How to Believe In Yourself - A Four-Step Plan

Written by Noah St. John

Believe in yourself. You've heard that the secret to success is to "believe in yourself." But have you ever noticed that no one ever tells you HOW to believe in yourself?

Today, more and more people believe in themselves less and less. That's because we've lost so much (money, wealth, prestige) in recent years. Loss leads to lack of self-belief, which leads to more loss, which leads to even lower self-belief.

The four main reasons people don't believe in themselves are:

1. Lack of accurate mirroring
2. Lack of positive experience
3. Lack of self-confidence
4. Lack of empowering daily habits

You can believe in yourself starting today by following these four proven steps:

1. Find a Loving Mirror.

A Loving Mirror is a person who believes in you, even when you don't believe in yourself. The Naturals of Success each had at least one person who showed them their potential, even when they didn't believe it themselves.

You can find Loving Mirrors in your own family, your friends or even work associates. Start by acknowledging the good you see in others, then ask for the support you need.

2. Transfer your experience.

If you've never done something, how are you supposed to believe you can do it? The first time you do something is, by definition, something you haven't done before. Yet, most people don't realize you can believe you can do something before you ever do it.

Let's say you're about to appear on TV for the first time. Remember when you succeeded at other things, like driving a car or landing your first job. You'll start to realize you've got more experience than you think.

3. Build your self-confidence muscles.

It's true: some people are born with more innate self-confidence than others. But even if you weren't lucky enough to have been born with natural self-confidence, just like a muscle, you can build your confidence by working on it.

What builds self-confidence? Use Afformations like "Why am I so confident? Why do I believe in myself? Why do I trust my intuition?" because these empowering questions focus your mind on why you are, in fact, confident.

4. Install empowering habits.

We each perform a number of habits every day. Most are unconscious, many are disempowering. When you exchange your disempowering habits of thought and behavior to empowering ones, and your self-belief will naturally increase.

The irony is that if you look up the word "self-belief" in the dictionary, it's not there yet. That's because I had to create that term to describe the level of belief a person has in themselves. Self-belief is different from the misleading "self-esteem" or even "self-confidence", which itself is a subset of self-belief.

Because positive self-belief leads to positive actions, which lead to positive results, which lead to even higher self-belief, building positive self-belief is critical to living a life of more wealth and happiness.

Once you break the code of having unstoppable self-belief, you can turn the tide and make the changes you really want in your life faster, easier and with far less effort.

Work as Play

‘We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.’ - George Bernard Shaw

Written by Leo Babauta.

For too many people, work is drudgery.

They dread going to work each day, procrastinate on doing tasks they’d really rather not do, and generally aren’t excited about doing tasks and projects assigned to them by someone else.

The problem is that they’ve found work to be boring, hard, repetitive, stressful. What they need to discover (or rediscover in some cases) is the concept of work as play.

It’s something that has changed my life, and the lives of many others like me.

Work doesn’t have to be boring — it can be exciting, something you look forward to, an outlet for your creativity and imagination. It can be play.

One of the problems is that for many of us, school was designed to prepare us for the working world, and as such it was designed to teach us to work in ways that are boring. It’s like eating your spinach (which I actually love as an adult) — you do it because it’s good for you. We did our homework and seatwork and drills because they were good for us.

Well, the fun of learning and doing was drilled right out of us. And as adults, we were told we had to work hard to get ahead, that work wasn’t fun but that’s just how life is.

Bullshit.

Life is what you make of it. It can be drudgery, or it can be play. Or something else entirely.

I’ve discovered the concept of work as play, mostly because I’ve become my own boss, and can pick what I want to work on, and set my own schedule. As a result, I work on things that excite me, that I’m passionate about, and it’s fun. If something is drudgery, I either drop it or find a way to make it play.

As a result, I work harder than ever, but it’s exciting and fun. I pour myself into my work, and can’t wait to do it.

Turning work into play doesn’t mean you don’t work hard, or that you never do boring tasks. If you’ve ever played a sport, you know that you work as hard as anyone when you’re playing or practicing — but that’s no problem, because you’re having a blast doing it.

Learning is the same way — it can be boring and soul-crushingly repetitive, or it can be interesting and joyful and consume all our free time. I know when I become absorbed with learning about something, I can get caught up in it for days and learn vast amounts of information and skills, without once thinking it’s hard or boring. That almost never happened when I was at school, because they made it work, and I wasn’t in control of what I learned.

So there are a few elements that can help turn work into play:

* Freedom. If you set your own schedule and are able to work on or learn about what you’re interested in and excited about, it can be play. If someone else tells you what to do and when, you won’t be as excited or interested or motivated.
* Excitement. Again, follow your passions. Don’t be restrained. If something isn’t interesting, move on to something that is. Don’t force things.
* Playing with others. While I like to play with myself, playing with others can be so much more fun sometimes. And yes, I know that sounds dirty. Read it as you like.
* Pour yourself into it. You can skip from one thing to another, and that’s fine, but you might never accomplish anything that way. I find that when I get excited and really pour myself into a project, I can accomplish a lot and have a ton of fun doing it.
* Showing off. One of the reasons boys like sports so much is because they get to show off for girls (and at a younger age, for their mothers). There’s nothing wrong with this — I think we’re hardwired to want to look good in front of our peers (or the opposite sex). When you’re going to make something public, it’s exciting and fun (see how I’m doing my new book project, for example).

There are other elements of play, but these are enough to get you started. Some further thoughts:

* Coaches. Are you drilling skills into your players? Stop! You’re teaching a game, so teach it by letting them play games. Let them play, but structure the play so it’s not only fun, but instructive.
* Teachers and parents. Are you drilling knowledge and skills into your students or children? Stop! Learning should be fun, and it really is when the child is allowed to have fun, to play, to explore, to create as he wishes, to learn about whatever he’s interested in at the moment. Don’t make it unfun. See the concept of unschooling for more.
* Bosses. Are you forcing your employees to do drudgery type work? Do you control everything they do and when they do it? Stop! Give them freedom! Give them control over their work. Allow them to pursue things they’re interested in. Google’s 20% policy is just one example. When people can pursue things they’re excited about, when they can turn work into play, amazing things happen.
* Employees. Is your work drudgery? Turn it into play! If you are stuck in a job where you absolutely cannot turn work into play, look elsewhere. There’s more out there.

I can’t stress the importance of work as play enough. It has turned my life into something joyful, it’s allowed me to create and accomplish so much more than ever before, and I love every minute of it. I wish you nothing less than this simple happiness.

Improving Communication Skills

Be a Good Influence

Attitude

You can change the direction of a communication if you change your attitude. There is no one attitude that's the 'right' one to have, though being direct and clear certainly helps.

Effective Listening and Responding

You can have tremendous influence on a communication as the listener and the responder. When we get little or no response from the listener, we often project our assumptions onto them about what they are thinking (and usually we assume they aren't thinking good things about us!).

Be Positive

Use affirmation and encouragement to get the best out of people. Notice when others do things well (even if it's part of their daily routine). This shows you're being attentive; most people respond well when they know that others are aware of what they do.

Quite simply, the workplace can be a far better place to be if you consciously sprinkle your communication with positive feedback.

The Importance of Basic Communication Skills

What's most important is that you don't leave the business of communication to chance. Raise your awareness, develop your skills and you'll be a role model for effective communication.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict

One of the purposes of conflict is to arrive at a resolution, so if you avoid conflict, the problem usually (though not always) gets worse. The earlier you can identify that there is a problem and intervene, the better it will be. Good communication skills require you to be able to resolve conflict.

Agreement

Find something (anything will do) in the other person's argument which you can genuinely agree with. This is a great way to take the wind out of someone's sails and ensure you don't get drawn into an insoluble argument. People usually won't listen until they feel heard.

Bridge Building

Really listen to what the other person is saying - they usually give a lot of information without realising it. Building bridges by making an offer can help enormously, as can changing what you want.

'I' not 'You'

Use 'I' statements, not 'You' statements to avoid blaming. This also means that you take responsibility for how you feel, rather than making the other person responsible for making things all right for you.

What can get in the way of Effective Communication

Here are some Common Barriers to Effective Communication.

We all make Too Many Assumptions

Be aware of the assumptions you make, especially making something up and then acting as though what you made up was true. Notice if you alter your behaviour with certain people because of the assumptions you make about them. Also be aware of the assumptions you think other people make about you.

Assumptions aren't necessarily 'bad'. Sometimes it's important to let people keep their assumptions (or some of them at least!) about you.

One effective way to deal with assumptions is to say to the other person, 'I've assumed such and such. 'Is that true?' or 'I'm making an assumption here about... Do you agree?'

Good communication in the workplace is often sabotaged by too many unconfirmed assumptions.

Patterns/Reverting to Type

We are pattern-making beings, which is good. However, sometimes we get so used to behaving and responding in certain ways that it's hard to see that there's any other way of doing things. When the pressure is on or we are under stress, even our best intentions may go out the window as we revert to type.

Habits, patterns, routine ways of thinking and behaving are difficult to change. Noticing your patterns at least gets you aware of them! One way to practise this is to see how many communication habits and patterns have crept into your workplace. Try not to judge them. You can always decide if you want to change them or not.

Needing to Be Right

This is one area we all know about - the need to be right and in turn for the other person to be wrong. One skill that does need practise is to let go of needing to be right. Think of it as presenting information or a point of view rather than having to bludgeon someone else with your arguments.

If you want to promote effective relationships, this is one of the greatest communication key skills you can have is to be able to change what you want from a communication. You may have started out wanting the other person to agree with you, but by giving that up you can change your want to letting them know you understand their point of view.

How Communication Happens

Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication

Interpersonal skills. Everything communicates. Remember! If you aren't clear about what you mean and what your intention is, the other person (or people) could easily (and sometimes deliberately), misinterpret what you mean.

What you do matters as much as what you say. It's now accepted that the words account for only 7-11% of a communication. Your behaviour will 'read' unconsciously to other people and you can certainly be more in charge of the reading matter!

Language is one of the most powerful reflections of how we think and feel about ourselves and others. You need to be aware of the padding, justifications and excuses you use and whether they are appropriate.

You can make a big impact simply by changing some of your language and developing your verbal skills, This way you can significantly improve your communication skills.

Communication Cycle

There is a neat communication cycle we've come across that can help you understand how to make communication work better. It means that you can take responsibility for every stage on the Communication Cycle:

Spoken - Heard - Understood - Agreed To - Acted On - Implemented.

Be aware of where you or others tend to fall off the cycle.

Communication is Individual

No Two People Are The Same

When you take a look at good communication, better presentation skills is not all there is to it. Far from it. Its an obvious given that everyone communicates differently and we all see the world differently to others. Therefore the greatest skill you can develop in order to quickly and significantly improve the way you communicate is to understand the other person's point view. If you can understand how they see the world, then you can very simply adjust your own communication to take into account their view of things.

Changing Yourself in Order to Change Other People

Another thing we can take as a given is the knowledge that there is only one person you can be sure of changing in any communication - and that is you. Therefore, the best use of your efforts to achieve better communication and most effective way to stay in charge of what happens to your communication dynamic is to change what you do. The moment you start to master this simple skill you will be well on the way to improving your communication and developing better relationships.

There is Only One of You

There is no one right way to communicate. Authentic and effective communication only really happens when we use the things we know are true about ourselves. For all of us our personal style will say more for and about us that all the words we can use.

What's Working Already?

It is an instinctive reaction when faced with assessing our ability to communicate, to start with what's wrong with ourselves and other people first. How about putting the focus on what already works? For anyone who has got as far as wanting to improve the way they communicate - something (many things actually) has got to be working well for you already!

Knowing Your Personality Type

What does the word "personality" really mean? Well, the answer is quite simple. Every person is born with a certain kind of personality trait and that is why each one of us is different in the way we think, behave, feel or desire. Personality is therefore the basic human nature of an individual. It is because of our inherit personalities that we do certain things in a certain way. Listed below are some personality traits and most of us are sure to find ourselves under some personality type.

Irrational personality: People with these personalities are mostly work-olics, but find it hard to entrust work to others. They are rigid about morals and principles and consider leisure activities a waste of time. They love doing the right think at the right time and consider themselves a perfectionist. The optimistic side of this personality type is that they are over achievers and the pessimistic side is that these personalities are prone to physical ailments, are easily stressed out and generally have a disturbed family life.

Introvert personality: These personality types are normally loners and fear criticism. They are unable to make friends because they feel that others will ridicule them. These personality types do not feel relaxed when others are around and hence are unable to handle jobs or take up activities that include interacting with others. The positive traits of this personality type is that they are good at doing individual tasks while the negative traits are that they are unable to handle jobs that include interacting with others and are therefore are socially secluded.

Reliant personality: This personality types are people who are dependent on other people to make vital decisions in their life as they are unable to be assertive or deal with changes in life. People with this kind of personality try hard to please people and 'agree' even when they wish to 'disagree' because they fear that the other might desert them. The good qualities of this personality type are that these people are able to maintain relationships because they are the ones who usually give in while the negative traits are that these types are unable to be assertive or deal with others.

Egotistic Personality: This personality types are jealous of others abilities. They are mostly preoccupied with themselves and love flattering themselves in front of the mirror. They consider themselves superior to others and would try to take advantage of anyone who can execute their requirements. The constructive side of this personality type is that they usually impress people with their conversations while their unconstructive side is that they do not look beyond themselves or appreciate others.

Sentimental personality: This personality types usually over react to situations and are over apprehensive about their physical attractiveness. They always want people around them but also feel uncomfortable if they are not the centre of attraction. The positive traits of this personality type are that they are good in media while the negative trait is that they have difficulty in relationships.

Normal personality: This personality types is the most common type of personality found and are the ones who operate on impulses and land in a mess. They are terrified of being alone and sometimes start feeling worthless and misplaced in life. These personalities can sometimes surprise you because they are so different at different times that you don't know what to expect of them. The good qualities of this personality type are that they are very artistic and passionate people while the not so good qualities include their impulsiveness and anxiety about tending relationships.

By understanding your personality type you learn about your strength's and weaknesses. This helps in promoting self growth as you can try to change your negative traits into positive ones and use your positive qualities to your advantage to make your life much happier and fulfilled.

How to Believe in Yourself

"It is the decisions you make, when you have no time to make them, that define who you are"

Believing in yourself is one of the first steps to success. If you don't have confidence in yourself, it will be difficult to succeed in anything.

Steps to follow

1. Learn how to make decisions based on your experiences that you believe.If you don't have your own thinking, you can never be successful.
2. Set goals. When you set goals, you have control.
3. Recognize when you achieve your goals, so that you will build your confidence.
4. Consider reasons you fail. Everyone fails to achieve some goal, but if you learn from the failure, you will be more likely to succeed.
5. Use realistic expectations to judge your success. Do not expect to run a four minute mile, until you have trained and conditioned for running.
6. Listen to critics, but never let them convince you that you are less than you are. Some critics will tear you down to make themselves look bigger and better, while others will offer critical advice to help you make changes to improve yourself.
7. Give your time and energy to others. When you do this, you will get positive feed back and get respect from others. These are building blocks for self respect, which is essential to believing in yourself.
8. Believe in yourself, you will do your best.

Tips

• Don't let people knock you down. If anything, let them get knocked down to prove you can be better.
• If someone says you can't do anything, dont believe them, because it could lead to a critical matter.
• If a boy/girl trys to tell you that you are a bad person, that is them hiding they are the bad person.
• Try to get a pack of toy soldiers and a bb gun and imagine your bad points are the toys and shoot as many down as possible. This can help your self esteem/confidence.

Warnings

• Get to know yourself before you believe in yourself. Know what works best for you.
• Also get to know your personality that is the most important thing to do if you want to believe in yourself.

A HATER

by Maya Angelou


A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends
all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share
your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't
handle seeing you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God
wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the
fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parent being in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.

Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are (VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life:
Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters,
'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me....'

Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know
are not hating on you including the person who sent it to
you. If you don't get it back, maybe you called somebody
out! Don't worry about it, it's not your problem,
it's theirs.. Just pray for them, that their life can be as
fulfilled as yours! Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't
become a HATER!

12 Rules for Self-Management

1. Live by your values, whatever they are. You confuse people when you don’t, because they can’t predict how you’ll behave.

2. Speak up! No one can “hear” what you’re thinking without you be willing to stand up for it. Mind-reading is something most people can’t do.

3. Honor your own good word, and keep the promises you make. If not, people eventually stop believing most of what you say, and your words will no longer work for you.

4. When you ask for more responsibility, expect to be held fully accountable. This is what seizing ownership of something is all about; it’s usually an all or nothing kind of thing, and so you’ve got to treat it that way.

5. Don’t expect people to trust you if you aren’t willing to be trustworthy for them first and foremost. Trust is an outcome of fulfilled expectations.

6. Be more productive by creating good habits and rejecting bad ones. Good habits corral your energies into a momentum-building rhythm for you; bad habits sap your energies and drain you.

7. Have a good work ethic, for it seems to be getting rare today. Curious, for those “old-fashioned” values like dependability, timeliness, professionalism and diligence are prized more than ever before. Be action-oriented. Seek to make things work. Be willing to do what it takes.

8. Be interesting. Read voraciously, and listen to learn, then teach and share everything you know. No one owes you their attention; you have to earn it and keep attracting it.

9. Be nice. Be courteous, polite and respectful. Be considerate. Manners still count for an awful lot in life, and thank goodness they do.

10. Be self-disciplined. That’s what adults are supposed to “grow up” to be.

11. Don’t be a victim or a martyr. You always have a choice, so don’t shy from it: Choose and choose without regret. Look forward and be enthusiastic.

12. Keep healthy and take care of yourself. Exercise your mind, body and spirit so you can be someone people count on, and so you can live expansively and with abundance.

Self hypnosis

To hypnotize yourself, is it possible??
Yes, definitely, though it can sound complicated or not possible to those who have never tried.

And... dare I? What if I get stuck in some peculiar condition?
Easy now.. keep calm :-) - it won't happen!

As a matter of fact, all hypnosis is really self hypnosis. Even if it's a therapist who talks and leads you, it is still you who accomplishes the hypnotic condition. A person who has been led by a live therapist or a CD/tape can with the knowledge do it themselves by just using their own mind. Read more about hypnosis below...
About Hypnosis
What is Hypnosis?
A well formulated definition of hypnosis is:
"A state of concurrent relaxation and concentration with an increased consciousness evoked from suggestions"

Your concentration is in focus
- inwards (thoughts, inner ideas or pictures, or both); or
- outwards (a task, a book a movie and so on).
Focus gets so narrowed that other stimuli in the environment are ignored or temporarily barred from your consciousness.

Examples of everyday states of trance are; daydreaming, crosswords, absorption when reading a book, watching a movie etc. Some forms of meditation can also be considered trance-like.

As a matter of fact, hypnosis is completely normal, non-magical and with predictable consequences. It's totally out of the question for a person to be mastered, manipulated or put in a trance against his/her will.

Is Hypnosis sleeping?
A hypnotized person does not sleep, on the contrary she can be more aware of what is happening in the world around her than in a normal state of mind, as the senses usually work better.
But - and this is the important thing - as long as everything is normal and commonplace around her, she doesn't care about the surrounding world, she simply does not have the energy to care about it.

No, trance is not sleep, but some people get so relaxed they might fall asleep if they are already tired.
This is no problem though, because some parts of consciousness keep listening to the therapist's voice.
Even in a state of trance a sleeping client can follow instructions like moving a finger, take deep breath or wake up when they are told to.

Can I be tricked with hypnosis?
Nobody can ever be persuades against her/his own will and anyone of normal intelligence and ability to concentrate are able to learn the hypnotic condition (this means that seriously mentally disabled, very young children and persons affected by drugs cannot be included in this category).

It is not unusual to hear someone say: "Nobody can force me to sleep ", or "I would not want anybody else to control me", or "What if I say things I don't want anybody else to hear".
Statements like this just show a fundamental misunderstanding of what hypnosis really is. In other words, there is no risk you will say anything you don't want to - your integrity is not compromised.

How does hypnosis feel?
You will not feel "hypnotized" (whatever that might be). You will learn a sense of relaxation and mental stability. Hypnosis is just incomparable for relaxation.
Does hypnosis make me helpless?
During the trance you are not immobilized or paralyzed. You know exactly where you are at all times. You can change your sitting position, scratch yourself, sneeze or cough. You can open your eyes and take yourself out of the trance at any moment. During the trance you can still hear sounds around you, for example the phone ringing.
You can leave the trance and take any action you want if a situation occurs where you wish to.
You stay constantly orientated about time, place and person, you can even have a discussion during the trance.

Can hypnosis be dangerous?
No, hypnosis is a completely natural state, it is pleasant and relaxing. It is out of the question for anybody to in any way be hurt by hypnosis.
The ancient method of hypnosis is more and more used as a complement in medicine where it has proved to be a valuable alternative to drugs. Hypnosis has been used for thousands of years to effectively speed up healing and relieve stress symptoms.

A state of mind.
Hypnosis itself is not therapy. Instead, it is used to create a state of mind where the client and the therapist work together to bring forward inner processes (feelings, memories, images or wishes), it is these inner processes that can render the desired results.
When the client is in an hypnotic state of mind, the therapist can give suggestions meant to help the client.

Hypnosis has nothing to do with magic wands and occult abilities, even if some people consider it pure magic how their symptoms simply vanished, and insights increased.

Think Like a Millionaire

Attitude is Everything

The most important attitude for financial success is long-term thinking. Successful people think a long way into the future and they adjust their daily behaviors to assure they achieve their long-term goals. In a longitudinal study done at Harvard University in the 50s and 60s, they studied the reasons for upward socio-economic mobility. They were looking for factors that would predict whether or not an individual or family was going to move upward and be wealthier in the future than in the present.

They studied factors like education, intelligence, being born into the right family, or having the right connections. In every case, they found individuals who had been born with every blessing in life who did poorly. They also found individuals who had been born or come to this country with no advantages at all who had been extremely successful. What was the distinguishing factor?

They finally determined that there was only one key attitude that mattered. They called it “Time Perspective.” Time perspective refers to the amount of time that you take into consideration when planning your day to day activities and when making important decisions in your life.

Time Perspective

People with long-time perspective invariably move up economically in the course of their lifetimes. When you spend weeks, months and years developing your skills and ability and expanding your experience in order to be successful, you have long-time perspective. The average professional person has a time perspective of 10, 15 and 20 years.

Begin to see that everything that you are doing today is part of a long-time continuum, at the end of which you are going to be financially independent or financially unfortunate. People with short-time perspective think only about fun and pleasure in the short term. They have what economists call “The inability to delay gratification.” They have an irresistible tendency to spend every single penny they earn and everything that they can borrow.

When you develop long-time perspective, you develop the discipline to delay gratification and to save your money rather than spending it. The combination of long-time perspective and delayed gratification puts you onto the high road to financial independence.

Action Exercises

Now, here are two things you can do to develop the attitudes of financially successful people:

First, think long-term about your financial life. Decide exactly how much you want to be worth five years, ten years and twenty years from today. Write it down. Make a plan. Take action on your plan every single day.

Second, develop the ability to delay gratification. Instead of buying something on impulse, put off buying decisions for a day, a week or even a month. Decide in advance to “think it over” before you buy anything. This can change the way you spend money almost immediately.

Living and Working with Purpose

Everything that arises in your life is there for one purpose only — to teach you to exercise an underutilized aspect of your life. Because work involves contact with other people, the underutilized aspects of your life can become more apparent as you compare and contrast yourself with others. Of course, this can only happen when you’re present. Sometimes this can be particularly painful; it’s a natural reaction to resist and avoid those aspects of ourselves that are weak. But sometimes the most painful lessons are the ones that have the most benefit in the long run.

First, there has to be a you, and then there is your job. Similarly, as a parent, although you are responsible for the development of your child, you are still you. The previous chapters have helped you look at that being who is you; this chapter takes it one step further in helping bring that inner self to the workplace. The most important aspect in doing that is congruency — striving to match your inner self with your outer self and creating harmony between your heart and your head. When we look at the outer world, we don’t see the world as it is; we see it only as we are at that moment. Yes, you’re going to have to work, but if you can see that when you change your beliefs, you change the world around you, the chances of your creating congruency increase exponentially.

Here’s a simple way to think about changing your beliefs and how doing so changes the world around you. Have you ever bought a car and then suddenly noticed how many cars the same as the model you bought are on the road? It’s a pretty common reaction. But there aren’t really any more of those cars on the road (except yours): what has changed is your awareness of that particular make and model of car. By purchasing the car that you did, you changed your vested interest in the car, and you brought a new level of attention to it, thereby changing your view and belief about that car.

The discussion of work in this chapter is divided into seven sections:

1. Why work?
2. What are you “supposed” to do?
3. What are you doing?
4. You are going to have to struggle.
5. You are going to have to develop discipline.
6. Success isn’t easy or self-sustainable.
7. Are you going to be the CEO?

These sections cover work from the inside (how do you approach work) to the outside (what does your work have to do with you).

Why Work?

When you sit down and think about your life, think about this: the question is not what or why, but how are you going to live? Work is an integral part of how you’re going to live and how you are going to be in the world. A fulfilling life is passion driven and a big part of that life derives from the work that you do. It doesn’t matter what the work is. What matters is the passion that you have behind it and that you put into it. The same applies for the rest of your life.

Each one of us has a reason for being and a contribution to make; why not strive to make these more than financial survival? Yes, finances are important, but if you work at a job that just pays the bills without providing an outlet for your passion, then the ultimate cost to you is far more than the bills that might be due. The cost is compromising and stifling your creative intellect and wasting your time — a whole lot of it. Know that you can be in control, at the helm of your own destiny, by the decisions you make in all aspects of your life — especially regarding the work that you choose to do and how you choose to do it. Remember that everything counts: you will be at your happiest when you are expressing your essential nature and creating your mark on the world through the work that you do.

Do you always seem to have a “bad boss” or “never get a break” at work? It may have something to do with what you are presenting to the world. Your outer working life has to reflect your inner organization. Make sure that you have your personal values and ethos in order, and then take them to the workplace. The reality is that there are no bad bosses, and there are no bad breaks. And there are no victims — unless you choose to become one. Stop! Take a moment to re-read this paragraph. It’s easy enough to read, but really understanding the content can take a lifetime. Give yourself an advantage and contemplate it now: what you bring to your work makes all the difference.

What Are You Supposed to Do?

Each of us has our own specific “true calling” — an answer to the question, “What am I supposed to do?” At the most fundamental level, we each need to feel like we are doing something worthwhile and that we are making a positive contribution to the planet. We need to be able to leave work at the end of the day, feeling tired yet energized because we’ve done something that matters and that our work outside the home has meaning.

How do you figure out who you are, what your place in the world is, and what you’re “supposed” to do? If you grew up in a supportive family, you were told that you could be anything you set your mind to. That’s a lovely message, but it’s pretty nonspecific. If you grew up in a household with less support, non-specificity is the least of your problems.

Figuring out what you’re supposed to do is actually simpler than you think: do what brings you joy. Stop! Think about that right now. If there were no negative consequences — financial or otherwise — what do you see yourself doing for work that would bring you joy? Is it possible for you to be doing that “thing” at this moment in your life? Perhaps not, but you’ve taken one important step in getting to that “thing” by identifying it to begin with. You can begin the process of getting there right now.

Is it easier said than done? Sure, but if you pay attention, your intuition will guide you. Sometimes it’s tricky to differentiate between the voice of your ego and the voice of your soul. The voice of your ego is the one that tells you what you “should” be doing, based mostly on voices and opinions that you have heard and continue to hear from the outside world. This is not a helpful voice. The voice of the soul is the one that will keep gently drawing you to the things you love. When you follow your heart’s desire and listen to your intuition, work turns into pleasure. Will it always be this way? Probably not, which is why paying attention — being present, quiet, and calm — is also imperative in your work life. What you’re sure you should be doing at this stage of your life might end up being what you need to be getting away from five years from now. Times change, and people change. Getting quiet not only helps you find your self, it also helps you find your right place for the right time, by trusting your own inner voice.

What Are You Doing?

As you’re contemplating what you’re supposed to be doing, also ask yourself this question: “What am I doing with my life now?” It is certainly a pretty big question, and it’s one that you have to pause and ask yourself often. Time, that old enemy, is moving on, and if you don’t stop and ask the really tough questions, you’ll find yourself very old and very upset that you’ve spent your time doing “work” that you didn’t want to do.

When was the last time you woke up in the morning and were really excited about the work that you’re about to do? Take a moment to really think about that question. Was it this morning? Yesterday morning? Maybe it wasn’t even last week or last month. If it was last year, then it’s past time to take a hard look at what you’re doing. And read on.

If the work that you do is diminishing your ability to live an abundant life rather than adding to it, it is time to make a change. By identifying your unique skills and talents, you can discover the true meaning in your life and live more authentically. You won’t be able to do this if your work is taking from, rather than adding to, your life.

If you’re currently employed and wondering about why you’re there, ask yourself the following questions:

* Is the work inspirational as well as perspirational?
* Are you inspiring others?
* Are you leaving others in a better condition than you found them?
* Are there people in the company that you admire?
* Do you admire the company?
* If you weren’t working there and it was possible to avail yourself of your company’s product or service, would you?
* Is the work complementary to the rest of your life?
* Is it using your abilities to develop greater capacities?
* Is there a place for your beliefs and values?
* Are your little idiosyncrasies welcomed, tolerated, or outright shunned?
* Does it just plain feet right?

If your answer to most of these questions is no, then you need to take a long, hard look at what you’re doing. First, make your best effort to change your own position, and even take a stab at improving the culture around you. If you feel that you’ve done this to no avail, you need to develop your exit plan. I’m not advocating that you turn in your resignation tomorrow — there are bills to be paid and responsibilities to be met — but for your own well-being, you need to begin to work in the direction of leaving your current work and finding something else that has more meaning for you.

If you are a student in college or graduate school and you feel that you’re in a rut or have answered no to many of the above questions, then you need to reevaluate your situation. Again, start from a place of changing the current situation — don’t let “bail” be the default answer. Maybe the no answers have to do with what you’re doing when you’re not in class, or not studying. You’re the best judge.

A degree is important, but if it comes at the cost of boredom, then it’s an expensive lesson, both financially and spiritually. Perhaps you’ve chosen the wrong major; know that it’s never too late to right that wrong. Perhaps you’re trying too hard to graduate in X number of years and have overloaded yourself with courses; that decision is another wrong that can be righted. Maybe you’re just burned out with school. Most colleges make it pretty easy for you to either take a leave of absence or to cut back on your course load. Take advantage of that flexibility in any way you can.

If you’re a parent who feels like you have stayed at home too long, you have choices as well. How old are your children? Do they need you 24/7 or is there a way that you can get out of the house during part of the day to do something that challenges your intellect a little more? For that matter, given the wide range of possibilities on the Internet, you can take a course, start a business, or be involved in something greater than yourself from your home at any hour of the day — even at sporadic naptimes. You just have to make the commitment to do it.

The questions “What am I doing?” is not a question that you can ask yourself once in life and then be done. It is a question that you should ask yourself often — maybe daily. It’s far too easy to get stuck in a situation where you are comfortable, where asking any question, especially, “What am I doing?” involves way too much risk. Well, know this: the risk, the penalty, for not asking the question often enough is far greater than the reward for ignoring the question. If work is indeed the portal to the rest of your life, and the way you can bring out your unique qualities, then you need to ask the questions to ensure that you are being and doing the best that you can. If a path feels like a struggle, is part of the struggle because it’s not the right path for you? This is not to say that the path will be easy, but if the obstacles come from within, they may be telling you something you need to pay attention to.

And finally, one of the ways to find out what you “should” be doing is to discover what you shouldn’t be doing. I suppose this is code for get a job! One way to find out what you like is to discover what you don’t like, so don’t be dismissive of jobs that you don’t think you’re going to like. And be careful of becoming a “professional student.” Several members of my advisory board indicated that they were going to school because they hadn’t figured out what they wanted to do with their lives. An undergraduate degree is important, but unless you know what you want to do with a degree beyond that, be careful. School is very expensive and very time-consuming; some breathing room and exposure to the working world after so many years in school is probably a good thing.

Dealing with Sadness and Depression

Question:

My husband and I met while we were both on the rebound and were both doing a lot of partying which continued far too long into our married life. We both did quit our bad habits however in the following years I focused on the kids and their activities and he worked more hours. Now all the children have moved on and I continually feel alone in a house with 2 people. We don't share any common interests and I think the love has gone out of the relationship for me. I am afraid beyond comprehension of making a wrong decision and asking for a trial separation. I did once before and was met with an ultimatum so I backed off. The economy is one of the reasons for my choice as I don't earn enough to support myself. I have also been through periods of anxiety and depression and because I am going through perimenopause I have experienced many ups and downs in my energy and moods. My father also suffered from major depression.


At times I feel so overwhelmed with sadness that I think I need to be alone to sort out things. The next day I may feel better. I am afraid that once I make a decision that there will be no turning back. I question myself so much. Am I being immature and expecting too much? How can I know the answer? I realize this isn't a yes or no situation but I need guidance as I feel my health is suffering. I have no zest for life anymore. I am too far into the forest to see the trees. Please help.

Answer:

The sadness you are experiencing now is coming from you, not your husband, so I’m not sure that a trial separation will help. I wouldn’t say you are being immature or expecting too much, but you may be looking in the wrong place thinking that being alone is going to automatically provide you with the clarity and guidance to find your way out of depression and lovelessness. It’s even possible that this relationship provides you with an element of support that might be essential to your recovery.

You may benefit greatly by seeing a therapist who can help you deal with the pain underlying your depression. Ideally you will want to see someone who can offer you a holistic regime that includes diet, exercise, meditation, cognitive therapy, and creative expression as primary modalities to help you use this period of your life to make a quantum leap in your spiritual growth.

Here’s How To Attain Your Dream Career

Most of us leave high school after graduation choosing courses that cover a wide range of job opportunities. At the young age of 18 we have very little idea as to what we want to be in the future. We have no idea what we would enjoy working at.

There are of course some lucky few who have always known what their career path should be. It’s been in their mind for many years and it’s just a matter of following through on where they would like to be eventually.

For others the going is not that straight forward. It would be different if we had access to a large amount of money. Then it wouldn’t matter what we did. We could always change course at a later stage. Sadly, though, most of us have to work for our basic living costs and to be able to survive in a cut-throat world.

Then we graduate and realise that we should have taken a different path entirely. At this stage it is impossible to go back to school and do it all over again. We have to go out to work above anything else. What happens to us? But it’s not necessarily the end of the world. There may be a way to solve this dilemma.

Personality tests are becoming increasingly popular among people entering the workforce. These tests are designed to establish what the taker’s most desired career path might be. On the surface, this sounds like a good idea. We sometimes have dreams that are not in line with who we are.

Besides this we should also give ourselves a chance to test the unknown. After all our capabilities could be far ranging and may not initially point us in the right direction. We could have hidden strengths that only reveal themselves when the need arises. Introverts might do well in a career in sales. How will we know what we will excel in unless we get the chance to dabble in it.

It might sometimes seem that we will lead happier lives if we stick to what we think are our strengths and what we are most comfortable with. Yet part of us will always remain unsatisfied if we limit our horizons because we feel we need to conform. It could be that one day we wake up feeling great regret that we have missed out on opportunities. This is one thing we would want to avoid at all costs.

While growing up we depend on our parents to look after our survival needs. Over time we learn to cope with the demands life gives us. Our survival skills can only get us so far in the adult world. We simply carry on and endure but often we become aware of our anxieties.

We need to be careful that the choice of the career wasn’t based solely on the need to be able to get through day by day. It is important to overcome our fears. We need courage to find what fits our desires rather than what makes us feel safe. Courage is what is needed when choosing a career.

If we cannot afford to let go of our comfortable job because it pays the bills, then start small with the career that really speaks to you. The World Wide Web offers many opportunities to hone and develop our hidden strengths.

As we gain the respect of other people we will find that job offers will slowly start to trickle in. Take what we can and slowly start to let go of the other things that we don’t really enjoy.

If we keep our eyes on the main prize we will soon find ourselves doing exactly what we want. And that, my friends, is the secret to getting our dream job!

Life Satisfaction and Self Esteem

by Karl Perera

Running two websites about self esteem and depression I get many emails from visitors who ask me questions relating to happiness, self esteem and general life satisfaction. This article is my attempt to answer some of the most common problems that come up.

Are you satisfied with your life?

If you feel you have purpose in your life and what you do everyday gives you satisfaction then you are lucky. Do you feel something is missing from your life and your potential is unfulfilled? Chances are there are many things which cause you to feel less than satisfied with where you are now.

If you stop to think for a moment I bet you could list many things which make you feel less than satisfied with your life but this is a question of your attitude. Everyone could make such a list and the result would be a negative feeling and unhappiness. If you approach your life looking at it from what is missing or what could be better then you will be unhappy and dissatisfied.

What will give you life satisfaction?

Life satisfaction does not come from money nor material things. It comes from what you do and how you use what you have. It comes from a positive view of what is right in your life now. Of course, things can always be improved but you should try to enjoy your achievements so far. If you always look to solving problems you will never be satisfied until everything is how you want it to be and that will never happen.

Only you can truly answer the question "what will make you satisfied with your life?". However, most people have basic needs which make them satisfied.

Some of these needs are:

• Friends
• Successful relationships
• Family (provides a sense of identity and belonging)
• Feeling that you are needed and loved
• Purpose in life (a difficult one but so important)
• Having choices and options
• Having achievable goals
• Doing what you enjoy
• Having the possibility to express yourself creatively and emotionally
• Feeling that you have value (this is your self esteem)
• Being understood and accepted for who you are

How can you become more satisfied with your life?

My list above shows that these things have no link to money, they depend on you and your attitudes and feelings about who and what you are. In order to be more satisfied with your life you need to:

• be focused on what you want
• learn to say no and be more assertive
• be less self critical
• end negative thoughts
• use self hypnosis to help you unleash the power of your mind
• concentrate on what you have now and what is good
• plan to take small steps to achieve what you want and reward yourself on each completed step

Put yourself first

by Karl Perera

In this short article I would like to show you why you should not feel guilty about putting yourself first..

Is putting yourself first selfish?

Many people will tell you that putting yourself first is selfish. You may even believe this to be true. I am not saying ignore others and think only of yourself because that is selfish...

What I am saying is that you need to give your own desires and goals priority sometimes or you will not be able to move forward as a person. Think of it like this - to contribute to the world and be helpful to others you first need to be the best you can be. If you are unhappy and running around trying to make happy you will suffer..

When you live a full creative life with joy and satisfaction you can grow and develop and you will be able to help others to do the same. It is not selfish to be better than you are and make the best contribution to the world and those you come into daily contact with. Deal with your responsibilities but also make time for yourself and don't let others take over.

What are the benefits of putting yourself first?

• you will be better able to help others - because you will be OK
• others will take you more seriously
• you will feel less stressed
• your self esteem will improve

How to put yourself first?

It is very easy to let others tell you what to do, especially if you are suffering from low self esteem. If you're not careful you can become overwhelmed by demands that others place on you. A balance is necessary between work commitments, family responsibilities and your time.

So, how can you get that balance and put yourself first? Here are a few suggestions:

• Learn how to be more assertive
• Don't feel guilty about saying no sometimes
• Explain to others what you want and that you have a right to some time to yourself
• Don't get trapped in relationships which are abusive or damaging to yourself - you don't deserve that
• Improve your self confidence - Build Self Confidence
• Listen to what your body is telling you. Don't allow others to pressure you into doing things when you don't feel up to it
• Use the incredible power of self hypnosis.

Assertiveness

Being assertive is something you may normally consider confident people do naturally. If you are trying to improve your confidence, then assertiveness training could really help you. Learning to act and speak in a more assertive way could help you overcome several obstacles in your life such as shyness, low self esteem and a lack of confidence.

What is assertiveness exactly?

Some mistakenly think that being assertive means being pushy or selfish in order to get your own way but this is not true and is an extremely misguided view. Assertive behaviour is positive and will bring you results in your dealings with others. Not being assertive is one way to cultivate low confidence, self esteem and worse. If you are an assertive person you will be confident to stand up and be counted, you will put your opinion forward and stand by it. You will not be quiet and go ignored. Normally because of the perceived risk involved in expressing yourself openly like this rather than keeping quiet means you need a certain level of confidence. If you want to conquer shyness or become more effective socially you need to be more assertive. Simply put, assertiveness is asking for what you want or speaking up for yourself when you feel strongly that you have something to say.

Why is being assertive important to you?

Relationships - expressing your feelings and being able to ask what you want means you will be happier in your relationships and this is more likely to make for a happier partner.

Career - those who are passive at work are often undervalued and ignored for promotion. It is those who put themselves forward and ask for responsibility that are given it. Being more assertive will bring you better opportunities and more job satisfaction.

Family - it is important to compromise whether you are a son, daughter or parent but it is also important to be assertive in decisions where you need to state what you want. Women are especially in need of being more assertive or the demands on them can be unbearable.

Friendships - any friendship should be on an equal footing. When one person starts to demand too much of the other it is time to reassess that friendship. Being assertive and telling your friend honestly what you think is very important and being passive can make you very unhappy.

Success and ambitions - if you set yourself any goal you will need to be assertive with others who may try to dissuade you or stand in your way. Again, being assertive just means declaring your intention to do something and claiming your right to be what you want to be.

Self esteem - if you are passive and feel that you have not spoken up for yourself in any situation, not only may you lose out but you will feel terrible inside. This feeling may even cause you to lose confidence and if it continues could even lead to depression.

Assertiveness is a positive quality! Beware though, some will tell you being assertive is being selfish. Not so. As long as your assertiveness does not hurt anyone else and as long as you state your wishes calmly and confidently you are not acting selfishly. You have a right to be yourself and do what you feel is right for you. Selfishness is when you don't care about others, only yourself. What being assertive is all about is respect for yourself and this will also reflect outwards as you begin to respect others as having equal rights as you.

Saying NO

Do you have problems saying no when you want to? Learn how to solve this problem.

Assertiveness is important if you want to build your self esteem. Here are a few things to think about:

• You can learn to be assertive. Read about assertiveness training here.
• You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
• The advantages of saying no
• When to say no
• How to say no

In business and personal life saying no is a very necessary skill. It is impossible to please everybody and if you always say yes you'll find that people will give you more and more to do and you won't be able to attend to what you need to.

It's really important to know how to say no. Do you feel you always have to say yes, especially at work or in the family? How do you feel about saying no? If you have a problem with this you may feel guilty if, for example, a child asks you to do something. You think you should go out of your way in order to do what your child is asking of you. If you don't, you feel like a bad mother or a bad father. This is completely wrong because as a parent you need time to yourself and you also have other responsibilities which may be just as important.

At work also, saying no is a vital part of business life. It's so vital that if you don't learn how to say no you're soon going to become swamped with other people's requests for your time. If you let this continue others may take advantage of you and you'll find it more difficult to concentrate on your job because they will expect you to continue doing jobs for them. Don't fall into this trap!


Advantages of saying no
Saying no is part of being more assertive. Saying no will help you feel more confident and in control. If you cannot learn this skill then you'll feel frustrated and stressed out. This is a recipe for feelings of low self esteem because you will feel other people are no respecting you as a person and are taking advantage of you. You must put an end to this and learn to be more assertive.


Why you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no because it is right that you deserve to put your most important needs first. I have written another helpful article you should look at about how to put yourself first, check it out.

If you are in the habit of saying yes to help or to please others you need to think again about the negative effects this is having on you.

Next time you are faced with a situation where you want to say no, explain to the other person why you cannot do it. They may be so used to you accepting that they may question you. Stick up for yourself and explain you have something else you need to do. Guilt shouldn't come into it and you shouldn't feel that you have to say yes.

Your need to say yes is based on seeking approval or on feeling good inside because you feel needed but this shows that you have low self esteem and you should do something about that. You shouldn't need to feel that you have to say yes to other's demands in order to feel good about yourself.

When and how to say no

You should say no when:

• What someone is asking you is opposed to what you really want - tell them and be honest!
• You haven't got the time - explain you are busy with something more important, be polite!
• The other person should do it. Explain carefully that it is not your responsibility or that they can do it better than you.
• When it would help the other person to do the task because they will learn from it. Difficult to explain but you need to in order to help the other person.
• What they ask is wrong (in your opinion). Don't be afraid to be honest here!

Saying no will help you boost your self esteem because you are giving priority to the things in your life which are important and you are not letting others push you around.

OK, great but how do you say no?

• By explaining how you feel.
• By giving your reason
• By being polite and apologizing
• By making the other person understand
• By showing the other person that you will not be pushed into saying yes

Self Esteem: Information, Working and Factors

How does self esteem work?

Tracy has been in and out of relationships for so long that she is beginning to think that no one is out there for her. No matter how she tried, and no matter what kind of guy she goes steady with, it always ends up with a big bang, and the door is usually slammed at her end.

She has blamed herself for her failed relationships because she was so kind or nosy, or forgiving, selfless, clingy. You name it; every single bad thing that happened to the relationship was her fault. Up to now, she could not help but wonder what went wrong. She has done everything to make it work but nothing she does seems to make a difference and she still hasn't found "Mr. Right."

At first glance, there is really nothing wrong with Tracy, nor with the men in her lives. But as you probe into their day to day activities, you realize that Tracy looks okay on the outside, but has very low regard for herself on the inside. She seems like an ordinary girl next door but she is actually suffering from what we call low self esteem.

Self esteem is how you regard or value yourself in terms of your job, your accomplishments, your relationship with your peers and your family and your place in the society. It is actually the image you have of yourself. Having high self esteem means you have a high regard for yourself while low self esteem means you perceive no value of yourself.

People with high self esteem are usually people who are happy and confident. It is not about bragging about what you have or your accomplishments, but it is taking stock of what kind of person you are given all your facts in life.

Self esteem is an important trait of every individual because it influences and sometimes even determines success in your personal life and in your career. Having a high self esteem means you respect yourself, and it is most often the reason why others respect you.

A person with high self esteem will do the right thing even if exposed to the wrong set of people. A person who regards himself highly will not follow what other people are doing because he has his own discernment of what is right and wrong.


Self esteem grows on you, depending on how you were treated as a child. If you were encouraged or praised by your family while growing up, then you will probably have a high self esteem when you become an adult. However, there are people who may have high self esteem while growing up, but then later developed a low image of themselves because of certain factors.

Factors that lower self esteem

Divorce or separation-A child who grew up in the right environment and with the right kind of people giving him support and encouragement will have a high self esteem. However, an incident like the divorce or separation of his parents will most likely shatter the child's high image of himself, and he could end up blaming himself for the separation. He will then go into a vicious cycle of looking down on himself and of treating others differently because of such an incident.

Physical attributes-A child who is on the chubby side while growing up may be considered as cute by his family and friends and so the frequent encouragement and praise will help him develop high self esteem. However, as he grows older, his environment changes and then he is exposed to the reality that society generally frowns on people who are on the heavy side. This creates confusion and identity crisis which may lead to self pity and the development of a low self image.

Rejection-A child who grew up with supportive parents and siblings will most likely become an adult with a high self esteem. However, constant exposure to critical people who insult him and criticize him may create a dent in his high self image. His comfort zone is now gone and there is a possibility that he will be rejected by other people who are not so kind or who may have very high standards.

A person's self esteem will serve as his defense and survival kit against the competitive nature of society. Growing up with a high self esteem will already be an advantage because such a person already knows his true value. However, he must keep close contact with the people who really matter to him to maintain his self worth, and avoid people who will try to ruin his self image.

Set Eye on Goals

Setting Your Eye on the Bulls Eye

The alarm rings, you wake up. You turn off the alarm and start the series of rituals that would get you showered, dressed, fed with breakfast, and eventually on your way to work. You kiss your wife on the cheek as she readies herself for work and taking the kids to school. You say your goodbyes.

As you take your car from the driveway, you notice that all is quiet in the early dawn. You like to leave for work early to get away from the traffic. The trip is uneventful and the radio blares out music you have no fondness for.

As you arrive at work, you check your mail, and start work with a cup of coffee. Lunch comes and goes. You think about saving enough to run a small business in a few years. You have told yourself the same thing for three years now.

What's wrong with this picture? Are you one of them? Does the same dreary day pass by one after the other until you realize you're thirty-five with little time left?

Don't let this happen. Start setting goals with a timeline. Set goals by the SMART method.

The SMART method of setting goals has been around for a long time and has been used by many people. It is one of the many tools used by executives to hit their goals realistically and consistently with enough room to adjust to unforeseen circumstances.

Setting goals is a mind game that needs to be revisited as often as possible. This is to establish the goal consistently in the mind of the goal setter. Eventually the goal setter will have no need to be reminded on the goals he sets for himself.

SMART is an acronym for the following bywords:

Specific: The goal has to be as detailed as possible. This is to reduce the time to think about what the goal is. This must answer the basic questions of Who, What, When, Where, Which and Why.

The more specific the goal, the more the end result can be envisioned by the goal setter. This dovetails into the sports theory that an athlete can see the goal before it is attained through training. Studies have affirmed that visualization helps immensely in the attainments of a desired goal.


Measurable: When setting goals, it is must also be specific that progress can be held up against a measure, or a benchmark. In bodybuilding, it is measurable to state that the goal is to bench press a weight of 200 pounds in two months time.

The old adage states that if "it can be measured, it can be attained" is also a known fact among athletes. Athletes keep a record of their performance on and off the field of contest in order to have something to compare against. They even measure other athletes in different sports to improve their understanding.


Attainable: This is a part where you determine the will to reach your goals. Do you think the goal is attainable? Will it help you fulfill your overall goal? The more specific a goal is, the more you can find ways of reaching your target. You develop and educate yourself on reaching those goals.


Realistic: Does it make logical sense? Getting to Mars and back within 20 days is a goal, but with the resources, you have, is it realistic? Will it take a huge effort to achieve the objective? A person must be willing and especially able to achieve the goal.

It is still realistic to aim high. It has to do with the rewards received, or the way the goal moves you forward. If you do not possess the skills or inclination to reach the goal, then the goals is unrealistic. No amount of motivation can get a man to do what he despises.


Time-bound: This is the most important of all. A goal has to have a deadline. This is to prevent the goal setter from letting his goal slide from one day to the next. The true price paid for goals is the time you give the goal.

Remember this, time is the true price paid for your dreams, the earlier the dream can be achieved, the more time you have to enjoy it.

Don't let other people rob you of your goals, use the SMART method and share it with others so you can help each other reach your goals.

Your Self Talk Re Programming

When one is faced with a challenge, a fearful situation, it is not common to react by talking to yourself and "commanding" yourself to overcome the fear and succeed on the challenge. This is in fact, a proven effective method for overcoming fear. One theory of addressing the fear is to enhance the individual's concept of success. When an individual is able to imagine and believe that he can be successful at a certain event, encounter or situation, then the fear can be overcome.

There is one theory by a psychologist from Stanford University that overcoming fearful behavior can be addressed by self efficacy: the person's belief that he can overcome his fear. In effect, the person addresses fear by "talking" to himself and believing that he can overcome it. There are various ways of convincing oneself or doing "self-talk" to overcome fear and are as follows:

Taking Action

An effective way of overcoming fear is to face the fear and interact with the fearful situation. Most people, when they are able to act on their fears, successfully surpass them. Taking action against one's fears may involve live exposure, participation or practice. Having successfully approached and touched a snake, even with aid and support, or having tolerated a session of intense exposure at a shopping mall by an agoraphobic, is very strong evidence that it can be done again. Seeing your ability to do those actions against your fear is self-effacing, and thus will help overcome your fear.

Shocking Experiences

Observing others perform a feared act provides a second source of self-efficacy and thus a way to overcome your own fear. Although seen by the patient as providing less clear evidence that the observer can perform similarly, these vicarious experiences can enhance efficacy expectations. Seeing multiple others that gradually, but with persistence, overcome their hesitations and are able to perform the feared act can create expectations in the observer that he or she can also perform the act. Joining a bungee jumping activity for an altophobic can be self-effacing when the subject observes the rest of the group enjoying the jump and remaining alive and bruise-free after the experience.

Self-talk

Though the previous two experiences are means of talking to oneself, a direct verbal persuasion to overcome fear is effective as well. The main objective of self-talk is to get you to initiate the process. Note that there are some people who cannot be "talked out of their fears'" and so this method maybe weak, but as far as getting yourself to try, it is very effective.

This technique requires practice and full understanding of oneself. To be able to shut the world outside, including the cause of your fear and to talk to yourself and convince yourself to take the first step towards your fear is a skill that one should master through practice.

The degree of success in self-efficacy with "self-talk" depends on the success of the first attempt. A successful first attempt assures a clear path towards overcoming the fear. While a failed first attempt does not immediately guarantee failure, it definitely does not immediately clear the path towards overcoming the fear, but may take longer and iterative to overcome it.

Emotional Arousal

The last source of efficacy expectations is how people observe their physiological reaction to fear. When confronted with a fearful situation, the degree of fear and avoidance behavior that is shown may be partly a function of one's perception of the physical arousal that is experienced. If your heart races, you are likely to label yourself as afraid. On the other hand, if there is no physically arousal, then you are not afraid. Thus, the cues provided by yourself manifest your tolerance of the fearful situation. Treatment, therefore, should focus on reducing physical arousal then can contribute to one's sense of self-efficacy. These include relaxation-based procedures, such as hypnosis, or breathing retraining are useful for managing physical arousal. Drug treatments to reduce anxiety are also useful in this situation.

The bottom line solution in overcoming one's fear is talking to oneself. Master the ability to reprogram yourselves when faced with a fearful situation and your life will never be overshadowed by fear again.

The Majesty Of Your Mind

Be not a pauper in the kingly realm of your mind, for your mind has been born into royalty. It is the place for kings and queens who are positioned to reign supreme.

For your mind is decked in gold – emblazoned castles clothed in majesty, might and power. And on the throne of your mind sits the thoughts of kings, of queens, of princes, and of princesses. High thoughts bought with a price – the price being paid by the king of kings who has downloaded his thought to you so that yours can be renewed, reprogrammed, reignited, and reassured with fresh kingly directives.

You can now unlatch the royal door and enter kingdoms yet to be conquered, frontiers yet to be explored, wildernesses yet to be traversed, and oceans yet to be crossed.

Remember this: the majesty of the king has no limits, no bonds, and no restrictions. And no chains can bind the majesty of the mind.

There is no blindness that can pluck out the eyes of the majestic mind. No deafness that can squash the sound of a future that is yet to be written. And there is no lameness that can halt the movement forward of a mind clothed in majesty.

No disease, no fire, no plague, no flame can extinguish the maps laid out in the mind of the ones who have been appointed as royal sovereigns; those who have been designed to be enthroned, ennobled, empowered and employed to rise high above the mud and the mire. For you have been chosen to stand as kings with high thoughts, skyscraper sentiments and mountainous majesty.

So now is the time to take a hold of what is your birthright – the royalty that floods through your veins and that is evidenced by the thoughts that parade through your minds, the words that march from your mouths and the actions that command the attentions of the nations. With your majestic mind you will stand as ambassadors of truth, integrity, honour, justice, peace and power.

There is a backbone in this mindset that stands you upright in the midst of a world that at times blobs as jelly in its frivolous acceptance of the crude and the common. And yet this mind is willing though to reach out to the gutters to the despised, to the dejected, to the refuse of humanity – for it is there that majesty is found in the commonality of thought. For in the commonality you will come upon the manger that will lead to the carpenter’s workshop where once again it will be birthed in majesty.

And so it is in the commonsense, that at times is not really common, that true royal thinking and the gold, frankincense and myrrh of thought will be unveiled to change your world.