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parent being in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.

Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are (VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life:
Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters,
'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me....'

Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know
are not hating on you including the person who sent it to
you. If you don't get it back, maybe you called somebody
out! Don't worry about it, it's not your problem,
it's theirs.. Just pray for them, that their life can be as
fulfilled as yours! Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't
become a HATER!

12 Rules for Self-Management

1. Live by your values, whatever they are. You confuse people when you don’t, because they can’t predict how you’ll behave.

2. Speak up! No one can “hear” what you’re thinking without you be willing to stand up for it. Mind-reading is something most people can’t do.

3. Honor your own good word, and keep the promises you make. If not, people eventually stop believing most of what you say, and your words will no longer work for you.

4. When you ask for more responsibility, expect to be held fully accountable. This is what seizing ownership of something is all about; it’s usually an all or nothing kind of thing, and so you’ve got to treat it that way.

5. Don’t expect people to trust you if you aren’t willing to be trustworthy for them first and foremost. Trust is an outcome of fulfilled expectations.

6. Be more productive by creating good habits and rejecting bad ones. Good habits corral your energies into a momentum-building rhythm for you; bad habits sap your energies and drain you.

7. Have a good work ethic, for it seems to be getting rare today. Curious, for those “old-fashioned” values like dependability, timeliness, professionalism and diligence are prized more than ever before. Be action-oriented. Seek to make things work. Be willing to do what it takes.

8. Be interesting. Read voraciously, and listen to learn, then teach and share everything you know. No one owes you their attention; you have to earn it and keep attracting it.

9. Be nice. Be courteous, polite and respectful. Be considerate. Manners still count for an awful lot in life, and thank goodness they do.

10. Be self-disciplined. That’s what adults are supposed to “grow up” to be.

11. Don’t be a victim or a martyr. You always have a choice, so don’t shy from it: Choose and choose without regret. Look forward and be enthusiastic.

12. Keep healthy and take care of yourself. Exercise your mind, body and spirit so you can be someone people count on, and so you can live expansively and with abundance.