Do you have problems saying no when you want to? Learn how to solve this problem.
Assertiveness is important if you want to build your self esteem. Here are a few things to think about:
- You can learn to be assertive. Read about assertiveness training here.
- You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
- The advantages of saying no
- When to say no
- How to say no
In business and personal life saying no is a very necessary skill. It is impossible to please everybody and if you always say yes you'll find that people will give you more and more to do and you won't be able to attend to what you need to.
It's really important to know how to say no. Do you feel you always have to say yes, especially at work or in the family? How do you feel about saying no? If you have a problem with this you may feel guilty if, for example, a child asks you to do something. You think you should go out of your way in order to do what your child is asking of you. If you don't, you feel like a bad mother or a bad father. This is completely wrong because as a parent you need time to yourself and you also have other responsibilities which may be just as important.
At work also, saying no is a vital part of business life. It's so vital that if you don't learn how to say no you're soon going to become swamped with other people's requests for your time. If you let this continue others may take advantage of you and you'll find it more difficult to concentrate on your job because they will expect you to continue doing jobs for them. Don't fall into this trap!
Advantages of saying no
Saying no is part of being more assertive. Saying no will help you feel more confident and in control. If you cannot learn this skill then you'll feel frustrated and stressed out. This is a recipe for feelings of low self esteem because you will feel other people are no respecting you as a person and are taking advantage of you. You must put an end to this and learn to be more assertive.
Why you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no
You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no because it is right that you deserve to put your most important needs first. I have written another helpful article you should look at about how to put yourself first, check it out.
If you are in the habit of saying yes to help or to please others you need to think again about the negative effects this is having on you.
Next time you are faced with a situation where you want to say no, explain to the other person why you cannot do it. They may be so used to you accepting that they may question you. Stick up for yourself and explain you have something else you need to do. Guilt shouldn't come into it and you shouldn't feel that you have to say yes.
Your need to say yes is based on seeking approval or on feeling good inside because you feel needed but this shows that you have low self esteem and you should do something about that. You shouldn't need to feel that you have to say yes to other's demands in order to feel good about yourself.
When and how to say no
You should say no when:
- What someone is asking you is opposed to what you really want - tell them and be honest!
- You haven't got the time - explain you are busy with something more important, be polite!
- The other person should do it. Explain carefully that it is not your responsibility or that they can do it better than you.
- When it would help the other person to do the task because they will learn from it. Difficult to explain but you need to in order to help the other person.
- What they ask is wrong (in your opinion). Don't be afraid to be honest here!
OK, great but how do you say no?
- By explaining how you feel.
- By giving your reason
- By being polite and apologizing
- By making the other person understand
- By showing the other person that you will not be pushed into saying yes
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